Posts Tagged ‘QSR’

A Chicken Pox

January 15, 2017

This is Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa, launching nationwide on January 26. It consists of a shell made with marinated chicken packed with lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and avocado ranch. It is evil. And people will die.

naked-chicken-chalupa

Mark my words: people will die from this insanity. Sure, we managed the McGriddle and the Thickburger and the Double Down but that was merely tempting fate. (Actually that was walking right up to fate, opening your shirt and writing with an indelible marker INSERT CORONARY HERE.)  Now, with this nascent poultry monstrosity (poulstrosity?), all bets are off and people will finally die. I envision customers taking a savory bite and then exploding right there by the fire sauce or collapsing into a puddle of fleshy goo under the banner that ironically implores you to Live Más. Either way, no one will be surprised and no one will sue because it’s just the natural evolution of caloric QSR offerings and that’s just the way it is and will forevermore be.

The Naked Chicken Chalupa. Yep, people will die. Mark my words.

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Keep Calm and Carry Out

May 5, 2015

There’s this new bagtray at McDonald’s. Not your McDonald’s (unless you live in Hungary, it seems, where the idea originated) but perhaps coming soon. And why not since the idea is, frankly, revolutionary. The bag detaches and the bottom becomes a tray for your food! That’s pretty sweet. But ever since I watched the video I have been outraged. Why? See for yourself. It’s 45 seconds in.

The guy waves goodbye. He’s at a McDonald’s, ordering takeout, and he waves goodbye.

WHO THE HELL WAVES GOODBYE AT A FAST FOOD ESTABLISHMENT?

You go in, you order, you pay, you get your grub and you go. That’s the informal compact in which we enter when we patronize such a QSR. It’s the food equivalent of a hooker. There’s no relationship here. We’re in, we’re out, it’s quick and dirty, there’s no complicated emotions unless the bastards forget to supersize it. But this guy’s all hey, thanks, really, I appreciate it and I’ll see you later so have a great day because I consider you friends and equals and I want to signify our bond with a socially accepted gesture. No. Just – NO. You don’t wave to the people behind the counter. Even if you know them. If just makes you look simple or creepy.

And that’s Ronald’s job.