Posts Tagged ‘Diseases’

Ill Will

March 5, 2017

You know what I think would be cool? No, wait – that’s a loaded question. Lots of thing would be cool to me. My credit union misplacing a couple of decimals and throwing my account balance into the low six figures. That would be neat. Aaron Sorkin given carte blanche to create a TV show that would run for as long as he wanted and without network interference. That would be sweet. Seeing Naomi Watts and Rachel Weisz standing on my doorstep because their car broke down and they’re hot and sweaty from walking and they need a place to shower. That would be really bloody awesome.

But no, this time what I think would be cool is for some seasonal viral outbreak to occur where people temporarily lose their mind due to contagion. It would be horrible although not fatal. But, while infectious, people would become disgusting mockeries of themselves. It would happen as the seasons changed and winter thawed into spring. Inhibitions would fly, taboos would be broken, intelligence lost and the afflicted would become walking ids, wreaking such a havoc upon their communities that the stigma of the illnesses would forevermore nudge anything else of similar appellation from the forefront of consciousness.

And what would the medical community would call such a disease? “March Madness.” Thus ensuring that the NCAA would have to come up with something else to call their little cager clambake, not unlike the makers of that dietetic candy Ayds had to do back in the 80s (look it up).

I think that would be cool. But, of course, that’s just me.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

August 30, 2014

Five Irrational Fears

Fear that the mirror guy is stalking you

Fear the color mauve will kill you while you sleep

Fear that if you smelt it you really have dealt it

Fear of denim based life forms

Fear of air quotes

 

Five Waiting Room Mistakes

Not checking in

Sitting next to a coughing kid

Reading a 3-year-old US News & World Report

Making eye contact with anyone

Assuming the staff actually gives a damn

 

Five Band Names That Could Be Diseases

Naked Eyes

The dB’s

Quarterflash

Chilliwack

Chumbawumba

 

Five Game Shows In Hell

Wheel of Misfortune

Card Sharks With Actual Sharks

Match Game BM

Win Ben Stein’s Kidney

Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

 

Five Signs You’re Dating A Doctor Who Fan

He doesn’t call you his girlfriend but his companion

He lists UNIT as a reference on his resume

Draws an extra heart on all his Valentine’s Day cards

His fashion sense relies heavily on scarves, brollies, fezzes and bowties

During sex, he screams, “It’s bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!”