Posts Tagged ‘James Bond’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Father’s Day Edition)

June 17, 2017

Five People I Wished Were My Dad When I Was A Kid

Steve Douglas (Fred MacMurray on My Three Sons)

Evel Knievel

Captain Kangaroo

James Bond

Paul Lynde (yeah, I know – but at the time …)


Five Things My Father Never Taught Me

How to ride a bike

How to fish

How to manage my finances

The birds and the bees

How to find him when he went away


Five Dad Cliches

I don’t pay to heat the whole neighborhood.

Because I say so!

Go ask your mother.

I brought you into this world – I can take you out!

Let’s not tell your mom about this, okay?


Five of My Favorite Fathers

Father Time

Father Ted

Father Christmas

Father Guido Sarducci

Father Goose


Five Fictional Characters with Severe Daddy Issues



Luke Skywalker

The singer of Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone

The Huxtable Kids (totally in retrospect, of course)




November 15, 2015

Five Women I’d Marry Immediately If They Asked

Rachel Bloom

Kether Donohue

Krysten Ritter

Judy Greer

Alexandra Breckenridge

Five Overrated Things

YouTube Stars

The hashtag


Craft beer

Fan theories about TV shows

Five Historical Goats

Johann Goatenberg

Archduke Francis Ferdinannie

Alexander the Gruff

Nicholas Capricornicus

Billie the Kid

Five Good Reasons Not To Tip

You were seated next to the kitchen.

The wait staff was abusive.

Your entrée was still mooing.

The check was written in blood and, when read aloud, summoned several demons that tortured and killed your family.

It’s an outmoded practice that deserves scorn, derision and active rejection.

Five Things I’ll Never Say

This head cheese is phat yumptious!

Bartender, could you change the channel to TLC?

What this song needs is another rap breakdown.

‘Sup, bro? Check out my man-bun.

I bet that new James Bond movie passes the Bechdel test!


February 28, 2015

Five Things I Tried To Deduct On My Taxes

Mileage for community service

Tickets to Hello Kitty Con

Seminar on selling Beanie Babies for maximum profit

Cost of failed Genioplasty

Membership in the Jodie Sweetin fan club


Five Snowman Pickup Lines

Let’s have some fun before I melt away.

You know what they say – “Big carrot… ”

Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs.

You have the prettiest coal I’ve ever seen.



Five Cereal Mascot Crimes

Toucan Sam – Cocaine possession

The Trix Rabbit – Child endangerment

Alfie, Carlyle, Dave, Brunhilde and Seadog (S. S. Guppy Crew) – Mutiny

Count Chocula – Indecent Exposure

Tony the Tiger – Grrrrrrrrand Theft Auto


Five Autocorrects for Dirty Words




Shrimp Scampy

Fuqua School of Business


Five Things James Bond Would Never Say

Hit. You sunk my battleship!

That’s one purdy mule.

One adult for Spongebob: Sponge Out Of Water, please.

Dude, that Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger® from Carls’s Jr. is really making my colon gnarly!

This has never happened to me before. Can we can just cuddle?