For some reason I have no recollection of my 24th birthday. It’s not like I was drunk and forgot. I just have no memory of it. No celebrations, no parties, no cards, nothing. I think I may have accidentally skipped it. Which would technically make me a year younger, I think. And that’s a plus.
Posts Tagged ‘Birthday’
How pathetic is it to have the Harris Teeter bakery do up a birthday cake for yourself and then have it delivered “anonymously” to you at your office while you’re at lunch? I mean, you know full well that your co-workers will see it and throw an impromptu party for you when you get back. And you can, of course, feign ignorance. “How did you ever find out? I didn’t want a fuss!” The best thing is, since it’s all last minute, they won’t even have time to get you a card so they’ll have a quick whip ‘round and put some cash in an envelope. Sweet! But, um, like I said – just how pathetic is that?
Well. How pathetic is it when you do this but it’s not really your birthday – you just need some spare cash? Um … I’m asking hypothetically, of course.
Went to Baskin Robbins once for my birthday. Only it wasn’t really my birthday. And it wasn’t really a Baskin Robbins. It was a cardboard box in the back yard and I think it was an Arbor Day.
I was an only child. Can you tell?
On my 19th birthday, I ate so much cake I blacked out. When I came to, I was in a bed and breakfast in Connecticut. It was three days later and I was missing a kidney. I still have the scar.
How many languages must I butcher in the name of good trivia? Well, we can cross Español off the list after Wednesday night, Quizlings. Still, major cultural incidents aside, I think it was a fun night of Tomato Jake’s trivia. We’ll do more next week.
Meanwhile, check out all the Top 200 albums of 2015 … and that Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots commercial…
Now, here are the team rankings for the week…
|Fantastic Breasts And Where To Find Them||71|
|We Don’t Bowie Under Pressure||65|
|Steve Harvey Says RIP Mick Jagger||62|
|Iran Releases Hot Seamen||60|
|All Different Directions||58|
|Came All The Way From Boston … For The Pizza||57|
|Better Odds Than Powerball||56|
|If We Win The Billions, We Won’t Be Here Next Week||56|
|I Would Be Afraid Of Spiders From Mars||55|
|Boats & Hos||54|
|Forget The Brownie, We Want A Powerball Ticket||54|
|Team Name Here||54|
|Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars||50|
|Cotton-Headed Ninny Muggins||45|
|Five Females And A Fetus||44|
|Not So Fab Five – Down Like The Dow||43|
|We Don’t Stand A Chance Against These Old People||39|
As I was leaving Rodney Parrish’s 11th birthday party, his mom held out a bowl full of candy. She said, “Take one” and I did, quickly popping the confection in my mouth. She stared at me like I was insane and I thought she was freaking out because I didn’t say “thank you” or something. So I smiled like I was grateful and swallowed the gobstopper. Only it wasn’t a gobstopper, it was one of the party favors she had been offering us kids. Stupid me. I had to be rushed to the emergency room because I had a bleedin’ Wham-O Super Ball stuck in my throat.
The guy behind the counter at the 31 flavors cut his hand while serving up the frozen treats for my 11th birthday party. We thought it was strawberry topping at first but we were quickly proven wrong. Sundae, bloody sundae.
When I was young, my hometown was terrorized by a wild piñata. Every day, it would run into town and cause lots of property damage and kill livestock. Once it dragged a small child away in the night. Eventually we had to call in a group of kids celebrating a birthday. They tracked the piñata to its den, strung it up and beat it to death, spilling its candy guts onto the ground. They cheered and paraded its papier-mâché carcass around town.
Very messy and savage. Very Lord of the Flies.
Socks are the only gift that a teenage boy should receive on his birthday. At least according to the presents my cheap-ass Uncle Gary gave me when I was an adolescent.
Thanks a lot, you old fool. Yeah, I got your thank you note right here.