Tales From My Screwed-Up Childhood #24

For some reason, I recall my 12th birthday party. It was a sleepover. We watched scary B movies on TV, ate food picked up from the nearby Pizza Inn, played a lame “truth or dare” (an innocent, pre-pubescent kind wherein the dares were along the lines of “spray a Waterpik® up your nose”) and threw rocks into the swimming pool of my apartment complex. We also did one of those horribly stupid acts, the type that can only be committed by junior high school boys.

When the first of us fell asleep, the rest of us placed a half-eaten lime popsicle in his exposed butt crack. It melted, of course, so that, come morning, this kid had a sticky green fruity residue up his rear. I forget the guy’s name but I have always felt really, really sorry about this. So if this ever happened to you – or to anyone you know – please accept my sincere apologies. I’d claim mob mentality but, truth is, I thought it was kind of funny at the time.

I still do, a little … but that doesn’t mean I can’t have qualms, as well. Right?

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