What’s on my mind? What have I been watching? What have I been doing? What have I been talking about? The Hot Ten will bring you up to speed.
DUMBLEDORE IS GAY. Complete misunderstanding. Rowling merely said that the fictional wizard was a homeowner.
PHENOMENON. The only phenomenon here is why anyone still takes Uri Gellar seriously or how Criss Angel hasn’t imploded into a black hole of smug douchebaggery.
THE RON PAUL REVOLUTION. About as much relevance to the American political debate as Dance Dance Revolution.
TV WRITERS’ STRIKE. Among their demands is “more respect.” Because nothing says respect like putting Cavemen or Viva Laughlin on your resume.
IMUS RETURNS TO RADIO. On December 3rd. The season of ho ho ho. (Yeah, I know. Going to hell. Handbasket at the ready.)
TOTINO’S AND JENO’S PIZZA ROLLS RECALLED. “Yeah, dude. Remember that time we were out of hot pockets and we had to eat those pizza rolls? We were like totally baked. Awesome.”
SPICE GIRLS FLY FREE. The gals will get free flights on Virgin Airlines during their upcoming tour. Ah. Um. Please step away from the irony, ladies … slowly, and no one will get hurt.
FEMA PRESS CONFERENCE. Surprisingly, no one suspected questions like “Why are you guys so awesome?” and “Is it true that the sun really does shine out of your ass?” as being planted.
OVER-HYPED BEE MOVIE. Knock knock. “Hi, I’m Jerry Seinfeld. I’m going door to door to let people know that my new animated film, Bee Movie, opens today. Here, have some honey. I made it from ingesting and regurgitating nectar. Did I mention that I’m starring in a new animated film, Bee Movie? Well, gotta run. Do you know if your neighbors are home?”
KUCINICH SAYS HE SAW UFO. Fer crying out loud, he could say he saw a freakin’ Leprechaun riding a tandem bike with Harry Potter in the undersea kingdom of Atlantis; it just doesn’t matter! He’s got as much of a chance in this race as Dewey and everyone knows it!
Sparky MacMillan – his voice is like a white noise machine.