Posts Tagged ‘KISS’

Strange But True Yet Odd However Accurate Nevertheless Bizarre

April 1, 2018
Check out these amazing facts. Some are incredible and some are strange but all are true.

The world’s largest carrot weighed 68 pounds.

Benjamin Scholl, the man behind Dr. Scholl’s, is a doctor but he’s not a podiatrist – he is an ophthalmologist.

Diamonds were not considered valuable in ancient Prussia.

For several years in the early 1970s Dame Judi Dench was a groupie for the band Mott the Hoople.

The world record for stacking spoons on a single person’s nose is 752.

All the food consumed in all the Chinese restaurants in the United States would feed the nation of China for less than 36 hours.

Crossing your eyes can stifle a sneeze.

McDonaldland characters that have been retired include Hot Cherry Pie, Vanilla Shakey and the McGriddler.

At the height of their popularity, the band KISS would often perform in local clubs without their makeup giving them complete anonymity.

Welsh rugby player John Evans was one of the UK’s most infamous bigamists and prolific procreators. He fathered 74 children among 18 different women, all of which he legally married and never divorced.

Brothers Tyrell and Preston Rockwell have been playing the same game of chess by mail since 1959. The game was delayed once when the letter got lost in the mail and once when Preston was in a 15-year coma.

A blue whale’s vocal cords are the size of a VW bug

Steinfurther Allee in the Hamburg suburb of Billstedt has the worst arrival record of any train station in Europe. Since opening in 1990, not a single train has arrived on time.

George Lucas got the idea for Darth Vader’s breathing when his college roommate had sleep apnea.

The astronomer Copernicus postulated the existence of Dark Matter as far back as 1528, calling it “unsictbar nacht” (the invisible night).

In an attempt to update the Hardy Boys for a millennial generation, Frank and Joe became hipsters in 2009 and began to engage in typical teenage behavior like cursing, underage drinking and sex.

During WWI, Lawrence Welk was a sniper for the US Army with over 100 confirmed kills.

It would take longer for a penny dropped into the Pacific Ocean to reach the bottom than it would for a penny thrown from the edge of space to reach the moon.

The original Woodstock was supposed to be held in the summer of 1968 but the publicist was so stoned he didn’t know what year it was.

The Colombian frog species Sachatamia punctulata has a tongue strike so pronounced that if it were the size of a Saint Bernard it could punch a hole through solid wood.

The Vatican houses, among other things, three full-sized cineplexes, two ballrooms and a bumper car arena.

In her spare time, Lara Spencer of Good Morning America likes to write Sailor Moon fan fiction.

In addition to his career as Mark Twain, writer Samuel Clemens wrote several Victorian romances under the pen name Eustace Tibbett.

Pop-Tart flavors around the world include Curry (India), Octopus (Japan), Chili Crab (Singapore) and Yak (Mongolia).

Advertisements

It Was 40 Years Ago Today

August 11, 2017

[The following is a piece I originally wrote back in 1977 on my old Usenet site, “Sparky Mac’s Super Special Ultra Groovy Love Machine”…]

It was shaping up to be a pretty good year.

That real square Son of Sam was finally off the streets. The Alaskan pipeline was making sure the energy crisis was a thing of the past. I got to return from Canada thanks to the Prez from Plains. I came one step closer to living the Jetsons life when I picked me up one of those groovy Apple IIs. I even got that dy-no-mite Kiss comic that Marvel put out with the group’s very own blood in the ink. And to top it all off I discovered the most outta sight piece of celluloid fantasy Tinseltown has ever seen fit to lay on us masses – “Star Wars!” (And before you ask, I’ve seen it nine times. It’s the coolest, man! Luke and Leia are the bossest screen couple since Bogey and Bacall. And back off, Solo! She’s obviously Luke’s squeeze!)

Anyway, as I said, it _was_ shaping up to be a pretty good year. Now, I just got some really bad news which all but ruins the whole dang decade (even moreso than that over-hyped bicentennial barf last year). Hold onto your hats, gang – here it is:

Farrah Fawcett is leaving “Charlie’s Angels!”

No, that’s not a mistake. I just read the article in TV Guide and I’m one POed cat! In fact, I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! How in hades is this show going to continue?! How will television go on?! How will I ever look forward to Wednesday nights again?! NO FARRAH!?!? Say it ain’t so! I mean, it’s bad enough that ABC is losing “The Bionic Woman” to that jive Peacock and that they’ve taken “The Captain And Tennille” off the air, but to lose Ms. Fawcett as well is just too heavy, man. I can’t deal. Somebody’s cruisin’ for a brusin’!

Sure we’ll have her groovy posters and t-shirts and she says she wants to do more movies but I saw “Logan’s Run” and if you blink you miss her. [And forgive the aside but what a head trip that movie was. Sanctuary and killing people at thirty! That’s like old, man. I _should_ be killed when I get that ancient and gross and uncool.] Why can’t the blonde goddess just be happy with her life? She’s one of “Charlie’s Angels,” man! One of the foxiest ladies on the planet! And she’s married to that Six Million Dollar Man hunk too! Who couldn’t be happy with all that?

So, please, Farrah Fawcett. Please stay on “Charlie’s Angels.” If it’s the bread, mama, then I urge you to reconsider and think of your fans. There’s a lot of horny guys out here who need you each and every week to give flight to our far out fantasies, babe. And there ain’t no replacement Angel who could ever fill your wings.

To quote super rockers Firefall: “You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of. I knew it from the start. I saw your face and that’s the last I’ve seen of my heart.”

Right on!  

                      Sparky MacMillan was born on a summer day 1951 and with a slap of a hand he had landed as an only son.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

January 24, 2017

Five Days The Music Died

Buddy Holly’s plane crash (1959)

John Lennon’s assassination (1980)

KISS goes make-up free (1983)

The “Soy Bomb” incident (1998)

The release of Kevin Federline’s album (2008)

 

Five Nursery Rhyme Characters That Are Dicks

Old King Cole

Wee Willie Winkie

Georgie Porgie

Little Jack Horner

Cock Robin

 

Five Reasons To Watch “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”

Lost a bet

Easily swayed by pop culture icons

Remote went missing – can’t change channel

Your family looks like saints compared to these vain, talentless famewhores

Haven’t been the same since that mule kicked you in the head

 

Five Puzzling & Regrettable Cracker Jack Prizes

An opened ketchup packet

Gangrene

Sawdust

A crude drawing of Seth Meyers

A smaller, tinier box of Cracker Jacks

 

Five Signs You’ll Never Be Nominated For An Academy Award

Your movie was shot on your phone in your parent’s basement

Your “animated short” is nothing but a VHS of an old Popeye cartoon

The screenplay was adapted from a Denny’s menu

Sound track consists solely of fart noises

Your name is Vin Diesel