Posts Tagged ‘Children’

No … No … Just, No

March 8, 2017

Mexican theater chain Cinépolis revealed plans to put a children’s playground in movie theaters.


Now I can’t be absolutely sure but, if I remember my cinema correctly, making movie houses more kid-friendly was one of the seven signs in that Demi Moore film, wasn’t it?

Help Less

July 14, 2015

I keep seeing this commercial for some organization out to help third world children. They’re not breaking any new molds; the doom and gloom pleas of “only YOU can help” have been around since Sally Struthers first peeled an onion. But they always irk me for their basic disingenuity. For instance, in the ad I keep seeing, there’s some kid from Paraguay named Jose (the name and the country have been changed to protect the innocent, but primarily because I don’t remember them exactly) who’s getting water from a puddle that looks like it was defecated in by fraternity pledges with the type of stomach virus that makes Legionnaires Disease look like sour belly. The announcer plaintively intones, “Who will help Jose?” And all I can do is scream at the screen, “How about the damn cameraman?! HE’S RIGHT THERE!!!”

Basket Case

May 24, 2015

I was at Harris Teeter the other evening, doing a bit of late night shopping, and I noticed a line of those electronic buggies by the entrance – you know the ones that you can ride around on when the staff’s not looking.  Well, there’s this great big sign on the front on the basket that reads: No children in basket. So I looked and I looked and, yep, sure enough – there were no children in the basket. Why the heck they needed to put a sign on it stating the bleedin’ obvious I’ll never know!

If Wishes Were Hippies

January 18, 2015

There was a time when everything was groovy and people thought it was a nifty idea to encourage kids to grow up to be redwood trees. Many people were high and most of them were full of themselves and lava lamps and love beads and waterbeds were used without irony in this magical time. This was the 1970s, an era that gave us the SuperFriends and H. R. Pufnstuf and Hong Kong Phooey and stream of consciousness fare like this – Make A Wish. Seriously, this was a show for children. And it was wonderful!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

May 8, 2014

I think that if you have a kid under the age of, say, ten and you let him run around with a rattail haircut then that’s pretty much tantamount to child abuse. Okay, so it’s not as bad as child abuse but I think it’s grounds for child protective services to intervene and cut the kid’s hair. At least get the sprog some some fashion advice so he doesn’t grow up to be a complete tool.