Posts Tagged ‘Carvel’

TEN RANDOM THINGS THAT HAVE KEPT ME AWAKE AT NIGHT

July 21, 2017

Chris Gaines? What the hell was that all about, Garth?

Bidet comes from the French word for small horse.

Where’s my rock tumbler?!

When will they release The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer on DVD?

Mylar balloons!!!!

Chuck E. Cheese‘s mascot is a freakin’ rat?! Why hasn’t the health department closed them down already?

When I was 13, I saved up my allowance until I had enough to purchase a year’s subscription to Tiger Beat. I only got 11 issues. Damn them.

Who would win in a fight: Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss?

“I will have two fillings!”

Who exactly left the cake out in the rain? Richard Harris said “someone” but I think the drunken sod knew who it was and was just covering for them.

May 31 Trivia Rankings

May 31, 2017

Covfefe, Quizlings. I hoped you covfefed this week’s covfefe. It was a covfefe evening full of covfefe and covfefe. And, of course, covfefe.

Along the covfefe we covfefed about the Civil War, Australia’s covfefe and Wall Street’s urinating covfefe.

Plus there was covfefe covfefe covfefe covfefe covfefe:

Now covfefe the covfefe rankings for this covfefe …

Baby Groot Doesn’t Wear Hats 66
Hey, I Just Met You And This Is Crazy But Here’s My Number, Covfefe Maybe 66
Trump Has Sand In His Covfefe 66
This Is Not A Covfefe Reference 65
Wow, America. We’re in Deep Covfefe 64
Covfefe, Cofvedi, Cofvici 63
Coveffe, Tea Or Me 62
Another Tiger Drive Ends In A DUI 60
Team That Didn’t Mention Covfefe 60
Ask Your Doctor If Covfefe Is Right For You 58
It’s Pronounced “cov-féhf” 57
Covfefe Kerfuffle 55
Oxford Dictionary Even Says WTF 51
Baked Beans 50
Tiger Should Have Used His Driver 50
Johnson/Hanks 2020 50
#NotMyCovfefe 47
The Yankees 44
Bruh 38

Just Desserts

November 17, 2015

You can sometimes return a gift that you don’t like. But you really can’t return a half-eaten ice cream cake. The guys at Carvel look at you funny like you’ve just stepped off the surface of Neptune or grown another forehead. And then Cookiepuss ends up getting shoved somewhere uncomfortable and the police get involved and then there’s handcuffing and a struggle and the inevitable perp walk on the local news, then YouTube, then CNN. It’ll all end in tears. TEARS, I tell ya!!! Sigh. Oh what the heck. Okay, Moira, I’ll eat the rest of the damn cake. I don’t want a bloody scene.

People I Hate #781 (In A Series)

August 22, 2014

Who: Cookie Puss.

Why: What the hell’s he supposed to be? It’s like a space alien got nasty with a proboscis monkey. Look at him! He’s just freaky. Big bug eyes and an ice cream cone nose – tasty, sure, but if this frozen bastard doesn’t haunt your soul then you’re made of sterner stuff than I am.

How I justify it: My fifth birthday and long after the Carvel confection had been devoured by a horde of kindergarteners I awake to see his horrible visage staring at me in the darkness. My parents say it was a dream but I know the face of evil when it visits me in the night and this demonic dessert is the only thing that will never melt in the fires of Hell!

Poultry Emotion

January 25, 2014

If you’ve ever been beaten near-senseless with a piñata, a Carvel ice cream cake and an animatronic rat, then I think you’ve approximated an experience I had once at a Chuck E. Cheese’s in Schenectady. Take it from me: Never sass a 200-pound, middle-aged woman in a Helen Henny costume.