Posts Tagged ‘Cookie Puss’

TEN RANDOM THINGS THAT HAVE KEPT ME AWAKE AT NIGHT

July 21, 2017

Chris Gaines? What the hell was that all about, Garth?

Bidet comes from the French word for small horse.

Where’s my rock tumbler?!

When will they release The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer on DVD?

Mylar balloons!!!!

Chuck E. Cheese‘s mascot is a freakin’ rat?! Why hasn’t the health department closed them down already?

When I was 13, I saved up my allowance until I had enough to purchase a year’s subscription to Tiger Beat. I only got 11 issues. Damn them.

Who would win in a fight: Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss?

“I will have two fillings!”

Who exactly left the cake out in the rain? Richard Harris said “someone” but I think the drunken sod knew who it was and was just covering for them.

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FIVE RANDOM FIVE

July 5, 2016

Five Dinosaur Musicals

Bye Bye Archaeopteryx

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Triassic Period

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Triceratops

Pump Boys and Dimetrodons

Bring In Da Noise/Bring In Da Fukuisaurus

 

Five One-Hit Wonders I Always Sing Along To

Love Plus One

The Night Chicago Died

Cotton Eye Joe

Indian Reservation

It’s Raining Men

 

Five Tyler Perry Movies I’d Like to See

Madea Goes To Hell

Why Did I Eat Curry?

Madea’s Family Dismemberment

Tyler Perry’s House of Flying Daggers

Madea’s Big Inoperable Tumor

 

Five Foot-Based Phobias

Fear that big toe will dislocate during sleep

Fear two feet will fuse into one massive psuedo-foot

Fear of stinky heels

Fear plantar fasciitis will become de rigueur

Fear that Dr. Scholl isn’t really a doctor

 

Five Birthday Party Faux Pas

Candyless piñata

Passing wind during pin the tail on the donkey

Playing Dead Kennedys during musical chairs

Hitting on best friend’s mom during opening of the gifts

American Pie-ing Cookie Puss

People I Hate #781 (In A Series)

August 22, 2014

Who: Cookie Puss.

Why: What the hell’s he supposed to be? It’s like a space alien got nasty with a proboscis monkey. Look at him! He’s just freaky. Big bug eyes and an ice cream cone nose – tasty, sure, but if this frozen bastard doesn’t haunt your soul then you’re made of sterner stuff than I am.

How I justify it: My fifth birthday and long after the Carvel confection had been devoured by a horde of kindergarteners I awake to see his horrible visage staring at me in the darkness. My parents say it was a dream but I know the face of evil when it visits me in the night and this demonic dessert is the only thing that will never melt in the fires of Hell!