Posts Tagged ‘Monopoly’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

March 10, 2018

 

Five TV Shows That Helped Me Get Through Puberty

WKRP in Cincinnati

Solid Gold

General Hospital

The Facts of Life

Jem

 

Five Rarely-Used Twitter Hashtags

#CancerSchmancer

#MonkeyPoxRules

#MyMomIsAWhore

#SoundsLikeCrowsFarting

#SoylentGreenIsPapal

 

Five Rejected Monopoly Tokens

A dozen Grade A eggs

Noose

Half-eaten box of Fiddle Faddle

An inflamed duodenum

Bucket of chum

 

Five Forgotten Tourist Attractions

Jimmy Carter’s birthmark

Largest Merkin West of the Mississippi

Old Indiana Pacers burial ground

Dolly Parton’s first training bra

Iowa corn maze in the shape of Mamie Eisenhower

 

Five Dr. Seuss Pickup Lines

Horton hears a hottie!

Wanna hop on pop?

I’d like to get this fox outta her socks.

Oh, the places you’ll go.

There’s a wocket in my pocket!

 

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FIVE RANDOM FIVE

April 16, 2016

Five Produce Items That Sound Vaguely Dirty

Parsnips

Leeks

Beets

Butternut Squash

Melons

 

Five Signs Your Tax Preparer Is An Idiot

When audited, pretends he can’t speak English

Thinks IRS is sexually transmitted

Got his degree on Craigslist

Let’s you deduct your Doctor Who DVDs as a medical expense

On your federal return, lists your occupation as “job”

 

Five Lesser Known New Elon Musk Inventions

A unicycle with two wheels

Superglue that doubles as a contraceptive

Can opener that cats can’t hear

A reverse turducken

An air guitar that actually plays music

 

Five Board Game Character Ailments

Gramma Nutt, Candyland – Diabetes

Lizzie Hippo, Hungry Hungry Hippos – Bulimia

Rich Uncle Pennybags, Monopoly – Gout

Cavity Sam, Operation – Hypochondria

Colonel Mustard, Clue – Herpes (contracted in a library tryst with Miss Scarlet)

 

Five Odd Relationship Dealbreakers

She doesn’t know Esperanto

He bathes like a cat

His wardrobe consists exclusively of concert tees and jorts

During sex, she insists you wear an Alex Trebek mask and only answer in the form of a question

You say “to-MAH-toh” and he says, “Why the hell are you talking like that?”