Posts Tagged ‘Easter’

Gentile On My Mind

April 18, 2017

Well, a great holiday has come and gone here in my household! Seriously great. And I’m not just saying that because I get to drink Schnapps again after giving it up for Lent. Nope, here at the MacMillan abode, it’s a non-stop party; especially since due to the nature of our respective upbringings we celebrate a blended holiday we like to call Paas-over (and lemme tell you – in case you’ve never tried – it’s not easy to dye a matzah).

But things are settling down now. The kids, Jake and Maxine, have pretty much finished their charoset bunnies and kosher peeps and Moira has begun work on her special parsley-salt water egg salad, which will be the centerpiece of most lunches for the next few weeks.

And me? My final job before I hit the hay is to see if I can remember where I hid all the gefilte fish we couldn’t find during the hunt yesterday. Give it a few days and the smell should lead me right to it, I guess.

Mazel tov!

The Easter Bunny Hates You

April 16, 2017

This. NEVER. Gets. Old.

Happy Easter!

Chocolate Reign

March 18, 2016

I always find it amusing when people try to explain how Easter treats get made. As if an anthropomorphic bunny delivering candy and hiding poultry ova needed something sensible to bolster its logic.

That’s why this ad for a British supermarket chain caught my eye. It features a gigantic chocolate hen coerced (enslaved?) into perching atop the store to lay chocolate eggs for the eager shoppers below. Personally, I can’t help but find this creature so frighteningly unholy that the last thing I’d want to do would be forge any sort of alliance with it. I mean, the moment she realizes you are eating her offspring as candy, Chicken Kong will wreak havoc in the streets, trampling and pecking to death anyone with even the slightest trace of chocolate on their breath. I guess the only upside is that the merest warm, sunny day will turn this monster into nothing more than a chocolate sludge … but this is England so, really, what are the chances of a sunny day?

How Stupid Are Kids?

April 5, 2015

Rhetorical question really because kids are pretty bloody stupid. We all start out as gullible, naïve little tabula rasas and even when we learn about the truly horrible stuff (death, disease, divorce) we still devour the lies adults feed us like Augustus Gloop at a Willy Wonka smorgasbord. But I guess the question really should be “How stupid do adults think kids are?” 

I’m talking about the Easter Bunny here, folks. If you’ve ever gotten a basket full of chocolate, jellybeans, Cadbury eggs and other ingenious ways to hasten the demise of those rarely-flossed baby teeth, then you’ve probably been told about the Easter Bunny. He doesn’t have a really cool origin like Santa and he doesn’t have the colorful trappings that help Santa dazzle imaginations, yet adults still push this Lagamorpha load like they’re his own personal superagent. Hell, even the Tooth Fairy has a better backstory. But time after time, year after year, Easter after frikkin’ Easter, kids are told that the Easter Bunny will come visit. There’s not even a threat of “if you’re good…” and there’s no insincere artifice beyond the initial promise of candy and Paas. The awkward conversations about “How can Santa travel all around the world in one night” are nonexistent when it comes to the Easter Bunny. Why he does what he does, how he gets the candy and painted ova, whether he is part poultry – all moot. Kids rarely ask, don’t really care. And the pièce de résistance of the grownup ridiculosity is this:

EasterBunny

THIS, adults tell you, is the Easter Bunny. Sigh. It’s a guy in a suit, we all know that. The kids know it. Their parents know it. The news reporter forced to cover this ridiculous holiday sham knows it. The only bonehead who may be oblivious to this salient fact is the method actor inside the costume who’s been living off carrots and lettuce for two weeks now and has been trying to crap in little pellets just to be “true to his character.” (more…)