Posts Tagged ‘Cards’

People I Hate #78 (In A Series)

June 21, 2016

Who: The douchebag who wears a hoodie while playing in major poker tournaments on basic cable.

Why: He sits there, checking his cards and not making eye contact, hunched over like a petulant teen at a family gathering. He plasters a disaffected frown across his face like it’s body armor. His insolence is palpable and his unsociable demeanor makes you want to smack him.

How I justify it: HE made the decision to play poker on national TV! No one dragged him out of his bed and forced him to do it at gunpoint! So can the attitude, you smug, churlish bastard, and play some Texas Hold ‘Em!

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Mothers Of Invective

May 8, 2016

Okay, think back. Remember when I was six and I cried because I forgot to get you a present for your birthday and you sat me down and told me I never had to get you anything ever because – and I quote – “You are the most precious gift I could ever ask for!”

Well, that’s why you didn’t get a Mother’s Day card today. So get off my back, old woman!