It’s President’s Day. (Or is that Presidents Day? Maybe Presidents’ Day?) That’s why we here at THE FLEHMEN RESPONSE thought it a perfect opportunity to look back and reflect on those men who held the highest office in our land. What should you, as an American citizen, know about them? The important, salient points? The stuff Ken Jennings knows? Easy. Here it is, the four-one-one on the men who wouldn’t be king.
George Washington. First president. Wooden teeth. Chopped down a cherry tree. Once did it with Betsy Ross on an early version of Old Glory.
John Adams. Federalist. First President to occupy the White House. Had a fetish for powdered wigs.
Thomas Jefferson. Wrote the Declaration of Independence. Acquired the Louisiana Territory from Napoleon. Dispatched Lewis and Clark. Came down with Jungle Fever.
James Madison. Started the War of 1812 so that Johnny Horton could have a career in 1959.
James Monroe. Remembered for the Missouri Compromise, which admitted Missouri to the Union as a slave state, pairing it with Maine, a free state, and barring slavery north and west of Missouri forever. Oh, and he was remembered for the Monroe Doctrine, which states – um, never mind, just remember him for the Missouri Compromise. (more…)