Posts Tagged ‘Television’

People I Hate #78 (In A Series)

July 15, 2019

Who: The douchebag who wears a hoodie while playing in major poker tournaments on basic cable.

Why: He sits there, checking his cards and not making eye contact, hunched over like a petulant teen at a family gathering. He plasters a disaffected frown across his face like it’s body armor. His insolence is palpable and his unsociable demeanor makes you want to smack him.

How I justify it: HE made the decision to play poker on national TV! No one dragged him out of his bed and forced him to do it at gunpoint! So can the attitude, you smug, churlish bastard, and play some Texas Hold ‘Em!

Advertisements

Still Kinda Want

August 17, 2018

MTV-man-on-moon

MTV recently celebrated its 37th birthday. The Music TV Channel signed on August 1, 1981. So damn. Thirty-seven years.

Still. All the Lunar Astronauts and Beavis & Butt-head and Martha Quinn and Sifyl & Ollie and Remote Control and Britney Spears in a schoolgirl outfit still can’t even BEGIN to make up for the scourge that was Jesse Camp.

Seriously, MTV. You’ve got a hell of a lot to atone for there.

June 20 Trivia Rankings

June 21, 2018

What a great night for trivia, my Quizlings! I sure hope you were part of it all – the fun and the ice cream and the Dunkin Donuts gift cards. If you missed it, we’re doing it again next week (the trivia, that is – I can’t speak to the ice cream or the donuts).

This week, we were all about Big Apple big wigs, LEGO maniacs and shake, shake, shakey pop music. And, of course, there was this forgotten television – um, gem?

Now here are all the teams, ranked from highest to lowest (someone’s gotta occupy the end bits). See you next week!

The Felonius Baby Squad 52
It’s Always 8 O;Clock Somewhere 52
Come To Canada: Keep Your Pot And Your Babies 51
Came All the Way From Georgia For The Free Ice Cream 51
Not So Topical 50
Feckless Trump 50
Triple Threat 49
Who Is Tae Kwon Do Sally? 49
Chaco Taco 47
We Like Beer 45
Two Girls One World Cup 42
Wet Bandits 42
We Scream For Ice Cream 41
Tahoe Family 41
The Big Boys B3 37
I Don’t Know How To Pronounce This 35
High Wire Act 35

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

March 10, 2018

 

Five TV Shows That Helped Me Get Through Puberty

WKRP in Cincinnati

Solid Gold

General Hospital

The Facts of Life

Jem

 

Five Rarely-Used Twitter Hashtags

#CancerSchmancer

#MonkeyPoxRules

#MyMomIsAWhore

#SoundsLikeCrowsFarting

#SoylentGreenIsPapal

 

Five Rejected Monopoly Tokens

A dozen Grade A eggs

Noose

Half-eaten box of Fiddle Faddle

An inflamed duodenum

Bucket of chum

 

Five Forgotten Tourist Attractions

Jimmy Carter’s birthmark

Largest Merkin West of the Mississippi

Old Indiana Pacers burial ground

Dolly Parton’s first training bra

Iowa corn maze in the shape of Mamie Eisenhower

 

Five Dr. Seuss Pickup Lines

Horton hears a hottie!

Wanna hop on pop?

I’d like to get this fox outta her socks.

Oh, the places you’ll go.

There’s a wocket in my pocket!

 

TCM Remembers 2017

December 18, 2017

You don’t have to cry. But then again you don’t have to be human either.

But What’s Up With That Seal?

December 11, 2017

I could go into deep detail about my longtime love/hate relationship with the 1960s Batman television series … how the show’s camp nature seemed to forevermore stain the public psyche where the Dark Knight was concerned yet how much damn fun the whole mishigas was so it almost offsets my ire …

I could go into detail about it all but I think this clip speaks for itself…

Broadcasting Recall

September 24, 2017

It was 1954, television’s golden age, and I was working as assistant to the lead property master at the now-defunct Dumont network. Aside from Captain Video and Studio 57, our main project was a fledgling game show called Blow Out The Candles. The premise was pretty elementary: three contestants vied for the chance to have their very own birthday party, complete with cake and ice cream. The questions were pretty simplistic (“Who created the cartoon character Mickey Mouse?”), but it was a bona fide hit for three weeks during the summer. 

One night, however, the lead prop guy, Buster “Crabby” Stunton, got stinkin’ blind drunk and fell onto the birthday cake we were gonna use in the prize sequence. Well, we didn’t have any others baked and the studio chef had already clocked out for the day and all nearby bakeries were closed. So, we made up our own, a “faux” cake, out of plywood and caulk and painted it with white chrome matte. It looked beautiful and no one would have been the wiser had not the emcee, on a spur of the moment lark, tried to take a bite right out of the upper tier. He broke two teeth. On live television.

Crabby and I got our heads handed to us by the producers and we never worked network television again. Last I heard, Crabby lived in a tent Phoenix where he spends his days taking pot shots at iguana with a pellet gun. Compared to my lot, that’s a bloody paradise.

If Wishes Were Hippies

August 4, 2017

There was a time when everything was groovy and people thought it was a nifty idea to encourage kids to grow up to be redwood trees. Many people were high and most of them were full of themselves and lava lamps and love beads and waterbeds were used without irony in this magical time. This was the 1970s, an era that gave us the SuperFriends and H. R. Pufnstuf and Hong Kong Phooey and stream of consciousness fare like this – Make A Wish. Seriously, this was a show. For children. And it was wonderful!

June 7 Trivia Rankings

June 8, 2017

What an awesome night of trivia, Quizlings! Thanks to everyone who came out to play – and get ice cream. (“Come for the trivia! Stay for the dairy goodness!”) We talked about TV moms and Golden Buzzers and some long-lived veterans. Plus there was this incredible Google Map:

misspelled-words-jpg-1496229488

Now here are this week’s team rankings. How’d you do?

Chrises And The Wonder Women 68
We Need Brownies. We Expect Brownies. 67
If Only Wonder Woman Had Beaten Captain Underpants In November 67
Team Name On The Big Board 66
Free Mini-Fridge, First Come First Served 66
We Brought Our Good Luck Charm 62
The Baby Boomers Killed All Our Bees 61
Hey, I Just Met You And This Crazy But Here’s My Number So Comey Maybe 60
Wonder Women 60
Happy Anniversary, Kara And Darrin 59
Spiral City Heroes 57
On Average, Humans Have One Testicle 56
Combovers And Comey 56
ABC U N Hell 53
Sic Semper Anus 51
Our Bologna Has A First First Name It’s D-O-N-A-L-D 48
Honey Badgers Don’t Care 48
Teresa Maybe, Maybe Not 47
Dr. Know 47
Where’s Murph? 46
No No, That Means You’re #1 44
At Least We Tried 36
We Don’t Know Anything, We Just Like Beer 35

People I Hate #31 (In A Series)

May 13, 2016

Who: The guy at work with a “Kill Your TV” bumper sticker on his car 

Why I Hate Him: We work at a freakin’ TV STATION!! Besides, I have a general distaste for the type of pretentious d-bag who thinks it’s intellectual to not watch TV and to boast about it to those who do. Sure, a lot of television is crap. But as broadcast pioneer Edward R. Murrow once said, “This instrument can teach, it can illuminate, yes, and even it can inspire; but it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise, it’s nothing but wires and lights in a box.” To consider a tool useless because most people use it as a blunt instrument – and for no other reason than to feel superior – is as unevolved as the amino acids created in the Miller-Urey experiment of 1953. And, FYI, I learned about THAT from television!

How I justify it: I don’t need to. This one’s a gimme. In fact, everyone should hate this bozo. Join me! My hatred is pure, sublime. Come over to the dark side with me..