Med Men

When I was in my early 20s I went to a doctor who wasn’t a pediatrician for the first time. During the physical, he gave me the full once over and asked me the type of questions I’d never been on the receiving end of before. At one point he asked if I was “regular” but I didn’t know what that meant. I’d heard the term before but not in context. I thought he was asking me if I was gay or straight. This kind of bothered me since I felt that was crossing a line and not particularly relevant to my health. Still, I told him reluctantly that I thought I was “regular enough.” He then followed with, “How often would you say?” I was, of course, really thrown by this one but returned with a tentative, “Maybe once every few months, if I’m lucky.” The doctor looked at me, shocked, and then wrote me a prescription for the biggest industrial-strength laxative I’d wager any human ever ingested. It basically turned my digestive tract into a sluice. I lost nearly 20 pounds before we realized what the miscommunication had been.

Learned my lesson though: always lie to you physician.

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