Archive for February, 2020

A Cock And Bull Story

February 28, 2020

When I was really, really young, like around 3 or 4 years old, I wanted to be a rooster. People would say, “What do you want be when you grow up?” And I’d say, “A rooster! Cock-a-doodle-do!” Some might think that this was all some great big Freudian mess but it really was nothing more than I liked the sign at the old Colonial Grocery Store near our house. The mascot was a stylized rooster and it was all brightly lit up at night atop the store’s façade. No great mystery. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop Matt Feldspar from using it as the basis for an embarrassing verbal assault all throughout high school when, thinking it might be an endearing personal tidbit, I mistakenly revealed it during a “get to know me” exercise in Sophomore World Civ. It’s not that I’d led a sheltered life, but I’ll be damned if I knew there were that many slang terms for the male anatomy and that each one could be so effectively woven into an eager bully’s repertoire.


Trivia Rankings: 26 February 2020

February 27, 2020

Thanks to all the Quizlings who came out to play. It was loads of fun! Join us again next week, won’t you?

Remember: April 8 is the first week of 7:30pm trivia nights! We’ll move the game up by half an hour starting the second Wednesday in April but we aren’t skimping on the triviawesomeness. Don’t miss a minute!

What happened this week? We discovered truth in engineering, got creeped out by the Bard’s prototypical mom-aunt and we got got generational with a bunch of whippersnappers. Plus there was this retro toy (that’s still being used, I’m told)…

Now check out the team rankings for the week.

The CDC: Causing Dramatic Confusion 63
I’m Giving Up For Lent 62
A Marmalade A Day 62
I Must Ash You A Question 59
Dr. Shook It 58
Ovaltine Jenkins 55
Sugar Rush 53
Thanks A Lot, Bob! 52
Pence’s Katrina 49
Tame Neem 49
Kim Jong-Un’s Hot Dish 41
Feel the Bern Of Coronavirus 40
Hopeful Chicks 23

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (90s Version)

February 25, 2020


Five Giant Sucking Sounds

Grunge music

Saturday Night Live since Mike Myers & Dana Carvey left

That bugg’n Big Mouth Billy Bass

The ending to Alien: Resurrection

Tie: NAFTA / Ross Perot


Five Women I’d Marry Immediately If They Asked

Ginger Spice

Baby Spice

Posh Spice

Scary Spice

Melissa Etheridge (sorry, Mel C)


Five Things I’ll Never Get Tired Of

Music Videos on MTV


Crystal Pepsi

My Geo Metro

The comic genius of Bill Cosby


Five Things That Have Kept Me Awake At Night

Mad Cow Disease



Milli Vanilli scandal

No more Calvin & Hobbes!!!!! (Seriously, Watterson, that’s wack!)


Five Ways My Tamagotchi Died


Dropped it in the garbage disposal

Dog ate it

Natural causes (as far as you know)

Laughing its freakin’ ass off at that knockoff beeotch Giga Pet


Mock Trial

February 21, 2020

I’d like to imagine that at the Roger Stone trial during the verdict – when the judge said You have been found guilty by a jury of your peers – that Stone’s lawyer shouted, “Your honor, this is a travesty! How can you possibly call these twelve citizens a jury of Mr. Stone’s peers when I seriously doubt a single one of them has ever lied to the House Intelligence Committee or obstructed the investigation into Russia’s meddling in the 2016 election?!”

I’m sure it didn’t really happen like that but it could have. I like to imagine it did.


Trivia Rankings: 19 February 2020

February 20, 2020

A light attendance, that’s for sure, but a very close game awaited those brave enough to show up. Missed a lot of regulars and I don’t know what will disappoint me more – to find out you were watching the debate or at the supermarket buying milk and bread in a meteorologist-fueled panic. Nonetheless, fun was had by all (well, most, I think). We’ll do it again in seven, Quizlings.

Quick note: April 8 is the first date for our new start time! 7:30pm is when Wednesday Night Trivia kicks off as of the second week in April. Spread the word and don’t miss a minute of the triviawesomness.

Another quick note: Nominations are open for Best of the Triangle. We would honestly love to be nominated for Best Trivia Night in the Triangle (last category in the Out & About section) at Follow the instructions and thanks in advance for your help.

This week, we visited EPCOT on Jupiter wearing see-through yoga pants. Or something like that, it’s hard to remember. Plus there was this movie classic not called The Man On Lincoln’s Nose

Now check out these close (and high!) scores. Really, this is very impressive.

We’re At Trivia But We Should be Out Getting Milk And Bread 68
Return of the Meatballs 68
White Clawing Our Way To The Top 67
Blagojevich Hunt 65
Fire Rob Manfred 65
Hell Snow, We Won’t Go 64
Lawbreakers 64
Chocolate Cheese 63
School Is CANCELLED 63
Missing Our Hitchcock Scholar 63
Kitty Cat Crew 61
No One Out Pizzas The Glen 48

Misfortune Cookies

February 17, 2020

A word of warning. Never haggle with a girl scout over the cost of Tagalongs. They budge on price as much as Carmax does. Plus they get stroppy when you try to pull the Jedi mind trick on ‘em. “I think these cookies are $2 per box and not $4.” Nope, doesn’t work. And they are much shorter than you are, so when they kick – ouch.

Not saying I got into a scuffle with a gaggle of Brownies outside Target. I’m just saying it wasn’t the best weekend ever.


FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Valentine’s Day Edition)

February 14, 2020


Five Teenage Crushes

Susan Y. from my 7th grade English class

Jennifer Love Hewitt

That Chick from The Fifth Element

Psylocke from the X-Men

The Spice Girls


Five Depressing Valentine’s Days

Time I got sick on expired Russell Stover candy

4th grade and the class exchanged cards and everyone was supposed to get one for everyone else but I gave out 28 and only got back 26

The one where my first wife left me

The one spent in county lockup for buying fake Cartier from that guy in the park

The teenage years (all of them)


Five Bad Nicknames For Your Boyfriend

Mister Softee

Second Choice

Mommy Issues

The Up Elevator



Five Films That Sound Like Bedroom Euphemisms

Feeling Minnesota

Gleaming The Cube

Pushing Tin

Raising Arizona

Romancing The Stone


Five Rarely-Used Sexual Roleplay Characters

Edward Snowden

The GEICO Gecko

Former UN Secretary-General, Ban Ki-moon

The Orkin Man

That chick that comes out of the well in The Ring


Trivia Rankings: 12 February 2020

February 13, 2020

If you missed Wednesday night trivia, you missed a fabulous Lincoln’s birthday game of trivia and a lovely crowd that came to play. Your presence is always appreciated and it is fantastic to see so many familiar faces. Of course, there are always regulars we miss when they go away so please come back soon ‘cuz Sparky has abandonment issues.

This week, we moved with the speed of sound, made the first phone call from the White House and hit the gridiron with a knockoff NFL. Plus there was this video game match up…

Now let’s check out the scores for the week…

Shhh! Don’t Tell Rachel! 65
We Won Iowa 62
Joaquin Phoenix’s Best Movie Is Still SpaceCamp 61
Bound To Finish Better Than UNC 60
I’m Into Fitness – Fitness Pizza Into My Mouth 60
The Gulag Mar-A-Lago 59
The Dukes Regional Of Hazard 59
Epp, Stein, Doddent & Killimself 57
Of All The Trivia Teams I’ve Been On, This Is One of Them 57
Lying, Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers 53
We Drink And We Know Things 52
Glass Half Full 50
My Dog Is My Valentine 50
40 Pizzas In 30 Days 43
For A Brownie, Be My Valentine 42
Lifelong DC Defenders Fans 39


February 7, 2020

On my thirteenth birthday, my cousin Ginny, who was in college, gave me a fake ID. Not so I could buy beer, mind you – so I could see R-rated movies. See, I had wanted to see Body Snatchers pretty damn bad because some kid in my earth science class had seen it and he said there was blood and gore and clones and boobs and all … but of course my dad wouldn’t take me because I wasn’t mature enough. So my best friend Roland Bridger and I went to the Cardinal Theater and I flashed my new ID. They sold me a ticket but wouldn’t let Roland buy one because he was under 17 and didn’t have a fake ID. I tried to convince them he was my son but they didn’t believe me. I tried to sneak him in one of the exits but we got caught by some concessions dude who was taking out the trash and then we got banned for life. The Cardinal closed down shortly thereafter. You know, I have yet to see that stupid remake of Body Snatchers. And I never will, just on principle.

Trivia Rankings: 5 February 2020

February 6, 2020

A damp night out and a small yet competitive crowd of Quizlings inside. That’s the makings for a great game of Wednesday Night Trivia!

Note to anyone not in attendance the last couple of weeks: Due to popular demand, Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night trivia will have a new start time at some point in the future. Date TBD but we want to give it a few weeks to get the word out. 7:30pm will be the new time, allowing folks to get home a half hour earlier. Stay tuned for more information.

This week, we ran the Krispy Kreme Challenge, played some sports of the 2010s and drilled some holes into some very undeserving skulls. Plus there were these pop cover kids…

Now, check out the scores for the week. Another extremely close game folks. Seriously, the Quizlings are good and the winner often comes down to a single question.

Declaring Ourselves The Winners Before Results Are In 67
Mittygate 66
Romney’s Finest Hour 65
Hail To The Chiefs 64
Baby Nut Was My High School Nickname 63
2 Unfit 2 Acquit 62
We’ve Gaht Smaht Pahk 61
Favorite Missouri Song? Carry On Wayward Son or Dust In The Wind 61
For Trivia Trade: Useless Millennial For Wise Boomer 60
Spring Forward To 7:30 60
Going Viral 59
Caucus Interruptus 59
What Do We Know? Do We Know Things? Let’s Find Out 54
Tear-able State Of The Union 46