Five Embarrassing Crushes
The woman holding the torch in the Columbia Pictures logo
Dame Judi Dench
Melissa Etheridge
Peter Scolari as Hildegarde in Bosom Buddies
Cheetara from Thundercats
Five Unfortunate Valentine’s Day Memories
Chicken pox – third grade
Had candy hearts superglued to forehead by a-hole roommate in college after I fell asleep
High school girlfriend allergic to flowers I sent her
Romantic dinner for two turned into awkward dinner for three when she brought her boyfriend
First boy/girl party in middle school where I inadvertently spent “7 Minutes In Heaven” with an American Girl doll
Five Bad Excuses to Turn Down a Date
Dog in heat
Just got Venom: Let There Be Carnage on Blu-ray
Building life-size model of Orson Welles out of Legos
Roadying for REO Speedwagon reunion tour
Those Pottery Barn catalogs won’t recycle themselves!
Five Rejected Conversation Heart Sayings
Hands Off, Creep-O!
Future Taylor Swift Ex
MILF-tastic
Who’s Your Caddy?
Be My #1 & I’ll #2
Five Les Misérables Pickup Lines
I dreamed a dream of you and me in a three-way.
Oh, I will make you hear the people sing, baby!
At the end of the day, you’d better go home with me.
You are the hottest toothless, hairless prostitute I’ve ever seen!
My number may be 24601, but yours is a solid 10!
The Flehmen Response 