Posts Tagged ‘Pranks’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

April 27, 2018

 

Five Bad Local Commercials

Bear Mountain Sports

Jesus Christ Bail Bonds

Auto Connection

Girl, Job Fair, Word

Eastwood Insurance

 

Five Books I Recommend That You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

The Wampanaki Tales by James Howard Kunstler

The Quartzsite Trip by William Hogan

Super-Folks by Robert Mayer

The Choking Doberman: And Other “New” Urban Legends by Jan Harold Brunvand

Diet for a New America by John Robbins

 

Five of My Favorite Sci Fi Clichés

The alien planet turns out to be Earth

Protagonist attempts to change the past, thereby creating the future he hoped to prevent

The alien is not the bad guy but the good guy

The hero turns out to be dead or from a parallel Earth or an alien

… But no one remembers!

 

Five Ways to Prank a Roommate, Two of Which I’ve Done

Lysol in his milk

Ex-Lax brownies

Identity theft

Skunk juice in his fabric softener

Cardboard standup of Batman in the shower

 

Five Bad Places to Hide a Spare Key

Under the front door mat

The lock

On your keychain with the other keys

Fiji

The Paleozoic Era

 

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Jokes On You

July 27, 2017

I asked for jokes and you Quizlings came through. I’d love to share them all but some – while horribly funny – are not fit for a PG-13 blog. Regardless, here’s a darn good sampling.

What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm

6:03 is the best time on the clock, hands down!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic

A guy phones up an escort agency and asks for some “company.” A woman arrives and asks what the man wants to do. First, he has her hold on for a minute while he puts on his wellies and a rain jacket. Then he goes to the freezer and fetches a tray of ice. The escort is confused but she goes along with it. The man then gets into the shower, turns on the water and asks the escort to throw ice cubes at him. She does for a minute or two and then asks, “Aren’t you going to have sex with me?” To which the man responds: “What, in this weather?”

What kind of bees make milk?  Boo-bees

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him

Never date an apostrophe. It’s too possessive.

Why did the coffee file a police report? Because he got mugged.

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when they come into port they can Scan-da-navian.

What do you call a mother cow who just gave birth? Decalfinated

Two men are drinking on the second floor of a bar. One says, “Alright, I’m going home,” and he dives out of the window. The next day, the same two men are drinking and the other man asks, “How’d you survive that stunt yesterday?” The first man says, “There’s a big pile of hay right beneath the window.” The second man finishes his drink, dives out of the window and splatters on the concrete below. The first man laughs and the bartender says to him: “You’re a dick, Superman.”