Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Jokes On You

July 27, 2017

I asked for jokes and you Quizlings came through. I’d love to share them all but some – while horribly funny – are not fit for a PG-13 blog. Regardless, here’s a darn good sampling.

What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm

6:03 is the best time on the clock, hands down!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic

A guy phones up an escort agency and asks for some “company.” A woman arrives and asks what the man wants to do. First, he has her hold on for a minute while he puts on his wellies and a rain jacket. Then he goes to the freezer and fetches a tray of ice. The escort is confused but she goes along with it. The man then gets into the shower, turns on the water and asks the escort to throw ice cubes at him. She does for a minute or two and then asks, “Aren’t you going to have sex with me?” To which the man responds: “What, in this weather?”

What kind of bees make milk?  Boo-bees

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him

Never date an apostrophe. It’s too possessive.

Why did the coffee file a police report? Because he got mugged.

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when they come into port they can Scan-da-navian.

What do you call a mother cow who just gave birth? Decalfinated

Two men are drinking on the second floor of a bar. One says, “Alright, I’m going home,” and he dives out of the window. The next day, the same two men are drinking and the other man asks, “How’d you survive that stunt yesterday?” The first man says, “There’s a big pile of hay right beneath the window.” The second man finishes his drink, dives out of the window and splatters on the concrete below. The first man laughs and the bartender says to him: “You’re a dick, Superman.”

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July 26 Trivia Rankings

July 27, 2017

Oh what a night, Quizlings! There were jokes – oh so many jokes – and a Stranger Things tee and ice cream and mistakes (red – white – really, who can tell the difference?) and – and – this guy …

I’ll post some of the awesome jokes you gave me shortly. Right now, getcher rankings on with this little line-up:

What The New Beer Pitcher Lacks In Length It Makes Up For In Girth 67
Pity The Beleaguered Keebler 66
We’re Off Our Game 64
Lucky In The Sky With Diamonds 64
Please God Don’t Ever Offer TV Game Shows As A Bonus Category Again 63
Chris Forgot The Cheesey Bread – Shame! 63
I Don’t Think Morgan’s Coming 63
We Eat Pizza And Know Things 62
I’ve Got A Lucky Whitehead On My Face 61
Team Baby Boy 60
We Drink And Know Things (Hopefully) 57
Spicer Fell Off The Rack 57
I Can Smeall Your Wings From Here 56
Our Gift Cards Went to The Beach 55
John McCain Leaves Us In Stitches 54
Shia Surprise 53
Kiddie Pool Full Of Hose Water 53
Scaramucci Scaramucci Will You Do The Fandango 49
I Thought You’d Be Taller 46
LeBron Can’t Leave You If You leave Him First 43
I Recuse Myself From First Second And Third Place 42
Cam Sux 42
Kyrie Wouldn’t Want To Be On Our Team Either 42
Doctor Know 35
Arcking 35
I’m Too Hungry, Man 31