Archive for July, 2019

Jojo Rabbit, Your Meme Is Calling

July 30, 2019

Ah, this is brilliant. (Anyone not familiar with the Hitler Receives Bad News Meme leave now.) Taiki Waititi, director of Thor: Ragnarok and co-director of What We Do In The Shadows, is directing and starring in the upcoming film Jojo Rabbit. The premise of the film is that a young boy in the Hitler Youth gets help from his imaginary friend, Adolph Hitler. Outrageous? Tasteless? Misguided? Sure, why not? But if you see the trailer you may think the film’s worth a Fandango. Regardless of your feelings about the flick, this little bit of viral marketing that Waititi initially posted on Twitter last week is definitely gander-worthy.

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People I Hate #64 (In A Series)

July 27, 2019

Who: People who get out of the car to use a drive-up ATM.

Why I Hate: There are two types of ATMs – the walk-up and the drive-up kind. The walk-up variety people understand pretty well. You drive to a place near the ATM, park, get out and use the ATM. The drive-up ATM is different as it was designed to be used while you are still in the car. It was named extremely accurately for just that purpose. And before you tell me that sometimes the passenger has to use the ATM and therefore has to get out out of the car to do it – nope not talking about that. Those people are irritating but I do not hate them (although the dbags who back into a drive-up ATM so the passenger can use it from the window can be labelled as People I Hate #64b, easily). No, no no – you know the jerks I’m talking about – they drive up to the ATM, stop a few few short and get out of the car to use a machine designed to keep them from doing that. The ATM could be located in a high traffic area where pedestrian traffic is in the way or it could be simply that by getting out of the vehicle you are breaking the flow of traffic. Does it really matter? They are getting out of the freakin’ car to use a drive-up ATM!!

How I justify it: I can’t run them down without getting charged with manslaughter so pure, unadulterated hatred is a nice back-up plan.

July 24 Trivia Rankings

July 25, 2019

What a lovely night for trivia. No rain, a pleasant 70 degrees. And a fantastic crowd of Quizlings out to play the game. Thanks for being part of the fun! The Dog Days of Trivia continue next week and throughout the summer! Follow me @sparkymacmillan to find out how to get your raffle ticket for the end of summer gift basket drawing.

This week, we talked of bad music, hilarious Twitter feuds and nine-year-old SCOTUS justices. And their was this classic board game…

Now, check out the rankings for the week. We’ll see you next time, Quizlings! (Aloha, Anton!)

Our Answers Are In The Report 65
Mr. Sparky, I Take Your Question 64
Breadsticks, Ranch and a Dream 64
Birthday Yesterday, Last Trivia Today. Bonus Round? 63
We Can’t Answer That 62
Leggo My Emu 61
We’ve Got More Answers Than Bob Mueller 61
In Dog Beers We’ve Only Had One 57
Show Me Your Kitties 57
Mueller? Mueller? 57
The Government Head Is BJ 56
From 99 To 65 Degrees Like It Saw A State Trooper 53
Shiny Flying Squirrels 52
A Drama Queen And Her Subjects 52
Can You Repeat That? 52
New Regime 51
We Beat The Heat 49
11th Time’s The Charm 49
No One Beats Us 265 Weeks In A Row 47
And In 1st Place Is… 46
Screaming Goats 44
Another Week Bites The Dust 44
Get Rafiki With It 42
Inglorious Basterds 36
Thanos Snapped James Cameron 36

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Comic Con Edition)

July 23, 2019

 

Five Sci Fi Heroes I Think Are Kinda Dickish

Han Solo

Gandalf

Klaatu

E.T.

Marty McFly

 

Five Geeky Autographs I’ve Gotten

Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy author

Graham Chapman, Monty Python

Jon Pertwee, Doctor Who #3

Evan Dorkin, creator of Milk & Cheese

Mr. McFeeley, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood

 

Five Rejected My Little Ponies

Cinnamon Bundlesnort

Starfish Tinkleberry

Tammy Fay

Gretchen Fetchen Candyretchen

Mr. Ed

 

Five Super-Hero Maladies

Iron Mania

Eye Strain (Cyclops)

Captain Amnesia

Sore Back (any female drawn by Adam Hughes)

Thor Thumb

 

Five Geek Pickup Lines

I have every episode of Space: 1999 on Laserdisc.

If you think my Doctor Who scarf is long…

Aren’t you a little hot for a Stormtrooper?

If you were a comic book, your condition would be very fine!

I just cast an engorgio spell – in my pants!

 

Over The Moon

July 20, 2019

Fifty years ago, Neil Armstrong took “one giant leap for mankind.” A momentous occasion by anybody’s reckoning. In the intervening years, our species has visited our planet’s satellite merely a handful of times. (Well, handful if you’ve got six fingers, I guess.)

And while everyone is busy celebrating this incredible anniversary, I’m left to scream “Where the hell is my moon city?!” Seriously! Like just about everybody back in the sixties and early seventies thought Apollo was only the beginning. First, the moon, then Mars, then it’s a Star Trek world! With flying cars and space vacations and teleportation!

What the heck happened? I want to be able to go to the airport and say, “One ticket to the moon, please” and have them say, “Do you have your moon visa?” And I’ll say, “Of course!” And they’ll say, ” Have you been inoculated for moon fever?” “Oh, yes, of course.” And then I’ll get on the hover walkway and go to the terminal where the space-stewards will show me to my rocket chair and off to the moon I go! Three … two … one … blast off!!!!

C’mon! They promised! I saw it on The Jetsons and Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space and Ark II and stuff. Come on, people! Get with the program! I want cheap, affordable space travel for all and I want it YESTERDAY!

At least give me my personal jetpack like that guy on In The News had once. I mean – I saw it. On TV.

July 17 Trivia Rankings

July 18, 2019

Thanks to all the loyal Quizlings who came out to play this week. We avoided the wet stuff and had some frozen dairy goodness courtesy of Oliver’s Collar, this week’s ice cream sponsor. The Dog Days of Trivia continue all summer long – bring your pooches out to the patio for treats and raffle tickets!

What’d we chat about this week? Moon stuff, obviously. Plus there was a canine question or two and loads of monkeys and pigs and eagles. Then there was this musical parody…

Now check out the team rankings. We’ll see you next week!

6 Out Of 7 Dwarfs Are Not Happy 65
Hot3 63
Next Stop Area 51 62
Six Friends None the Richer 62
Trump Says Something Incendiary 61
Inoffensive Team Name 60
Apollo 18: The Revenge 59
MAGA: Meth-Addled Gators, AAAhhh!! 58
Rosie Made Us Move Outside 58
Matthew McConaughey Sucks – Prove Me Wrong 58
A Girl Has No Name 54
Night Cheese 52
Meatballs: A Memoir 44
Grab ‘Em By The Pizza 44
No One Beats Us 264 Weeks In A Row 44
Where’s The ice Cream? 39
Do You Think Aliens Like Pizza? 38
Chungus 36
Norfolk En Chance 33
Someone Has To Be Last 28

People I Hate #78 (In A Series)

July 15, 2019

Who: The douchebag who wears a hoodie while playing in major poker tournaments on basic cable.

Why: He sits there, checking his cards and not making eye contact, hunched over like a petulant teen at a family gathering. He plasters a disaffected frown across his face like it’s body armor. His insolence is palpable and his unsociable demeanor makes you want to smack him.

How I justify it: HE made the decision to play poker on national TV! No one dragged him out of his bed and forced him to do it at gunpoint! So can the attitude, you smug, churlish bastard, and play some Texas Hold ‘Em!

Tales From My Screwed-Up Childhood #89

July 13, 2019

All my uncle Todd ever gave me for my birthday was a case of ringworm. Granted, this is pretty reprehensible behavior from a relative so I felt much relived when, years later, I was told that I didn’t have an Uncle Todd and the guy who would occasionally take me on “outings” was some drifter my dad had once nearly run over in his Maverick. In retrospect, I guess I should consider myself damn lucky the most he ever gave me was a fungal infection.

July 10 Trivia Rankings

July 11, 2019

Huzzah! Another fantastic week of trivia, my Quizlings! What an exceptional turn out for a hot summer night. Many thanks to our sponsor this week, the Cat Hospital of Durham & Chapel Hill. Check them out for all your feline veterinary needs.

The trivia was extensive and we have a very close game – one with a near perfect score. Yep, I snuck in more than a few kitty cat questions and we got our sword and sorcery on for the bonus round. Hence the superfluous Stephen Lynch right here…

Be back next week for more triviawesomness as the Dog Days of Trivia continue! And just to prove I do not make this stuff up, here’s a promo for the CW’s Hellcats (seriously, why weren’t more people watching this?)…

Now check out the rankings for this week’s game. How’d your team do?

R.I.P. Rip 71
The Mind Flayer Did Nothing Wrong 69
DI 68
Thomas Jefferson Airplane 67
Sparky Was Secretly Replaced By A Skrull 67
We’re Between Names 66
So Long, Violet Beauregarde 65
Golden Boots Trumps Orange Butt 65
Aggressively Passive Aggressive 63
Woodstock 50 Denied Due To Legal Hippie Lettuce 62
Free Golf Clubs – Ask For Galen 61
Screaming Ferns 59
We Knead Pizza 58
Dusty-Bun To Susie-Poo 58
Children of Neurotic Parents 56
Stray Cats 53
No One Beats Us 262 Weeks In A Row 52
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy 50
Kevin Malone Spilled Chili 50
Lexi’s Last Trivia 49
Cody’s Final Trivia 49
The Baby Came Before The Wedding 48
Team Six 47
James’ Fan Club 46
Where’s Tom? 46  (tie)
Team Goku 46 ( tie)
Southwesterners 44
Randall’s Fitness Center 43
Aw, Beans 42
SLAC 37
Just Here For The Pizza 32
Baby Sharks 32

Frankly Speaking

July 5, 2019

This is a picture of The World’s Greatest Athlete!

His name is Joey “Jaws” Chestnut and he ate a record-breaking 71 hot dogs in 10 minutes at the 2019 Nathan’s Famous 4th of July hot dog eating contest, nearly breaking the world record which he previously set.

Excess. Competition. Skill. Speed. Experience. All of these add up to a man who is the epitome of the All-American champion. So he only ate some wieners, you say? That doesna make him an athlete, by any means. How dare you, I counter. If curling and badminton can be Olympic events, then competitive eating can be a sport!

Plus – Chestnut won for the fourth year in a row, his twelfth overall. And he’s won nearly every year since he sent gastronomic go-getter and six-time previous champ, Takeru Kobayashi, packing like the scared little masticating mockery he was!

Ruth, Ali, Jordan, Gretsky, Chesnut. Names that will be remembered for centuries to come. The greatest? You know it, dude!