Posts Tagged ‘Pregnancy’

Pregnant Pause

April 10, 2017

I stopped by one of those “Everything’s A Dollar” stores yesterday. Y’know the kind where they offer stuff that wouldn’t sell at major chains for the low, low price of 100 cents? You can find some interesting things there – toys, kitchenware, cleaning supplies – and if it doesn’t have an expiration date why not save some money, eh?  However, I’ll go on the record as saying there are some things you probably shouldn’t buy on the cheap.

That’s why I was a little more than bemused to see behind the checkout counter – right there, hanging on the wall – pregnancy tests for one dollar!

Seriously, how knocked up do you have to be to feel comfortable trusting a pee stick you purchased at the place folks who shop at Walmart think is low rent?

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

March 24, 2015

Five Hipster Books

To Kale a Mockingbird

From Here to Urban Outfitters

A Beard Grows In Brooklyn

Their Eyes Were Watching Wes Anderson

The Artisanal Grapes of Wrath

 

Five Euphemisms For Pregnancy

In the family way

Up the duff

Go Go Gadget Zygote!

Cribbin’ the ute

Pulling a Duggar

 

Five Reasons to Hate Winnie the Pooh

He’s not a real bear

He got his stupid head stuck in a honey jar

He hunted the heffalump to extinction

He smells like wet stuffing

He poohs in the woods

 

Five More Ways To Leave Your Lover

Leave on a ferry, Gary.

Grab an axe and decapitate, Nate.

Shove her bloody face in, Jason.

Dose her with strychnine, er –uh, Rick … stein.

Get your gun and shart shootin’, Putin.

 

Five Retroactove Product Placements in Movies

“Well I got her number. How do you like them Snapples?”

“They call me Mister Pibbs!”

“Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinet.”

“As god is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again – thanks to Stouffer’s Lean Cuisine!”

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some BUSH’s Baked Beans and a nice Franzia, the wine in a box.”