Posts Tagged ‘Toblerone’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

July 31, 2017

Five Hamster Complaints

Owner never changes the drinking water

Mrs. Quigley’s third grade class always staring

Gridlock in DC makes progressive legislation virtually impossible

Wife ate all the kids

THIS $%&ING WHEEL GOES NOWHERE!!

 

Five Things I’ve Never Had In My Kitchen

Dutch oven

Fennel

Panini press

Cupcake corer

Bob Mould

 

Five Fashion Portmanteaus

Murse (man + purse)

Jeggings (jeans + leggings)

Pewtest (pewter + vest)

Doodie (denim + hoodie)

Crants (crotchless + pants)

 

Five Public Toilet Nuisances

TP doesn’t roll out smoothly

Funky smell

Guy using the baby changing table to iron his slacks

Hand dryer blows

Larry Craig adopting a wide stance in the stall next to you

 

Five X-Rated Candy Bars

Milky Three Way

Toblerbone

Mallo D Cup

Buttfinger

3 Musketeers, 1 Cup

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FIVE RANDOM FIVE

April 15, 2015

Five Douche-tastic Animals

Alpaca

Galápagos tortoise

Grolar bear

Lobster from the Jersey Shore

A dog that does crossfit

 

Five Candy Musicals

Hershey Kiss Me Kate

5th Avenue Q

The Goodbar Girl

Bring in ‘da Noise, Bring in ‘da Chunky

The Drowsy Toblerone

 

Five Muppet Tax Deductions

Felt repair and maintenance

Ping pong balls (under vision care)

Dry cleaning

Cookies

Chicken lube (Gonzo only)

 

Five Frozen Yogurt Toppings In Hell

Razor blades

Molten lava

Your nuts

The tears of the damned

None. There’s no frozen yogurt. It’s hell, dude.

 

Five Reasons To Hate Your Cable Company

Your monthly bill costs more than your car payment.

Installation tech does doughnuts on your lawn.

Your wife moans “Comcast” in her sleep.

Their on hold music is Nickelback.

Your name is Brad and the newest channel on their lineup is the Brad Sucks Channel.