Posts Tagged ‘Comic Books’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

August 5, 2019

 

Five Novelty Songs

Junk Food Junkie (Larry Groce)

Fish Heads (Barnes & Barnes)

Der Fuhrer’s Face (Spike Jones)

Take Off (Bob & Doug McKenzie)

King Tut (Steve Martin)

 

Five Spice Girl-Seven Dwarf Hybrids

Grumpinger

Doc Scary

Baby Sneezy

Poshful

Sporthappy

 

Five Sentences I’ve Never Spoken (And Never Will)

“Fill ‘er up – with delicious goose gravy!”

“One senior ticket for Crawl, please.”

“Rookie Wookiee nookie bookie cookie Snooki.”

“Duke rules!”

“Reality television is not ruining the small screen.”

 

Five Things I Hope Scientists Never Find Cause Cancer

Chocolate

Sex

Comic Books

British comedies

Feeling superior to idiots

 

Five Movies That Sound Like They Could Be Porn

Gleaming the Cube

Romancing the Stone

The Big Red One

Feeling Minnesota

Driving Miss Daisy

 

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Superman Edition)

June 22, 2019

 

Five Least Marketable Superman Family Characters

Superman’s Landlord, Larry Lewis

Ploppo the Super-Grouper

Clark Kent’s Optometrist

Craig Luthor, Lex’s younger, less successful brother

Yok-El, Superman’s Redneck Kryptonian Cousin

 

Five Unknown Superman Weaknesses

Can’t do Sudoku

Heat vision doesn’t work on gazpacho

Vulnerability to yodeling

Commitment

A hot dog makes him lose control

 

Five Jimmy Olsen Complaints

Superman doesn’t trust him with his secret identity

Daily Planet 401K sucks

Clark Kent won’t join him on LinkedIn

Krypto always greets him by sniffing his crotch

At office parties, Perry White gets a little “handsy”

 

Five Rarely-Used Superman Nicknames

The Man of Molybdenum

S-Head

The Flying Buttress

The Metropolis Meatball

The Illegal Alien from Krypton

 

Five Valuable Superman Comic Books

Action Comics #1 – first appearance

Superman #61 – first kryptonite

Superboy #14 – Clark Kent uses x-ray vision to spy on Lana Lang in shower

Action Comics #663 – Lex Luthor tries Propecia

World’s Finest #52 – Superman & Batman in drunken threesome with Hawkgirl

 

No Love

May 6, 2019

According to a government study, students who took part in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not. Basically, this means the nearly $2 billion the federal government spent on abstinence-until-marriage education since 1982 may have been completely wasted.

Say, I got an idea. You want to keeps kids from having sex? Give ’em braces and glasses and then make ’em join the chess club, read comic books, play D&D and watch sci fi. Trust me: No one will even give them a glance sexually. Hey, it worked for me! (And you’re welcome, federal government! You can make that $2 billion check out to Sparky MacMillan.)

With Great Poser …

January 8, 2019

Who is the lamest superhero, you ask? Most people who don’t read comics (and a few who do) will say Aquaman. But that’s because they’re idiots. Sure, the Superfriends cartoon made him look as useful as a plate of three-day-old tuna – and there were a few early Justice League issues that weren’t much better. I mean, seriously, Martian Manhunter may have had the dumbest weakness (fire) because he was essentially a Superman-level hero with ESP and invisibility and other cool powers and a match could take him out, yet Aquaman was consistently depicted as becoming as weak as limp fettuccine after exactly ONE HOUR out of water. Meaning at 59 minutes and he’s the King of The Seas but 60 seconds later and, bam, he’s lucky Mrs. Paul wasn’t his arch nemesis. Still, he’s Atlantean royalty, so that’s gotta count for something! And he can talk to fish, which is more than you can do. Plus, his body is used to the pressures at the bottom of the sea so he had super strength on land. Face it: This guy was no limpet. (more…)

Somebody Save Me

September 10, 2018

Supposedly, as it was told, Superman was born on February 29th. At least that was the pat response that DC Comics and staff would give when queried as to the date of the Man of Steel’s birth either by mail or at comic book conventions or cocktail parties. Me, I always found that explanation to be a bit glib. Born on leap day? As if that explained the comic book contrivance of aging at a slower rate than the readership. If so, what about Batman? Or Wonder Woman? Or Julius Schwartz? And was the 29th supposed to be the day he was born on Krypton or the date he arrived on Earth and was adopted by the Kents? The apathetic answer, designed to quiet fanboys, disturbed me greatly as a young collector. But, to be honest, what really disturbs me the most about this whole Superman’s birthday commotion was how much time I spent obsessing over that particular piece of four-color minutiae when I was a teenager!

Yep, I didn’t date much in high school.

Supes

But What’s Up With That Seal?

December 11, 2017

I could go into deep detail about my longtime love/hate relationship with the 1960s Batman television series … how the show’s camp nature seemed to forevermore stain the public psyche where the Dark Knight was concerned yet how much damn fun the whole mishigas was so it almost offsets my ire …

I could go into detail about it all but I think this clip speaks for itself…

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Justice League Edition)

November 18, 2017

Five Things Superman and Batman Fight Over

Which is cooler – the Batcave or the Fortress of Solitude

Who has the more tragic backstory

What toppings to get on a pizza

Batman never clears old episodes of Say Yes To The Dress from the JLA DVR

Whether to raise Robin Jewish or Lutheran

 

Five Legion of Doom Pet Peeves

Swamp headquarters attracts a lot of bugs

No healthy snacks in the commissary

Lex Luthor turned casual Fridays into pantless Fridays

Not nearly enough toys (Toyman only)

Solomon Grundy never flushes

 

Five Flash Pick-Up Lines

I like fast girls.

Don’t tell anyone … but my secret identity is Brad Pitt.

What has two thumbs and owns a cosmic treadmill? THIS guy!

Yeaaaaah, I know Green Arrow.

I’m only the fastest man alive when I’m fighting crime, if ya know what I mean. 

 

Five Milestone Comic Book Issues

Brave and the Bold #28 – The Justice League bands together for the first time

Flash #123 – Re-introduces Justice Society of America into continuity

Extreme Justice #2 – First appearance of Martian Manhunter’s longtime companion, G’ary

Justice League International #18 – Guy Gardner given atomic wedgie by Booster Gold

JLA #59 – Elongated Man and Sue Dibny attend a key party 

 

Five Justice League Hazing Initiations

Taking Aquaman “midnight swimming”

Streaking through the Avengers HQ

Drinking a fifth of vodka and reciting the Green Lantern oath

Pantsing Alfred

Burying the Wonder Twins in a shallow grave in the desert

 

Fool Me Once …

October 27, 2017

Back in fifth grade, my best friend and I went in halfsies on what we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was going to be the coolest thing ever in our young lives – a monster! But not just any monster, no – a life-size monster that obeys your every whim and comes when you command!

We ordered it out of the back of a comic book. I think it was $1.50, so we each put seventy-five cents in an envelope and mailed it off. It said wait six to eight weeks but of course we’d come home every day after school and immediately look in the mailbox. We did this for two months. Finally, it arrived. (more…)

Hard To Believe

September 2, 2016

You don’t have to be a fanboy to appreciate this little publishing gem – it’s the BEST COMIC BOOK COVER EVER!

Yes, it’s the actual cover to Dell’s The Rifleman #10 (1962) featuring a very-happy-to-see-you Chuck Connors and a young boy who had better have grown up to know a good therapist.

And you thought my Giant-Size Man-Thing was awesome.

Check Out My Giant-Size Man-Thing!

March 7, 2016

Seriously. This is a real comic book. Marvel published it in the 1970s.

Honestly. If you thought titles like Brother Power, The Geek and Not Brand Echh were bizarre, try walking around a comic convention and asking folks if you can see their “Giant-Size Man-Thing.” 

Heck, I’d wager someone may be putting me on some special watch list even as I type the very words. But that doesn’t matter. I collect comic books. I can name all the forms of Kryptonite and recite the Green Lantern oath by heart (both Golden Age and Silver Age). You want to test the mettle of a real fanboy? It’s someone who can say “Giant-Size Man-Thing” without irony or derision.

So, hey. My Giant-Size Man-Thing. Check it out. I’m quite proud of it. I’ll show it off to strangers, if they ask. It’s in fine condition. And when I’m not displaying it proudly, I keep it in a Mylar sleeve.