Posts Tagged ‘Commercials’

Room With Eschew

October 12, 2019

I keep seeing this excessively pretentious commercial for Marriott …

And in between eye rolls so massive I’m in danger of seeing the back of my head I can’t help but every time I see it scream, “IT’S JUST A BLOODY HOTEL!” It’s not VR or nirvana or some sort of rent-by-night paradise, it’s just a stupid hotel. Pricey, yes, but it is a hotel and only a hotel. It will not change your life. It will not inspire you. You won’t fly or hover. You’ll just hope the drunk people in the hallway shut the hell up because it’s after midnight and you have a meeting in the morning and if they do then maybe you can finally get some sleep on this mattress which in spite of its pompous name is still a hotel bed and it’s not your regular bed so you toss and turn – and is it 6am already?! Dammit.

Stupid affected hotel ad. Just tell me where the ice machine is and don’t list the titles of my in-room movie purchases on my bill, okay?



April 19, 2019

What do you get when you mix a World War II prison camp with the most bizarre product placement possibly ever devised? This – a Hogan’s Heroes ad for Jell-O (in character and complete with special guest star Miss Carol Channing). Why? Apparently because we’ve all forgotten the tremendous selling power of Nazis.

Aaaaah, Freak Out!

May 25, 2018

I admit the 1970s were bizarre time and place. For instance, there was a moment when Ralston Purina thought it would be a good idea to create a cereal full of hideous mutant creatures, sort of a Captain Crunch meats Tod Browning’s Freaks. Or maybe a Snap, Crackle & Pop for the Love Canal generation, if you will. Regardless, the Freakies were born and kids around the world became devotees of this ghastly cadre of breakfast beasts. Well, perhaps not around the world – but definitely around my breakfast table. Freakies was my favorite cer-e-eel. Y’know, I think I still have my rubber Snorkeldorf around in a box somewhere. (And, no, that’s not a euphemism.)

April 11 Trivia Rankings

April 12, 2018

Lovely to see some folks back from Spring Break this week, Quizlings! As the weather warms and we sit outside and bring doggies for Sparky to pet, spread the word about our little Trivia Night and bring your friends and family and co-workers and baristas and greengrocers and pretty much anyone you know who might like our brand of fun.

This week we chatted about iconic burgers, quarterback crashes and really old school books in Oklahoma. And then there was this advertising trifle…

Now check out the rankings for the week. Someone’s gotta be at the top and someone’s gotta be … well, you know.

Trump Remodeling His Cabinet 68
We Want Our Prize Money In Cookies, Please 67
Paul Ryan’s Run Out Of Thoughts And Prayers 64
Benny Pickled The Beast 62
Twitter War For Real 60
Insert Name Here 60
You Can Have My Data – I’m Not That Interesting 59
Adele! The Answer Is Adele! 58
Ryan’s Cowards 56
We Lost Waldo 56
We Need A Better Witch Hunt 55
The Feds Are Coming! The Feds Are Coming! 54
Freedom Avengers 53
Micropigs 50
Werther’s Original: The Amber Alert Of Caramels 45
Team MySpace 42
Aviators 25

Random Neurons Firing

October 3, 2017

My mind is really a scary place. It’s like an attic so filled with clutter that you daren’t set foot inside lest you risk damage by a towering mound of Christmas decorations from 1986. Open it up and who knows what will come tumbling out.

For instance, I’m in bed the other night. I’m reading, finishing off What Happened … I stayed up much, much too late (as usual) and was merely whiling away the minutes until slumber. Eventually I drift off to sleep.

Then bam! Suddenly I’m wide awake! I’ve been asleep for less than 30 minutes but now I’m alert and panicked and my heart is beating a mile a minute. I can’t fall back to sleep and I stay awake for an hour. And one thought keeps bouncing round my noggin like a pea in an oil drum:

Whatever happened to that guy in those coffee commercials who was hitchhiking across America with his dog? Did he make it? Is he still traveling? Did he fall on hard times and have to eat his dog like Lewis and Clark did? Who knows the answer? Can I do a Google search?

Sigh. Pretty pathetic, I know. But it’s my mind and welcome to it.

A New Lease On Lie

June 6, 2017

I needed to rent a car a while back and I called around and, hey, interesting thing here – Enterprise would not pick me up.  Their commercials say they do but from my experience … eh, not so much.  Not saying that Enterprise is a lying sack, I’m just suggesting that maybe that slogan – “We’ll pick you up” – might want some amending to something a little more along the lines of accurate like: “We’ll pick you up … sometimes.” or “We’ll pick you up if we’re in the neighborhood, bra.” or “We’ll pick you up if the mood hits us so stop griping about it and just get off our #$%ing backs!”  Just saying.

The Feeling’s NOT Mutual

August 21, 2015

You know who I feel sorry for? Reeeeally feel sorry for? Those angry people in the Liberty Mutual commercials.

Yeah, I know they’re actors. And I know insurance is a scam that sucks. And I know I’m pretty angry about my rates right about now but – damn, those jokers are disgruntled as hell and it’s pretty unsettling.

I mean, let’s look at most ad campaigns for insurance – teleporting agents, animated geckos, upset cavemen, whee-wheeing pigs, Liz Lemon’s boyfriend wreaking havoc and even the president from 24. Even when they’re sorta serious, they’re still kinda fun and whimsical. It’s as if the spots are subconsciously saying: “Yeah, we know everyone hates insurance so let’s at least entertain you a little.”

But then these Liberty Mutual hardcases happen along and regale you with sob stories of crappy insurance companies that screwed them over until they switched to the commercial’s company. By the time you see the Liberty Mutual graphic at the end, the sour taste is so fully in your mouth it might as well do a cavity check and all you can do is feel so sorry for the scowling, frustrated, upset claimants.

Bottom line: Lighten up Liberty Mutual. Insurance reeks as bad as your ads but you don’t have to drag us all down to your level of bitter resentment and abject irritation.

Shirt Shrift

January 14, 2015

There’s this radio commercial I hear on occasion. Don’t know if it’s local, regional or national but, like so many radio offerings, it pisses me the hell off because it’s so ridiculously stupid.

It begins with a simple question: What’s the best way to bring people together? Whatever a practical answer to this might be, the ad’s is a chorus of people gleefully shouting, “T-SHIRTS!”

Whaaaa – ?! T-shirts are the BEST way to bring people together?! What fantastic, world-changing news! Want to end gridlock in DC? Just get the jokers some t-shirts. Middle East, why you be buggin’? You just haven’t worn the right t-shirts!

Hey, I know it’s just a dumb ad but if you’re going to use a little hyperbole make it at least believable. “Our shirts are the best!” “Everyone loves our shirts!” Not “Our shirts cure cancer!”

And while we’re at it, use a hook that is, at least, universally positive. T-shirts bring people together? Same can be said for funerals.

Dese Nuts

October 7, 2014

Another Snickers ad? Ho hum, you might say but you’d be wrong when the ad in question features Mr. Bean as a ninja and has the greatest slogan that would never fly here in the States because it is British and far too bloody clever. Enjoy this awesomeness.

Cat Pitch Fever

March 27, 2014

I don’t know why talking cats in commercials seem to be trending but it doesn’t matter because I love it! Cute kitties, funny dialogue, CGed anthropomorphization, who wouldn’t be feline groovy? Check out these Morris wannabes fur some laffs.