Posts Tagged ‘Snow’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

January 6, 2020

 

Five Things I Tried To Deduct On My Taxes

Mileage for community service

Tickets to Hello Kitty Con

Seminar on selling Beanie Babies for maximum profit

Cost of failed Genioplasty

Membership in the Jodie Sweetin fan club

 

Five Snowman Pickup Lines

Let’s have some fun before I melt away.

You know what they say – “Big carrot… ”

Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs.

You have the prettiest coal I’ve ever seen.

Snowjob?

 

Five Cereal Mascot Crimes

Toucan Sam – Cocaine possession

The Trix Rabbit – Child endangerment

Alfie, Carlyle, Dave, Brunhilde and Seadog (S. S. Guppy Crew) – Mutiny

Count Chocula – Indecent Exposure

Tony the Tiger – Grrrrrrrrand Theft Auto

 

Five Autocorrects for Dirty Words

Ask

Cunning

Cockleshell

Shrimp Scampy

Fuqua School of Business

 

Five Things James Bond Would Never Say

Hit. You sunk my battleship!

That’s one purdy mule.

One senor ticket for The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence), please.

Dude, that Guacamole Double Cheeseburger® from Carls’s Jr. is really making my colon gnarly!

This has never happened to me before. Can we can just cuddle?

 

Ghosts of Christmas WTF

December 15, 2019

I was out and about earlier which is strange for me because I’m often out but never about (or vice versa) and I found myself in a Barnes & Noble. Why was I in a Barnes & Noble? The obvious answer would be “books” but when am I ever obvious? I was gift wrapping for charity, if you must know, but all that really and truly is beside the point. (Charity says Hi, by the way.)

The bookstore was of course playing Christmas music, primarily because A) it’s the holiday season and B) the atheists haven’t truly found their musical niche yet. Well, the song that was playing at this particular moment was the old standard It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams. A less objectionable tune to my sensibilities than, say, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree or Feliz Navidad, both of which make me want to travel back in time and squash the rising of early Christianity to ensure I will never ever hear them again. (Of course, even then I’ve read enough sci fi and watched enough Twilight Zone to know I’d return back to 2019 to hear Brenda Lee singing Rockiin’ Around the Saturnalia Shrub or maybe Jose Feliciano’s Feliz whatever the hell the Spanish word for Solstice is.) (more…)

Can’t Weather All Get Along?

December 11, 2018

Due to the weather, I’ve heard the media use the term “black ice” more times than I care to count in the last 48 hours. As such, I can never hear it without recalling this Key & Peele sketch…

January 3 Trivia Rankings

January 4, 2018

Wow! What an evening of triviawesomeness! Some fantastic new faces, some lovely returning faces and so much white stuff. I hope everyone made it home safely. We’ll see you next week.

Meanwhile, one lucky Quizling made off with a gift bagsket full of goodies* (congratulations, Vince). More raffles and surprises as the year progresses so stay tuned and keep playing.

This week? We talked about islands, phonetic alphabets and triangles (the math kind, not the musical kind). Plus there was this cinematic parody…

Now let’s see how your team did. Here are the weekly rankings:

‘Bama Are The Yankees Of College Football 68
Eric Snowed-In 64
Our Trivia Answers Are Bigger Than Yours 62
It’s Colder Than A Melania Trump Stare 58
We Ain’t Afraid Of No Snow 56
Put It On Dick’s Tab 56
Nature HATES Them 56
Snow Way 56
I’m Afraid Of My Next Heating Bill 54
Good God, It’s Snowing Outside 50
Z Is For Zzzzzelda 48
Budweiser? I HardlyKnow Her 44
Our President Is A Bigger Buttonhole Than Yours 42
Baby, It’s Cold Outside 41
Cyclone Bomb Is What Happened In My Toilet Today 31

*the gift bagsket includes a Re-Gift Leftover, a Rogue One Collector Cup, a Dunkin Donuts Gift Card, Celebrations Candy in Wine Bottle, AMC Gift Cards, Centerpiece Magazine, Trivia Night Fliers (Share the love), Ready Player One Book, Doublemint Gum, Sour Patch Kids, a Tomato Jake’s Gift Card, a Tomato Jake’s Can Koozie, a Pokemon Watch, an Inflatable Crown, a Guess Who Said That? Trivia Calendar, Chapel Hill Toffee, Baby Wipes, a Starbucks Gift Card, Airheads, SweeTarts, a Framed Picture of Danny Devito as the Penguin, Ring Pops, and a Cassette of Chumbawumba’s 1997 album Tubthumper.

 

Can’t Weather All Get Along?

January 10, 2017

Due to the weather, I’ve heard the media use the term “black ice” more times than I care to count in the last 48 hours. As such, I can never hear it without recalling this Key & Peele sketch…

Can’t Weather All Get Along?

January 25, 2016

Due to the weather, I’ve heard the media use the term “black ice” more times than I care to count in the last 48 hours. As such, I can never hear it without recalling this Key & Peele sketch…