Posts Tagged ‘Candy Bars’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

July 31, 2017

Five Hamster Complaints

Owner never changes the drinking water

Mrs. Quigley’s third grade class always staring

Gridlock in DC makes progressive legislation virtually impossible

Wife ate all the kids

THIS $%&ING WHEEL GOES NOWHERE!!

 

Five Things I’ve Never Had In My Kitchen

Dutch oven

Fennel

Panini press

Cupcake corer

Bob Mould

 

Five Fashion Portmanteaus

Murse (man + purse)

Jeggings (jeans + leggings)

Pewtest (pewter + vest)

Doodie (denim + hoodie)

Crants (crotchless + pants)

 

Five Public Toilet Nuisances

TP doesn’t roll out smoothly

Funky smell

Guy using the baby changing table to iron his slacks

Hand dryer blows

Larry Craig adopting a wide stance in the stall next to you

 

Five X-Rated Candy Bars

Milky Three Way

Toblerbone

Mallo D Cup

Buttfinger

3 Musketeers, 1 Cup

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

September 29, 2015

Five Candy Bars I Miss

Marathon

Butternut

PB Max

Summit

Bar None

 

Five Holidays You’ll Probably Never Get A Card For

Columbus Day

Chinese New Year

Victoria Day

Leif Erikson Day

First Day of Atlantic Hurricane Season

 

Five Foods You May Be Surprised To Hear I’ve Eaten

Habenero stuffed olives

Pork brains

Friskies cat food

Chicken livers

Cookies salvaged from a dumpster behind a bakery

 

Five Pets That Make You A Tool

Tarantula

Ferret

Dog chained up in yard

Poisonous Snake

Any jungle cat in an apartment

 

Five Sentences I’ve Never Spoken (And Never Will)

“Bartender, another Pink Lady, por favor.”

“I will pay you large sums of money to kick me in the nuts.”

“A spastic monkey pantomimes Aquarius shenanigans in Bolivia.”

“President Bush was the best leader our nation could ever ask for.”

“Please put your clothes back on, Sarah Michelle.”