Posts Tagged ‘Coffee’

Random Neurons Firing

October 3, 2017

My mind is really a scary place. It’s like an attic so filled with clutter that you daren’t set foot inside lest you risk damage by a towering mound of Christmas decorations from 1986. Open it up and who knows what will come tumbling out.

For instance, I’m in bed the other night. I’m reading, finishing off What Happened¬†… I stayed up much, much too late (as usual) and was merely whiling away the minutes until slumber. Eventually I drift off to sleep.

Then bam! Suddenly I’m wide awake! I’ve been asleep for less than 30 minutes but now I’m alert and panicked and my heart is beating a mile a minute. I can’t fall back to sleep and I stay awake for an hour. And one thought keeps bouncing round my noggin like a pea in an oil drum:

Whatever happened to that guy in those coffee commercials who was hitchhiking across America with his dog? Did he make it? Is he still traveling? Did he fall on hard times and have to eat his dog like Lewis and Clark did? Who knows the answer? Can I do a Google search?

Sigh. Pretty pathetic, I know. But it’s my mind and welcome to it.

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Jokes On You

July 27, 2017

I asked for jokes and you Quizlings came through. I’d love to share them all but some – while horribly funny – are not fit for a PG-13 blog. Regardless, here’s a darn good sampling.

What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm

6:03 is the best time on the clock, hands down!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic

A guy phones up an escort agency and asks for some “company.” A woman arrives and asks what the man wants to do. First, he has her hold on for a minute while he puts on his wellies and a rain jacket. Then he goes to the freezer and fetches a tray of ice. The escort is confused but she goes along with it. The man then gets into the shower, turns on the water and asks the escort to throw ice cubes at him. She does for a minute or two and then asks, “Aren’t you going to have sex with me?” To which the man responds: “What, in this weather?”

What kind of bees make milk?  Boo-bees

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him

Never date an apostrophe. It’s too possessive.

Why did the coffee file a police report? Because he got mugged.

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when they come into port they can Scan-da-navian.

What do you call a mother cow who just gave birth? Decalfinated

Two men are drinking on the second floor of a bar. One says, “Alright, I’m going home,” and he dives out of the window. The next day, the same two men are drinking and the other man asks, “How’d you survive that stunt yesterday?” The first man says, “There’s a big pile of hay right beneath the window.” The second man finishes his drink, dives out of the window and splatters on the concrete below. The first man laughs and the bartender says to him: “You’re a dick, Superman.”