FIVE RANDOM FIVE

Five Signs You’re Addicted To Pokémon

When ordering at the drive thru, you say things like “Quarter Pounder with Cheese, I choose you!”

Your Squirtle-shaped swimming pool

Your résumé lists Team Rocket as a reference

The Pikachu tattoo on your ass

Number of Pokémon tournaments you’ve entered – 65 / Number of dates you’ve had – 0

 

Five Reasons To Have Kids

Someone to look after you in your dotage

Irreponsable about birth control

Cheap labor

Need an excuse to drive a mini-van

To sit next to non-breeders in restaurants and annoy the hell out of them

 

Five Nicknames for Your Hand

High-Five Fanatic

The Glove Stuffer

Marvin

Clap Happy

The Back-up Girlfriend

 

Five Hanna-Barbera Characters I Think Are Jerkwads

Precious Pupp

Yankee Doodle Pigeon

The Great Gazoo

Ranger Smith

Shazzan

 

Five Deadly Snack Crackers

Goldfission Bomb

Wheatabullets

The Nekotomicon

Lance

Ginger Snaps-Your-Neck-Without-A-Second-Thought