Posts Tagged ‘Animation’

Gumby, Dammit

June 9, 2018

I was watching Gumby on the Cartoon Network a while back and I saw something that, to be honest, shocked me.

Gumby’s sister needed to take a bath. So she went and got in the tub as she was. See, she didn’t take off her clothes because she wasn’t wearing any. She just hopped right on in.

Which means: she never wears clothes. None of them do. All of the Gumby family walk around totally starkers! Naked! Nude! Just as their stop-motion God molded them, their clay bodies exposed for all the world to see.

Not that Gumby, Pokey or any of their pals are, shall we say, anatomically-correct, shamelessly displaying clay privates with the audacity of a drunken coed on one of those spring break videos. No, these earthen amigos are as smooth and nondescript as a Ken doll, even less so.

But there’s a principle here. Why call attention to the Gumby clan’s nakedness by depicting the sister in a bathtub, even if it was an integral part of the story? Pure prurient interest, if you ask me! Pure lewdness! Pure insatiable lust!

Damn, that Art Clokey was one sick, horny SOB.



May 26, 2017

I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I watch a lot of cartoons (I do, but I don’t wanna give anyone that impression) but I happened to catch an old Popeye cartoon the other night and I gotta say I was impressed.   

It was one of the real old ones, the ones where Popeye mumbled a lot (not to suggest the sailor man’s speech was ever worthy of Henry Higgins’ approval but you know what I mean) and Popeye had found this stray dog, a froufrou little Pekingese or Pomeranian or something. Well, Bluto comes along with his dog, a big ol’ bulldog (because apparently Rottweilers and Dobermans weren’t the tough guy dog o’ choice back when the cartoon was made) and starts to bully Popeye. Likewise Bluto’s dog starts to bully the stray that Popeye has found. 

And when I say “bully,” I mean beat the “ever-loving, living crap out of.” It was freaking amazing! Bluto was punching and slamming and kicking and throwing down like a bloody fast-forwarded episode of Dragonball Z! Damn, it was beautiful! Wam! Bam! Smackdown on your backside, naval boy! 

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating violence nor am I thrilled at the horrendous trouncing Bluto was raining down on our hero. I was just shocked, astounded and generally nonplussed by the extreme sheer physicality of the display. I mean, hey, they talk about how much violence kids today are exposed to but this was, like, 1938 or something and Bluto’s just going to town on a dude half his size. Of course, later on, Popeye eats some spinach (as does the little frilly dog) and returns just as good as he got but that’s beside the point.   

Man, those cats were getting medieval on each other asses! That was some mind-altering assault and battery! 

Damn, I love cartoons!

Space Age Loathe Song

November 6, 2015

I know it’s just a cartoon but I hate George Jetson. HATE him. He’s a space-age tool that the future has made soft, weak and puerile. He lets everyone walk all over him, from his wife and kids to his boss and even his pet! If I were George Jetson, I’d send that misfit Elroy to military school, force that precocious Judy into a convent, kick that golddigger Jane to the curb, dismantle that sassy robot maid Rosie and have that freak Astro neutered! “Walk the dog?” What the hell? The dog can bloody well talk I think he can effin’ walk himself!

Screw you, Astro. You're going to live on a farm upstate!

Screw you, Astro. You’re going to live on a farm upstate!

Voltron Farce

August 10, 2015

Which one of the Voltron guys was the crotch?  Sure, they said they were arms and legs and body and head but somebody had to be the crotch.  Technically, it was the guy in the robot who formed the torso.  I think he was the Commander but if I’d have been on that team I would have just called him Crotch Boy or Señor Taint or something.  I mean, you can’t take a dude seriously if he’s a crotch, can you?