Gone And Forgotten

May 2, 2017

I own a lot of stuff. I try not to overdo it and purchase crap I don’t really need or want but over the years I’ve accumulated tons of stuff from comic books to clothes to VHS tapes to Tupperware. Some stuff can be found in boxes and amount to little more than memories (grade school report cards), memorabilia (concert ticket stubs) and mishigas (my junior high retainer). Some stuff is on display (Hello Kitty plush) and in closets (board games) and in drawers (my POGs). And although I don’t read or touch or ponder most of these things on a regular basis I am aware of them, at least distantly. They hold fond memories or are pleasing to the eye or provide comfort or appreciate in value even as they sit unattended in my spare room. But today – tonight – just a few hours ago – I realized there was an item I’d completely forgotten about. Didn’t realize I ever bought it and could have sworn I didn’t own it. Had you asked to borrow it yesterday I would have told you to talk to someone who had one or gave a crap or something. But now… looking through a shoebox of odds and ends from my first apartment, there it was. Damn, I feel bad. 25 years of neglect and ignorance and what I’m sure, if it were a child, would amount to a pretty good case for social services. I know it’s an inanimate object but still … not to have given it a second’s thought since, I’m guessing 1991 … I just feel bad about it. Like when I forgot to feed the goldfish when I was 8 (still feeling bad about that).

So let me issue an apology to my cassette tape of Del Amitri’s 1989 release, Waking Hours, featuring their hit single, Kiss This Thing Goodbye, and my personal favorite, Nothing Ever Happens. You may have escaped my memory for over two decades but I can guarantee you I will not ignore you in the future. In fact, I’ll even listen to you – for the first time since the first Bush administration! Yeah, that’s right. It’ll be as if we never parted and I was still in my 1984 Toyota Tercel and you in my tape deck (not factory installed) as we cruised down the highway on our way to the big city and big dreams. Sign. Big failed dreams.

Oh well. back in the box. Another 25 years won’t kill you.

A Little Night Hooey

April 29, 2017

When my kids were small they’d sometimes call out for a glass of water in the middle of the night. When they did, I’d always yell back, “I don’t wanna come in there – the monsters under your bed will eat me!” That sure kept ’em quiet.

April 26 Trivia Rankings

April 26, 2017

What a lovely night and a lovely crowd of Quizlings (what’s the collective noun for Quizlings – a query?). Thanks to all who came to play. Missing a few regulars though – don’t stay gone too long or your mom and I may turn your room into a home gym.

Topics of convo were the Fast and the Furious, the 1889 World’s Fair and former homes of the Fonz’s favorite team (the A’s). Oh! And did anyone notice we got a new pinball machine?

April26_2017 002

The first team that can email me with the correct subject matter of the previous pinball machine gets to pick next week’s bonus round! Seriously. Go to the Contact Sparky MacMillan page for the address. [NOTE: No one did this. Oh well.]

Now here are the trivia rankings for the week. See you next time!

Scrotey McBoogerballs 67
Butts! Butts! Butts! 64
Teem Naym 64
Longest 100 Days Ever 64
Tax Cuts For Trivia 63
Faith DMZ 61
We Got Tired Of Winning 61
Insert Snarky Sparky Tweet Here 60
Can Ludacris Rap The News Too? 60
My Dog Is Adorable 58
We’re At War With Canda, Eh? 56
Justice For Simon The Rabbit 55
Jack Of Diamonds 54
Over-The-Shoulder Boulder Holders 51
Worse Hair: Kim Jong-Un Or Trump? 47
Scoring More Points Than The Cleveland Browns Through Week 4 46
The Half Backs 40
It’s Going Down But It’s Not Canadian Timber 26

I Loved it. It Was Much Better Than Cats. I’m Going To See It Again And Again.

April 25, 2017

This is … well, it’s a video … and there’s cats … LOTS of cats … and … hell, I’m not really sure. You’ll figure it out. Or not. Just – cats.

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

April 22, 2017

Five Snap, Crackle & Pop Associates

Pow

Wham

Plop

Pffft!

Kazoowie

 

Five Sins of Omission

Not telling the kid he’s adopted

Keeping your opinion to yourself

Letting her think you went to Jared when you didn’t

Not admitting you can’t drive a stick

Letting others blame it on the dog

 

Five Things That Kind of Sound Like Pickles

Pimples

Kellie Pickler

Pixels

Pimp Canes

Pippa

 

Five Questions You Don’t Want To Hear In An Elevator

I wonder what would happen if the cable suddenly snapped?

Will you hold me like there’s no tomorrow?

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?

Phew! What did you have for dinner last night?

Would you like a free hernia check?

 

Five Earth Day Faux Pas

Pamphlet bombing a mall parking lot to promote your event

Showing An Inconvenient Truth at an RNC gathering

Dancing on the grave of Rachel Carson

Having Nickelback perform

Burning “Save the Earth” into an old growth forest so it can be seen from space

April 19 Trivia Rankings

April 19, 2017

A lovely night for trivia, my Quizlings! Thank you to all who came out to play. We maybe learned a wee bit about ICE, Pooh and Swell along the way. And then there was this little ditty…

Now here are this week’s rankings …

O’Reilly’s New Job Is Handing Out Tic Tacs At Mar-A-Lago 69
Killing The O’Reilly Factor 63
We Come For Trivia But We Stay For The Glen 63
Patriots Don’t Usually Choke 62
Hang In There, Aaron 62
The O’Trivia Factor 59
It’s Okay… Mother Pence Knows I’m Here 56 (tie)
Love To See You Walk Away, Bill 56 (tie)
Prison Looking To Fill Opening For New Tight End 56
Out“Fox”ing O’Reilly 53
E Pluribus Anus 51
Harvey Wallbanger’s Fuzzy Navel 51
DFTBA 47
Coors Lit 43

Gentile On My Mind

April 18, 2017

Well, a great holiday has come and gone here in my household! Seriously great. And I’m not just saying that because I get to drink Schnapps again after giving it up for Lent. Nope, here at the MacMillan abode, it’s a non-stop party; especially since due to the nature of our respective upbringings we celebrate a blended holiday we like to call Paas-over (and lemme tell you – in case you’ve never tried – it’s not easy to dye a matzah).

But things are settling down now. The kids, Jake and Maxine, have pretty much finished their charoset bunnies and kosher peeps and Moira has begun work on her special parsley-salt water egg salad, which will be the centerpiece of most lunches for the next few weeks.

And me? My final job before I hit the hay is to see if I can remember where I hid all the gefilte fish we couldn’t find during the hunt yesterday. Give it a few days and the smell should lead me right to it, I guess.

Mazel tov!

The Easter Bunny Hates You

April 16, 2017

This. NEVER. Gets. Old.

Happy Easter!

HBOhm

April 14, 2017

When you work in TV promotions, you are keenly aware of how difficult it is to craft a branding spot that is both entertaining and original. And when it’s done (and done well) you have to applaud. HBO’s latest (“It’s What Connects Us”) does just that with a snarky charm (cue John Oliver) that has to make you smile. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll never forgive the suits at Home Box office for cancelling Hello Ladies but I sure as hell give their marketing department props for this gem.

April 12 Trivia Rankings

April 12, 2017

What a lovely night! The weather cooperated very nicely and let’s hope it continues to oblige. So come back next week, Quizlings, and let’s enjoy the beautiful spring weather.

Meanwhile, what did learn tonight? We learned not every NC county with the name of a president was named after a president … there was life before Game Of Thrones (although few remember it) … and one of the Wright Brothers flew 852 feet on that first (fourth) flight.

Oh and there was this lively character (all you 90s kids can bring him up at your next therapy session)…

Here are this week’s team rankings. How’d you do?

How Many Lowes Would Rob Lowe Rob If Rob Lowe Could Rob Lowes? 66
United Airlines Is A Bloody Drag 65
How Was Your Vacation With Cher? 62
United Airlines – Beat Your Customers, Not The Competition 59
Council Of Ricks 58
Divided Airlines 58
United Airlines – We Put ‘Hospital’ In Hospitality 58
Men’s Wear By Lootcrate 56
Mar-A-Lago Resort And Holocaust Center 55
Enjoy Your “Vacation”, Bill 54
Fly The Friendly Skies 53
House Bill 2: Less Teams In The ACC 53
Game … Blouses 52
Queen Of Hearts 48
Ice Cream or Bust 45