Archive for October, 2018

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Halloween Edition)

October 30, 2018

 

Five Ways To Make Trick or Treaters Love You

Let kids grab as much candy as they want

Give out full sized candy bars

Cover house with Halloween decorations & play scary music

Give out eggs and directions to your enemies’ houses

Have hot mom in low-cut costume bend over when handing out candy

 

Five Costume Mash-up Ideas

Jennifer Lawrence of Arabia

Grumpy Cat in the Hat

Iron Manilow

Smokey Bear Grylls

Jay Cutler and Silent Bob Costas

 

Five Unfortunate Halloween Activities

Making mummy costumes out of toilet paper

Refilling the carved pumpkins

Having kids trade in their candy for hugs from a stranger

Bobbing for retainers

Eating Count Chocula alone in the dark and crying

 

Five Bad Halloween Experiences

Rain, couldn’t go trick or treating – 6th grade

Bullies stole my candy – 2nd grade

Egged ex’s house & got caught by her drill sergeant dad – senior year

Sliced finger off carving pumpkin – 9th grade

Neighborhood kids mocked my Hello Kitty costume – last year

 

Five Bad Ideas For Horror Movies

Jason Vorhees opens B&B with life partner Chad

Angsty teen vampires

…and on the door was a bloody hoop!

The zombies are a metaphor for … ah, really, who gives a crap?

Young girl possessed by Santana

 

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But I Egress

October 27, 2018

They say that when God closes a door he opens a window. Why not? God needs to air the place out every once in a while. Or perhaps God just likes a little cool night air while he sleeps. Don’t judge! As far as the door thing goes, of course he closed it; God ain’t paying to heat the whole neighborhood, y’know?

October 24 Trivia Rankings

October 25, 2018

A grand night of trivia once again and many thanks to all the Quizlings who made it out to play. Please make plans to attend next week’s Halloween Triviaganza. We’ll have candy and trivia and costume contests and some spooky surprises. Bring your friends and prepare for a few tricks with those treats.

This week, it was all about freaky mollusks, dead presidents and video rentals. Plus in honor of October being Adopt a Shelter Dog Month there was a presentable pooch named Ginger …

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Now check out the team rankings for the week. How’d you do?

Every Pizza Can Be Shared But Why? 67
Vote The $#!&heads Out 66
Our Team Is The Bomb 65
Quizlings Of The Round Table 62
The LEGO Taj Mahal is 5,935 Pieces 61
Sweet Vapor Jane 59
Murphy’s Optimist 58
Meghan Kelly Is The Jazz Singer 58
Did You Hear About The Lightbulb Party? It Was Lit 54
Zombie Apocalypse Caravan 53
Matt’s Quarter Life Crisis 51
Standing Room Only 50
Spooky Trivia Hell Team 49
Glen Won’t Let Us Come In His Back Door Anymore 49
Our Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem 47
Witches Be Crazy 44
Overeducated & Underperforming 39

Smashing Pumpkin

October 22, 2018

It’s the spooky season so let’s boogie down with everyone’s favorite dancing pumpkinhead! Check out his moves, his jack-o-lantern visage, his form-fitting bodysuit. Halloween is just days away but this groovy squash-noggined gent will have you shakin’ your booty on into the New Year!

They Say It’s Your Birthday!

October 21, 2018

Looking for nice tunes for your celebratory shindig? Cool beans. Just take it from me. Don’t blast Birthday Bitches by the Insane Clown Posse at Nana’s 75th soiree. It doesn’t go over well, trust me – and it’s damn hard to explain to the paramedics why Nana has that inexplicable rictus.

October 17 Trivia Rankings

October 18, 2018

Some new faces couldn’t stop the regulars from playing musical chairs with the Top 3. We’ll do it again next week, Quizlings. And don’t miss our Halloween Triviaganza on the 31st, complete with costume contests and candy and trivia and candy and, well, more candy!

This week, we chatted about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Royal Weddings and computer intelligence. Plus there was this turn-of-the-century callback:

Now let’s see how all the teams ranked this week….

Every Pizza Is A Personal Pizza If You Try Hard Enough 69
Trumpy, The New Lyers Mascot 68
Sexy Little Love Wolves 67
The Toronto Marijuana Leafs 66
Losers Until Proven Winners 64
One-Eyed, One- Horned Flying Purple Pizza Eater 62
Bring It On, Tiny! 56
The Fiance’s Away – Time to Play 53
The Out Of Towners 52
Happy 81st Birthday, Jim 52
Every Ball’s A Dodgeball When You Are Trying To Peg Someone 51
Horseface Daniels 49
Boilers 42

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

October 15, 2018

 

Five Vehicle-Related Songs

Cars – Gary Numan

The Key to Her Ferrari – Thomas Dolby

Hot Rod Lincoln – Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen

Ol’ 55 – The Eagles 

Chevy Van – Sammy John

 

Five Potato Weapons

Potato Gun

Brass Russet

Yam-a-pult

Nuclear Murphy

Switchspud

 

Five Really Great Hiding Places for Hide ‘N’ Go Seek

In the laundry hamper

Outside (even though the rules expressly forbid it)

Duct taped to bathroom ceiling

Directly behind the Seeker

Narnia (accessible through wardobe only)

 

Five Fictional Crushes

Daphne from Scooby Doo

Anne of Green Gables

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

St. Pauli Girl

She-Hulk (Sensational, not Savage)

 

Five Forgotten Folk Heroes

Soapy Jim, Cleanest Rascal West of the Pecos

Sweet Sally Shortbread, Grateful Dead Groupie

Manicured Mel, Gunslingin’ Dandy

Johnny Applebee’s

Carl Birnbaum, Paul Bunyan’s Accountant

 

Product Placement … In … Spaaace!

October 12, 2018

And here I thought the only awesome Tang in space was the kind consumed by astronauts…

October 10th Trivia Rankings

October 11, 2018

Another light turnout, Quizlings. Not that I’m taking it personally or anything but let’s fill those seats, okay. Get your friends, co-workers, neighbors and relatives out to play as we groove on into our tenth year!

Note: Halloween Triviaganza is still on! Prizes for our favorite costumes (including that Golden Ticket) so dress up for a night of treats only (no tricks) this October 31st!

This week, we talked politics with Tay Tay, stood on the Four Corners and chowed down on some spinach courtesy of our pals in Asia. Plus there were these two songs – yet one title:

We’ll do it again next week, folks. Now, let’s see how the teams stacked up…

Flo Lowered My Expectations For Michael 67
Good Thing We Hung On To All That Bread and Milk From Florence 64
Brett Kavanaugh Blows Harder Than Hurricane Michael 64
Michael Meet Florence 61
Michael, Just Beat It 60
Something Topical: Aloe Vera 58
Don’t Take Me Down To Panama City 57
Michael, Row Your Boat Ashore 54
Homegirl, Drop It Like The NASDAQ 53
Not Enough Estrogen 52
It’s Just My Face 51
RBG’s Got Herself A Toy Boy 50

Trick Cur Treat

October 9, 2018

I’ve seen a lot of people dressing their dogs up in costumes lately. A Halloween thing, don’tcha know. Usually these nunderchucks wait until Christmas to adorn their cards with snaps of Fido wearing antlers and Ruff in a Santa suit, but now it seems hip to stress out puppy with a pumpkin parka or a skeleton hoodie.

Yeah, alright. Go ahead. Keep it up. Embarrass your canine. Make a mug of your mutt. Push poochie past the breaking point.

You may think it’s cute and all to have man’s best friend decked out in festive, seasonal garb but we’ll see who’s laughing when Cujo’s treating your jugular like a Milkbone.

“I will take my humiliation out of your flesh in bloody chunks.”