WILL THE FARMERS’ ALMANAC KINDLY JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?

It’s been a hot summer around here. Not sweltering or debilitating or anything like that but hot enough. AC’s been going full blast and some fans are even running to take the edge off – but outside it’s been a hot, humid mess. All that nastiness and now we’re finally nearing what could reasonably called “fall.” Beautiful autumnness with lower temps and cool winds and leaves and fairs and stuff. Can’t wait.

And then the bloody Farmers’ Almanac comes along and screams, “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE HORRIBLY IN THE DEATH ICEBOX OF NATURE!” Well, technically, they didn’t scream and it was more like, “Farmers’ Almanac predicts one of the coldest winters on record” and “deep winter chill” and “numb’s the word.” The editor even called it a “season of shivers” which of course makes me think of Halloween and while I love The Monster Mash I wouldn’t want to experience that Bobby “Boris” Pickett novelty sumbitch the whole freakin’ winter!

Ultimately, the Farmers’ Almanac maybe right, may be wrong – that’s so not the point. The point is we were finally getting a little tiny amount of joy up in this Accuweather bitch and the Farmers’ Almanac has to come along and try and scare the ever-lovin’ crap outta us!

So, forgive me if I politely ask, “Will the Farmers’ Almanac kindly just shut the hell up?”

WILL THE FARMERS’ ALMANAC KINDLY JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?

It’s been a hot summer around here. Not sweltering or debilitating or anything like that but hot enough. AC’s been going full blast and some fans are even running to take the edge off but outside it’s been a hot, humid mess. All that nastiness and now we’re finally nearing what could reasonably called “fall.” Beautiful autumnness with lower temps and cool winds and leaves and fairs and stuff. Can’t wait.

And then the bloody Farmers’ Almanac comes along and screams, “WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE HORRIBLY IN THE DEATH ICEBOX OF NATURE!” Well, technically, they didn’t scream and it was more like, “Farmers’ Almanac Predicts Frigid U.S. Winter” and “Farmers’ Almanac predicts numbing cold this winter.” The editor even called it a “polar coaster” which of course makes me think of a fun ride at an amusement park and while I would love to ride Steel Vengeance at Cedar Point I wouldn’t want to experience that hyper-hybrid record-breaking sumbitch with almost 30 seconds of airtime the whole freakin’ winter!

Ultimately, the Farmers’ Almanac maybe right, may be wrong – that’s so not the point. The point is we were finally getting a little tiny amount of joy up in this Accuweather bitch and the Farmers’ Almanac has to come along and try and scare the ever-lovin’ crap outta us!

So, forgive me if I politely ask, “Will the Farmers’ Almanac kindly just shut the hell up?”