Posts Tagged ‘Signs’

People I Hate #6 (In A Series)

September 7, 2019

Who: Those guys who spin signs on the side of the road

Why I Hate: They act so bad-ass, like this amazing talent sprung unbidden from their motor reflexes during some moment of inner strength or self-actualization and now they feel the call to display their art, pure and instinctual, for all to see. They toss, they rotate, they spin – and they delude themselves into believing they aren’t just a hot dog costume away from handing out coupons at intersections.

How I justify it: Because hating telemarketers is so 1998.

Bed, Bath and Bemused

August 31, 2018

There’s a sign on the side of the road near where I live that advertises a Queen mattress for sale. It’s not a professional sign by any means; it’s one of those cheap plastic signs that people stick in the ground for yard sales and open houses. But it’s far cheaper than even those because it’s handwritten in magic marker. Queen Mattress for sale.

I see it at a pretty busy intersection every day and the most curious thing about this sign isn’t that it makes me wonder if anyone would ever actually buy a mattress from an ad on a handwritten sign they saw at an intersection but that I’ve been seeing it off and on for about three years now. Queen Mattress for sale. Same handwritten sign. Same crappy magic marker or felt tip. Same stupid message that gives virtually no details. After seeing this sign for years now I can’t help but conjure up a two very demanding questions.

1) Is it the same mattress? Perhaps someone keeps finding mattresses they want to sell. Maybe they work at a mattress store and manage to relieve the business of a bit of the merchandise to make a little extra cash. Or perhaps it honestly is the same damn mattress they’ve been trying to unload since before Obama left office. If so, why can’t they sell it? What’s wrong with it? Are they bad sales people or just horrible negotiators? Have they tried Craigslist? (more…)

Sign Language

August 7, 2018

I realize I’m about forty-five years too late in my outrage but I think the guy who is ostensibly the singer of the song Signs (originally by Five Man Electrical Band, later remade by Tesla) is a completely and total dick. Yes, I know the tune was released in 1971 when it was a counter-culture anthem and the main character is supposedly a rebel who stands up to “The Man” in all his forms but the hippie haranguer is, at best, a fraud, a trespasser and a thief. I mean, he applies for a job under false pretenses, he stands on a guy’s property and yells at him and he steals the offerings from a collection plate in church. What a d-bag! I guess I’d be really upset if I didn’t imagine the jerk died horribly when he ignored the “No Skating – Thin Ice” sign one late winter because he felt that Mother Nature is just too cool a chick to not allow him the dynamite pleasure of ice skating in March.


Give Them A Foot …

July 24, 2017

There’s a sign up at my apartment complex’s mailboxes that read as follows:



JULY 29, 8am to noon

Forgive my penchant for accuracy but if it’s going to be held inside your apartment then it’s NOT A YARD SALE!! A yard sale must, ipso facto, be OUTSIDE. I’ll even allow that you technically don’t have to have it in a yard, but it damn well better be outside! 

If you’re having a yard sale inside your home then you’re basically just one step away from having a break in.

People I Hate #1147 (In A Series)

December 31, 2014

Who: The business that keeps the open sign lit up even when closed.

Why: The idea is pretty simple. You start a business, you buy an open/close sign and you have it say “open” when you are open for business and ready to serve customers. The open sign is not intended to act as ellipses from your grand opening to the eventual going out of business sale. Yet every day I drive buy stores that have the open illuminated long after they’ve closed for the day. One place I frequent hasn’t turned it off since 2009 (I think the person who knew where the switch was got fired or something). This is confusing and irritating and should be some sort of zoning violation.

How I justify it: What’s the point of having an open sign if it always says OPEN?! Seriously. Don’t they teach anything in whatever University of Phoenix type business school you dropped out of?!