Posts Tagged ‘Superman’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Justice League Edition)

November 18, 2017

Five Things Superman and Batman Fight Over

Which is cooler – the Batcave or the Fortress of Solitude

Who has the more tragic backstory

What toppings to get on a pizza

Batman never clears old episodes of Say Yes To The Dress from the JLA DVR

Whether to raise Robin Jewish or Lutheran

 

Five Legion of Doom Pet Peeves

Swamp headquarters attracts a lot of bugs

No healthy snacks in the commissary

Lex Luthor turned casual Fridays into pantless Fridays

Not nearly enough toys (Toyman only)

Solomon Grundy never flushes

 

Five Flash Pick-Up Lines

I like fast girls.

Don’t tell anyone … but my secret identity is Brad Pitt.

What has two thumbs and owns a cosmic treadmill? THIS guy!

Yeaaaaah, I know Green Arrow.

I’m only the fastest man alive when I’m fighting crime, if ya know what I mean. 

 

Five Milestone Comic Book Issues

Brave and the Bold #28 – The Justice League bands together for the first time

Flash #123 – Re-introduces Justice Society of America into continuity

Extreme Justice #2 – First appearance of Martian Manhunter’s longtime companion, G’ary

Justice League International #18 – Guy Gardner given atomic wedgie by Booster Gold

JLA #59 – Elongated Man and Sue Dibny attend a key party 

 

Five Justice League Hazing Initiations

Taking Aquaman “midnight swimming”

Streaking through the Avengers HQ

Drinking a fifth of vodka and reciting the Green Lantern oath

Pantsing Alfred

Burying the Wonder Twins in a shallow grave in the desert

 

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Jokes On You

July 27, 2017

I asked for jokes and you Quizlings came through. I’d love to share them all but some – while horribly funny – are not fit for a PG-13 blog. Regardless, here’s a darn good sampling.

What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm

6:03 is the best time on the clock, hands down!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic

A guy phones up an escort agency and asks for some “company.” A woman arrives and asks what the man wants to do. First, he has her hold on for a minute while he puts on his wellies and a rain jacket. Then he goes to the freezer and fetches a tray of ice. The escort is confused but she goes along with it. The man then gets into the shower, turns on the water and asks the escort to throw ice cubes at him. She does for a minute or two and then asks, “Aren’t you going to have sex with me?” To which the man responds: “What, in this weather?”

What kind of bees make milk?  Boo-bees

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him

Never date an apostrophe. It’s too possessive.

Why did the coffee file a police report? Because he got mugged.

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when they come into port they can Scan-da-navian.

What do you call a mother cow who just gave birth? Decalfinated

Two men are drinking on the second floor of a bar. One says, “Alright, I’m going home,” and he dives out of the window. The next day, the same two men are drinking and the other man asks, “How’d you survive that stunt yesterday?” The first man says, “There’s a big pile of hay right beneath the window.” The second man finishes his drink, dives out of the window and splatters on the concrete below. The first man laughs and the bartender says to him: “You’re a dick, Superman.”

Super Cool

May 22, 2016

I was lingering around the dairy aisle in some supermarket a while back. It’s not something I’m wont to do but I was bored and had some time to kill.

Anyway, I started looking at the ice cream, noting the various brands and flavors and such. Ben & Jerry’s, Healthy Choice, Sealtest. And then I saw an off-brand of frozen confection that looked somewhat interesting. I dunno, the packaging just seemed unique. My eyes landed on one container in particular. It was made by Valley Rich or some such off brand (and I mean “off” brand in the same sense a Peoria stage production is “off” Broadway). I read it once. Twice. Three times. I couldn’t believe that I was reading it right. It just seemed so odd and out of place.

Superman flavored ice cream.

superman

Not Superman Brand. Not Superman-Inspired. No, Superman FLAVORED. It supposedly had a mixture of banana, strawberry and something called Blue Moon, if I recall correctly. (Blue Moon?! What the hell?) But, there it was, right there on the label. Superman flavored.

What’s the deal with that? Did I miss a memo? Did somewhere along the line we, as an ice cream-consuming society, decide to name this triad of tastes after the Man of Steel, kind of like that bland Strawberry-Chocolate-Vanilla concoction that some dyslexic named after a former Emperor of France? If so, then who decided that the Metropolis Marvel would taste like this? Has anyone, aside from Lois Lane or maybe Krypto the Superdog (or perhaps Aquaman in some weird, drunken JLA truth or dare), actually licked the Last Son of Krypton? Wouldn’t one of the world’s preeminent super-heroes taste of something more dynamic, more daring, like Chunky Monkey or something? Does DC Comics know about this? Does Nietzsche?

Superman-flavored ice cream.

That’s just wrong.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Batman v. Superman Edition)

March 25, 2016

Five Things Superman and Batman Fight Over

Which is cooler – the Batcave or the Fortess of Solitude

Who has the more tragic backstory

What toppings to get on a pizza

Who left the toilet seat up

Whether to raise Robin Jewish or Lutheran

 

Five Surprising Things In Batman’s Utility Belt

Universal Remote

Axe Body Spray

Hello Kitty Band-Aids

Pickle Relish

A naked picture of Aunt Harriet

 

Five Lame Superman Superpowers

Super-Green Thumb (his garden is awesome!)

Super-Karaoke (his air guitar is pretty great, too)

Super-Lint Roller (can attract all the fluff and cat hair in a room)

Super-Seasoning (knows just what herbs & spices to add to any dish)

Super-Regularity (poops everyday at 7:43am, like clockwork)

 

Five Milestone Comic Book Issues

Detective Comics #27 – First appearance of Batman

Superman #10 – Fifth appearance Lex Luthor (first bald Luthor)

Batman #600 – Donald Trump buys Wayne Manor

Superman Family #185 – Perry White’s prostate cancer scare

World’s Finest #259 – Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent attend a key party

 

Five Justice League Hazing Initiations

Taking Aquaman “midnight swimming”

Streaking through the Legion of Doom HQ

Drinking a fifth of vodka and reciting the Green Lantern oath

Pantsing Alfred

Burying the Wonder Twins in a shallow grave in the desert

 

Somebody Save Me

November 24, 2013

Supposedly, as it was told, Superman was born on February 29th. At least, that was the pat response that DC Comics and staff would give when queried as to the date of the Man of Steel’s birth by mail or at conventions or cocktail parties. Me, I always found that explanation to be a bit glib. Born on leap day? As if that explained the comic book contrivance of aging at a slower rate than the readership. If so, what about Batman? Or Wonder Woman? Or Julius Schwartz? And was the 29th supposed to be the day he was born on Krypton… or the date he arrived on Earth and was adopted by the Kents? The apathetic answer, designed to quiet fanboys, disturbed me greatly as a young collector. But, to be honest, what really disturbs me the most about this whole Superman’s birthday commotion was how much time I spent obsessing over that particular piece of four-color minutiae when I was a teenager!

Yep, I didn’t date much in high school.