June 13 Trivia Rankings

June 14, 2018

What can I say? Mea culpa, Quizlings! But a little unpredictability keeps one on one’s toes, does it not? I’ll make it up to you next week somehow.

This week, we chatted about fun stuff, like Sir Elton’s hits, NBA sweeps and Tony mischief. Plus there was this For-The-Love-Of-God-Get-It-Out-Of-My-Head! memory…

Now here are this week’s rankings. See you next Wednesday!

IHOB=New Coke 67
Spider-Coon 65
We Brought A Mascot 65
Denuclearizing … Sometime 62
Our Friends Are Not Here 59
The Big Boys 58
I’ll Be A Soccer Fan in 2026 57
A Team Has No Name 56
A Special Place in Hell, Trump Hotel 56
3rd Place 56
No Coach, No Problem. Viva Espana! 56
Trivia Newton John 55
Pancakes Are Way Too Hard For Us, Too 55
We’re Soccer Fans Once Every 4 Years 50
The Graduates 50
The Jolly Llamas 49
Firing Blind 49
Sassy Men 46
To Summit Up: No Nukes (yeah, right) 46
Budweiser? I Hardly Know Her! 44
Peace, Love & Nuclear Arms 42
Harray Caray 41
B Team 38
The Incredibles 34

Gumby, Dammit

June 9, 2018

I was watching Gumby on the Cartoon Network a while back and I saw something that, to be honest, shocked me.

Gumby’s sister needed to take a bath. So she went and got in the tub as she was. See, she didn’t take off her clothes because she wasn’t wearing any. She just hopped right on in.

Which means: she never wears clothes. None of them do. All of the Gumby family walk around totally starkers! Naked! Nude! Just as their stop-motion God molded them, their clay bodies exposed for all the world to see.

Not that Gumby, Pokey or any of their pals are, shall we say, anatomically-correct, shamelessly displaying clay privates with the audacity of a drunken coed on one of those spring break videos. No, these earthen amigos are as smooth and nondescript as a Ken doll, even less so.

But there’s a principle here. Why call attention to the Gumby clan’s nakedness by depicting the sister in a bathtub, even if it was an integral part of the story? Pure prurient interest, if you ask me! Pure lewdness! Pure insatiable lust!

Damn, that Art Clokey was one sick, horny SOB.

June 6 Trivia Rankings

June 7, 2018

What a great night for trivia and what a great bunch of Quizlings! Seriously, thanks to everyone who came out to play. Remember: The Dog Days of Trivia are here – spread the word and bring the pooches out to play.

This week, we did the right thing with Spike Lee (“Yo, Mookie!”), talked with the animals with a good doctor from Puddleby-on-the-Marsh and flipped for a acronymic breakfast chain.  Plus we got or spell on with Scripps …

Now here are the week’s rankings. See you next Wednesday!

The 4th Place Rut 60
Pardon Me! 56
Heat And Humidity Index Points To Ice Cream 55
Professor X’s School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry 55
Melania’s Kidney Lift 53
I’ve Got A Quarter In My Pocket 51
T-Team 50
Monsant-Who? 49
Frogs Wear Open Toad Shoes 49
It’s Our 20th Anniversary! Give Us A Damn Brownie! 49
Say “Yes” To The Stress 49
Chicken Wings Aren’t the Only Tiny Thing In Tomato Jake’s Kitchen 47
Hooters Gotta Hoot 46
Hammermans 44
School’s Out For Haramabe 44
BILFs and Tacos 43
We Demand Ice Cream! 42
I’d Bake Your Cake 39
The Big Boys 39
Come Check Me Out 37
Matt LeBlanc And the LeBlancs 36
Rudy Trivianis 34
J.R. Smith’s Clockreading Academy 34
No Bathing Suit? Do I Still Get A Crown? 34
The Gorls 34
No Capes! 32
My Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem 28

The Giving Spree

June 4, 2018

When I was young, every year I’d get an anonymous gift on June 4.

Sometimes it would arrive by mail with no return address. Sometimes it would be left on the front doorstep, on the back porch or somewhere else I’d be sure to find it. Once, it came via a special courier who was dressed in a gorilla suit.


I never knew who sent these presents and I stopped getting them when I was seventeen. I used to imagine they were sent by my real parents who couldn’t acknowledge my existence because they were royalty or cool superhero adventurers off in a parallel dimension or something.  That still sounds like the most likely explanation.

Hey, prove me wrong.


June 1, 2018


Five Things That Kinda Sound Like “Sparky”



Spark Notes

CPO Sharkey

Twilight Sparkle


Five Rejected Children’s Book Titles

The Very Horny Caterpillar

Oh the Places You’ll Go To The Bathroom

A Winklevoss in Time

Charlotte’s Adult Webcam

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret Thatcher


Five Ways To Make Horse Racing More Interesting

The horses ride the jockeys

Track is shaped like an Escher drawing

Every horse equipped with lasers and bayonets

Only spectators allowed are belligerent monkeys

Loser becomes dinner at nearest homeless shelter


Five Florida Tourist Slogans

It’s not the heat – it’s the stupidity

Where grandmas goes to die and coeds go to get wild

Too hot to panhandle

Come for Disney. Stay for … uh … nope, Disney is pretty much it

Teabagging Cuba since the 16th century


Five Signs You Eat Too Much Pork

You sweat bacon

The ghost of Jimmy Dean appears to you nightly

The pigs picketing in front of your house

Whenever you read The Three Little Pigs to your kid, you salivate like Pavlov’s dogs

Your intestines are like Carnivale for trichina worms

May 30 Trivia Rankings

May 31, 2018

The rain would not stay away but, only slightly dampened, the Quizlings persevered. (You’ll never win, Fishel!) Thanks to everyone who came out to play and we’ll see you next Wednesday for more trivia (and some ice cream treats).

This week we rode an Iron Horse, explored the periodic table of elements and united the workers of the all lands. And there was, of course, this must-sing-along-to hit song…

Now here are the team rankings for the week. Come for the many Ambien references. Stay for Creepy Uncle Jeff.

Ambien Fueled And Still Not Racist 64
Drove 1200 Miles To Be Here 64
Jar Jar: A Star Star Wars Story 64
If Poor Judgement and A Big Mouth Had A Baby… 63
Abhorrent, Repugnant & Inconsistent With Our Trivia 62
We’re Too Tired To Make An Ambien Joke 61
North Korea: Better At Diplomacy than Us? 60
Roseanne Out-Twitters Trump 55
Only Best Buddies Excute Pedophiles Together 55
Blame Our Trivia Score On Ambien 54
MySpace Was A Lot less Racist 54
Who Needs Fronds When You’ve Got Anemones 53
Creepy Uncle Jeff 50
Dead Last 51
The Unkempt Bushes 48
The Big Boys 46
Trivia Wars: A New Hope 45

Remembering Their Sacrifice

May 28, 2018


My grandfather served with the U.S. 1st Infantry Division during the Second World War and fought with C Company in the Battle of Crucifix Hill. When company commander Captain Bobbie E. Brown destroyed three enemy pillboxes, my grandfather was by his side. As the company repelled German counterattacks, my grandfather was mortally wounded. For his bravery, he posthumously received the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor.

Today, I honored my grandfather by saving 50% on a new mattress.

Happy Memorial Day, America!

Aaaaah, Freak Out!

May 25, 2018

I admit the 1970s were bizarre time and place. For instance, there was a moment when Ralston Purina thought it would be a good idea to create a cereal full of hideous mutant creatures, sort of a Captain Crunch meats Tod Browning’s Freaks. Or maybe a Snap, Crackle & Pop for the Love Canal generation, if you will. Regardless, the Freakies were born and kids around the world became devotees of this ghastly cadre of breakfast beasts. Well, perhaps not around the world – but definitely around my breakfast table. Freakies was my favorite cer-e-eel. Y’know, I think I still have my rubber Snorkeldorf around in a box somewhere. (And, no, that’s not a euphemism.)

May 23 Trivia Rankings

May 24, 2018

What a great crowd this week, Quizlings! Some returning faces and some starving students. All are welcome at Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia!

There was talk of Royal Weddings, Triple Crowns and laboratory mice whose genes have been spliced (hint: one is a genius, the other’s insane). And there was this unfortunate athletic depiction:


Now check out this week’s rankings and see how your team stacked up…

Meghan Stole My Wedding Dress 71
Still Fat Drunk & Stupid After 40 Years 68
1990s & Later Pop Music Is Fake Trivia 66
Team Prime 66
See Ya, Ikea 66
Gerry Had  A Good One Last Week 64
Trump Blamed The FBI For The Sinkhole 63
Indyweek’s 2018 Best Trivia Team 60
I DVRed The Royal Wedding So No Spoilers 58
Four Hours Until Retirement 58
Yanny or Laurel? I Hear Covfefe 58
Say Yes To The Stress 57
Team Teamy McTeamFace 54
Super Absorbent Polymers 46
3 College Students Trying To Win Money 44
The Finger Family 44
Ebola Strikes Back 40

Last Chance To Vote!

May 18, 2018


Polls close midnight Sunday so please take a moment to go to indyweek.com and vote for Tomato Jake’s as Best Trivia in Durham County (in the Out & About Section). Tell your friends and family to vote – anyone with an email can do it! Thanks for your help.