Posts Tagged ‘NBA’

In The Bag

August 21, 2017

I was telling some pals about this old commercial I remembered for the Food Lion chain of grocery stores featuring Michael Jordan. It aired back in the 1980s so I was willing to admit that I had recalled it incorrectly. However I found it online and, nope, I was right: Michael Jordan shoplifted.

Look carefully. He tosses the produce while still shopping but it doesn’t land in his bag until after he pays! Whoosh! “That’s a three-pointer!” Nope, that’s a misdemeanor! And I’m aware this was relatively early in his NBA career but you know he could still have afforded it. Oh sure, I hear you saying that he probably told the cashier to ring him up for the head of lettuce that was attempting re-entry because he’s just an upstanding guy and all but I think the far likelier scenario is: Whoosh! “Hey, uh, Michael, you wanna pay for that produce?” “I’m Michael Jordan! I know Dean Smith! Get the hell outta my face!” Yeah, that’s right! Own the crime, MJ! We got it on film! It’s a crime only slightly less bold than your baseball career and – uh – damn, I can’t do this anymore.

I know he didn’t shoplift. I know he’s a great guy. It’s just that I went to UNC-Chapel Hill and I’m not saying that I was that anxious freshman standing outside Carmichael gym, holding out a notebook and hoping for an autograph as you breezed by after basketball practice with your teammates, probably on your way to Mr. Gatti’s or Four Corners or some place ultra-cool – I’m just saying that sometimes our idols hurt us and all the crying and tear-stained pillows won’t make up for the fact that I had your poster, Michael! That one where you had your hands all stretched out and it took up and entire wall of my dorm room! I loved you, man! Maybe it was a guy crush, maybe it was something a little more that scared me back then and I’m still a little reluctant to talk about now, but I loved you! You couldn’t return one phone call or letter or sign one Carolina jersey?

Dammit. Now I’m all worked up about it. Still. Not too late to make amends.

Call me, Michael. We can still be BFF! It’s not too late!

 

August 2 Trivia Rankings

August 3, 2017

Another lovely evening with some wonderful new faces. Thanks to everyone who came to play.

What did we do? We talked of NBA logos, Ancient Wonders and late voiceover artists (RIP June Foray). Plus there was this mantastic dude…

Now here are the rankings for the week. See you next time, Quizlings!

Britney’s Had Marriages Longer Than Mooch Had A Job 71
We’ll Miss You, Mooch – We Hardly Knew Ye 67
At This Rate We’ll All Serve In This Adminstration (Briefly) 65
We Were Gonna Come Up With A Team Name But We Were too Busy Gossiping 63
My Milk Lasted Longer Than Scaramucci 63
Ain’t No Party Like A Hermit Crab Party Becuase A Hermit Crab Party Is Just Me Alone Forever 63
What’s The Key To ComedyTIMING! 62
Scaramouche, Scaramouche… Easy Come, Easy Go 60
Mary’s Ranch Attacks 59
Them 57
Oochie Coochie Scarmucci 56
Full Team Name 56
I Helped Write The Questions This Week 55
Double Trouble 54
Uncertaineers 47
Late To The Game 43
The Dream Team 42
Mediocre But Arrogant 41
The Limber Cucumbers 39
Are You Serious. Clark? 36
Single Trouble 36
I Thought You’d Be Taller 31
Benedict 24