Posts Tagged ‘Prank’

They Say It’s Your Birthday

July 15, 2016

How pathetic is it to have the Harris Teeter bakery do up a birthday cake for yourself and then have it delivered “anonymously” to you at your office while you’re at lunch? I mean, you know full well that your co-workers will see it and throw an impromptu party for you when you get back. And you can, of course, feign ignorance. “How did you ever find out? I didn’t want a fuss!” The best thing is, since it’s all last minute, they won’t even have time to get you a card so they’ll have a quick whip ‘round and put some cash in an envelope. Sweet! But, um, like I said – just how pathetic is that?

Well. How pathetic is it when you do this but it’s not really your birthday – you just need some spare cash?  Um … I’m asking hypothetically, of course.


Pranks For The Memories

January 30, 2015

When I was in high school and people passed around their yearbooks, I’d always try to sneak in a passage that went something like this:

You are the coolest friend I ever had! Stay totally rad, bro! – Jazzbiscuit

Thing is – my nickname wasn’t Jazzbiscuit. No one I knew was called Jazzbiscuit; I made the name up. I just like the idea that there are dozens of former classmates out there who will occasionally reminisce over their old yearbooks and wonder, “Who the hell was Jazzbiscuit?!”

Gran Spree

January 9, 2015

Have you ever eaten marzipan? It’s a sickly sweet comestible that’s vaguely reminiscent of salt licorice. It’s nasty. Nasty stuff. Especially when it’s molded into the shape of buttocks and served to your Nana MacIntyre by some jokers at the retirement villa.

Seriously, who does that to a woman who served as a WAC in Korea?

Daddy May Care

July 8, 2014

My son saw Toy Story for the first time when he was 8 and couldn’t sleep because he thought his toys would come alive at night and kill him. Of course, he finally fell asleep after about an hour and later that night I snuck into his room and rearranged his stuffed toys and Transformers. As a result, he wouldn’t sleep in his room for about three weeks and he eventually gathered all his toys in a sack and tossed them onto a fire. It cost me about $200 to replace the toys and a few thousand for the ensuing therapy but one day a long time from now – when he’s in high school and throws a Project X party or at college and needs me to bail him out of jail – I’m gonna let him know exactly what I did and laugh like a bloody maniac.