Posts Tagged ‘Super Heroes’

Impossible Dream

June 24, 2017

What’s with The Impossibles?

You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? Hanna-Barbera’s rock ‘n’ roll trio who transformed themselves into super-heroes when danger loomed. They were second-billed to Frankenstein Jr. in thirty-six animated Saturday morning adventures way back in 1966.

impossibles

There was the Spring Wonder, Coil Man. The Human Throng, Multi Man. And the Liquid Lawkeeper, Fluid Man. They would travel from town to town, performing their music, rocking the fans (of which they had many) well into the night. Or at least until they would receive a call on their guitar-phones from their super-secret boss who would alert them to some villainous menace nearby or some crime in progress. The Impossibles, as this was the name of their rock band as well, would then cut their concert short, change into their super-heroic identities and battle the bad guy.

And throughout all of this, we, the audience, were supposed to believe the Impossibles had secret identities and led super-secret lives! As if!

impossibles2

Think about that. Imagine you go to a Nickelback concert (just imagine – I don’t recommend it). You’re enjoying the tunes, thrillin’ to Photograph and the like when, all of a sudden, Nickelback stops in the middle of a song. They seem to be talking to their instruments. You think you hear them say something like “We’re on it, chief!” And they’re off – bang, like a shot. Nickelback ends their set in mid song. No explanations, no encores, no How You Remind Me. Maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll reschedule the event. It’s doubtful they’ll give you a full refund (and even if you get one, Ticketmaster gets to keep the ten dollar service charge). And, surprise of surprises, the next day in the morning papers, you read that the previous night – only a few minutes after Nickelback left the stage – the super-hero team known as Nickelback, a supergroup that has never before appeared in your town, fought and defeated a bank robber just a few miles away from the concert arena.

Can you tell me that you aren’t the least bit suspicious?! I mean, c’mon – even Lois Lane wasn’t this thick.

So, get with it, Hanna and Barbera. There is suspension of belief, granted, else all of our televisual fiction, be it animated or live action, falls to pieces, but I’m not buying this load of fish twaddle with monopoly money!

Forgive me if I demand some realism in my cartoons.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Superhero Edition)

February 7, 2017

Five Batman Mistakes

Not getting over the death of his parents

Underestimating Bane

Not adopting Dick Grayson

Nipples on the Clooney Batsuit

Everything Adam West

 

Five Really Lame But Kinda Useful Superpowers

Ability to keep Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia from melting (once it’s been scooped into a bowl only)

Power to keep dogs from defecating on your lawn by emitting powerful pheromone that alerts canines to your dominance

Can tell the age of a wine by listening to it being poured

Cablekinesis (can turn Time-Warner DVR on & off from across the room without a remote)

Talent to detect what a person ate by sniffing their passed gas

 

Five Rejected Avengers

Iron Manwich

Captain America Ferrara

Hawkeye Pierce, MD

The Black Window

Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELDS & YARNELL

 

Five Comic Book Sound Effects I Recently Read

ZZZZXXXXXXTT

KSHHHRHH

POKA-POKA-POKA-POKA!

PAFT

FABOOM

 

Five Spider-Man Complaints

Web shooters run out of fluid at inconvenient times

People think spiders are insects

Reporters forget to hyphenate name

Sweaty mask = oily T-Zone

Mary Jane rarely lets him “hit the jackpot” anymore