Posts Tagged ‘Breakfast Cereal’

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

August 26, 2019

 

Five Overrated Things

Dancing Competition Shows

Greeting Cards

Uber Eats

Back to School

Soup

 

Five Breakfast Cereal Mascot Fears

Fear of scurvy – Cap’n Crunch

Fear that Snap will kill him in his sleep – Pop

Fear of being institutionalized – Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

Fear of Irish stereotypes – Lucky the Leprechaun

Fear he will be forgotten – Yummy Mummy

 

Five Game Shows In Hell

The Price Is Right Up Your Colon

Name That Festering Mass

Squeal Or No Squeal

To Smell The Toot

Cash Cab

 

Five Rejected Care Bears

Sleazytime Bear

Inoperable Bear

Big Hairy Bear

Exeunt Pursued By Bear

Shhh! Our Little Secret Bear

 

Five Ways The World Would Be Different If Pop-Tarts Were Legal Tender

Kellogg’s would be the new US Mint

Banks would smell awesome

“Crazy Good” replaces “In God We Trust”

Anyone caught with Toaster Strudel would be jailed for counterfeiting

I would be broke because I’d eat my entire savings account

 

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

January 19, 2019

 

Five Bachelor Party Faux Pas

Playing D&D

Getting married to a Keno girl

Drawing genitals on the face of the passed out best man in permanent marker

Bringing, drinking or even mentioning Zima

Burying the hooker you killed out in the desert in a shallow grave that’s sure to be easily discovered

 

Five Bad Make Out Songs

Do They Know It’s Christmas? – Band Aid

Me So Horny – 2 Live Crew

The Curly Shuffle – Jump ‘N the Saddle

Pretty much anything by the Dead Kennedys

Luka – Suzanne Vega

 

Five Signs Your Breakfast Cereal Is Possessed

The instant it’s poured, the milk turns to blood

The ghost on the Boo Berry box is real

Your Alpha-Bits spell out “Prince of Darkness” and “666”

Cap’n Crunch’s head rotates 360 degrees

The perfunctory Snap, Crackle, Pop is followed by a statement of what your mother sucks in hell

 

Five Autocorrects for Dirty Words

Fugue

Peso

Astrolabe

Blue Jar

Cute Lincoln

 

Five Nick Fury Complaints

Lack of depth perception

Life model decoys make my ass look fat

SHIELD helicarrier runs on used cooking oil so clothes always smell like french fries

Howling Commandos won’t accept Facebook friend requests

As cool as Samuel L. Jackson makes me look, I can never live down the fact I was once played by David Hasselhoff

 

Aaaaah, Freak Out!

May 25, 2018

I admit the 1970s were bizarre time and place. For instance, there was a moment when Ralston Purina thought it would be a good idea to create a cereal full of hideous mutant creatures, sort of a Captain Crunch meats Tod Browning’s Freaks. Or maybe a Snap, Crackle & Pop for the Love Canal generation, if you will. Regardless, the Freakies were born and kids around the world became devotees of this ghastly cadre of breakfast beasts. Well, perhaps not around the world – but definitely around my breakfast table. Freakies was my favorite cer-e-eel. Y’know, I think I still have my rubber Snorkeldorf around in a box somewhere. (And, no, that’s not a euphemism.)

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

April 24, 2018

 

Five Royal Baby Name Odds

Winston, 10 to 1

Banger and/or Mash, 25 to 1

Lil Uzi Vert, 13 to 2

Groot, 1 to 1

Outdated Heritable Succession Repressor, 10,000 to 1

 

Five Times You Really Need A Spoon

When you’re eating soup

When you’re eating breakfast cereal

When you’re measuring small amounts for a recipe

When you’re the Tick shouting your battle cry

When you’re an eloping dish in a nursery rhyme

 

Five Cutesy Brew Pub Names

The Twisted Cistern

Brewed Awakening

Pop on Hops

Lager Rhythm

Drag Me To Ale

 

Five Slang Terms for Twins

Double Vision

Thing One & Thing Two

Ditto DNA

Akin Kin

The Devil’s Mirror

 

Five Signs the Kool-Aid Man Is Stalking You

The cherry stains in your driveway

Your new mailman looks exactly like the Kool-Aid Man – but with a giant fake moustache

You can’t get the smell of grape out of your upholstery

In the past six months, you’ve spent 500 grand repairing unexplained holes in your walls

Whenever you and your wife have sex, you hear a muted “Oh yeah” coming from the closet

 

March 7 Trivia Rankings

March 8, 2018

What a great night! Over 100 Quizlings in attendance which means the first prize was doubled courtesy of your friendly neighborhood quizmaster. Huzzah! Let’s keep that up, shall we? The awesome attendance, that is – not the, uh, doubling of the first prize (I have a mortgage to pay, after all).

Meanwhile, please NOMINATE Tomato Jake’s for Best Trivia Night in Durham County at indyweek.com under Out & About (wonderful things will come if we win, QM’s promise!).

This week, we celebrated National Cereal Day, listened to some wild music and engaged in some Seussian tongue twisters with a fox.

Plus there was this Oscar moment…

And now let’s see how the teams stacked up this week.

“Gag Order” Starring Stormy Daniels 63
Free Cookies? 60
Chuck Eats Cheese 60
We All Met On Tinder 59
Chaos 56
Beasts From The East 56
Let The Madness Begin 55
Win For Woody 55
Best Topping: The Shape OF Pepperoni 54
Call Me By Your Trivia Name 53
Grue Crushes Trivia 53
It’s My Birthday And I’ll Trivia If I Want To 48
We’re Against Arming Quizmasters 48
Would It Be Wrong For Me To Drink the Whole Pitcher  Of Beer If My Teammates Don’t Show Up? 47
Matt Damon and the Damons 46
David Dennison All-Stars 43
Stormy Trumps Don 41
King Archer 41
Tomato Jake’s Should Be The Official Pizza of the NFL 40

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

December 4, 2017

Five Failed General Mills Monster Cereals

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Honey

Invisible Man Berries

Zombie Toast Crunch

Godzillalicious

Creature from the Bran Lagoon

 

Five Zebra Fears

LionsHyenas

Stripes make them look fat

Global warming

There’ll be a Racing Stripes II

 

Five Autocorrects for Dirty Words

Batch

Peninsula

Tattle

Vagus nerve

Madden Football

 

Five Regrettable Purchases

The Boogie Bass

Stale Girl Scout Cookies

Bell bottoms

Rental insurance

Ticket for The Emoji Movie

 

Five More Ways To Leave Your Lover

Just stop tryin’, Ryan.

Hit yourself repeatedly with a rake, Blake.

Hide in a closet and be really quiet, Wyatt.

Take off on a stolen Schwinn, Flynn.

Cook her up in a pot and eat her, Peter.

 

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Game Of Thrones Edition)

August 7, 2017

 

Five Lesser Daenerys Targaryen Titles

The Bellicose Blonde

She Who Must Be Obeyed

Westeros’ Top Model

Queen of All Double Dragon Players

Terminator Genisys Apologist

 

Five George R. R. Martin Excuses For Not Writing

Windows 10 keeps crashing

Writer’s block … or brain freeze … er, which one do you get from eating ice cream?

Even I can’t keep all these meshuga characters straight

Trying to research the sex scenes but no one will have sex with me

I just love to make slobbering fanboys wait

 

Five Things Jon Snow Will Never Say

Enough fighting – let’s mamba!

I’m all out of Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific!

That wall looks a little high … and I’ve got a touch of vertigo.

Kiss me, Littlefinger.

Holy crap – I really do know nothing!

 

Five Game of Thrones Breakfast Cereals

Wester-Os

Hodor Puffs

Unsullied Oats

Raven Bran

The Cereal Has No Name

 

Five Things A Dumb Guy Watching GoT Says 

I’m not sure them dragons is real.

If it’s winter why don’t they just put on a sweater?

If my sister looked like Cersei, I’d do her too.

Where the hell’s Gandalf?

I wish “Ballers” was on.

 

MY TEN FAVORITE CEREALS I’VE NEVER EATEN

August 6, 2014

I’ve eaten a lot of breakfast cereals in my life. Sugary sweet corn pops, crunchy bran flakes, fruit-infused smacks and nuggets. There was a time when a day wouldn’t go by that I didn’t cram some graham into my gob. Ah. But for every Freakies and Pink Panther Flakes, there’re dozens of cereals I’ve never savored, yet think of fondly. Here are the Top Ten.

Quake. In the early 70s, kids were treated to a friendly, frenzied competition between a space alien with a propeller on his head and a broad-jawed, caped miner. It was the generation of Quisp vs. Quake, two Quaker cereals that still provoke fierce devotion from former devourers. Me, I was a Quisp kid. (Hey, he was a freakin’ ALIEN! That’s so cool.) I never tried Quake, but I always had a respect for the big lug.

Cocoa Puffs. God, those commercials made me nuts. (more…)

Part Of This Nutritious Query

March 17, 2014

Is Fruit Brute vulnerable to silver? Can Count Chocula be killed by a stake through his heart? Does Frankenberry run in fear from fire? And what’s up with Boo Berry? Is he Peter Lorre’s ghost or what?

Dammit, my breakfast demands answers!