Archive for September, 2018

FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Autumn Edition)

September 28, 2018


Five Other Things Christopher Columbus Discovered



Himself at age 13


After five weeks on a cramped ship, 40 men begin to smell a bit gamey


Five Sounds Of Fall

Turkey shoots

Haunted houses

Football games

Punkin chunkin’

Leaves screaming as they die


Five Lesser Known General Mills Monster Cereals

Gargoyle Grape

Vanilla Yeti

Devils Food Demon


Krispy Kraken


Five Homecoming Dance Faux Pas

Spiking the punch

Mouthing off at a chaperone

Stepping on your date’s toes

Making fun of the poor girls’ dresses

Attending now even though you graduated in the 90s


Five Signs Your Halloween Costume Sucks

All the other kids laugh at you

You got it on sale at the Dollar Tree

You ran out of toilet paper for your mummy after wrapping only your shin

Everyone gives you extra candy because they feel sorry for you

My mom made it


September 26 Trivia Rankings

September 27, 2018

9 years!!!!! Thanks for celebrating with us. There were lithographs and gift bags and alien face huggers and kitty mugs … plus the usual candy and trivia and fun. As we head into year ten, we’ll keep doing it every Wednesday until we can’t do it any more – nope, just kidding, I ain’t never stopping. They’ll pry these trivia questions from my cold, dead hands.

Here are the team rankings for the week. We’ll see you next time, Quizlings!

The News Is Terrible. Our Team Name Is “Puppies” 66
Hey, Cos, Better Hide Your Jello Pudding Pop! 64
Brettxit 63
Insta-Gone 63
The Most Accomplished Team In the History of Trivia 63
UN Comedy Club 62
RBG Is Supremely Concerned 60
Trump’s UN Comedy Writers 59
No, I Won’t Sign Your Yearbook 58
Tacos! 56
Kavanaughtys 56
Grab ‘Em By The Pizza 54
DOA 49
Kava-No Means No 45
Nick’s Bomb Squad 32

Aces High!

September 21, 2018

I have a confession to make. I know it’s wrong. I know I should probably be ashamed for doing it. I know that my friends will more than likely not support me when they find out.

But I can’t help myself. I just enjoy it far too much. And, yeah, I’ll admit that I don’t care whether it’s looked down upon, whether people admonish me or whether anyone will ever truly understand. So there. It’s what I am, part of me, that which makes me who I truly am.

So, I’ll say it. Own up.


I like Ace of Base.


Call it innocuous Euro pop. Call them a cut-rate ABBA. Call me a silly prole who wouldn’t know good music from a hole in the head. Go on, I’ve heard it all before. Doesn’t matter. I love the Swedish pop foursome, their jumpy triple bass sound, their chart-friendly combination of pop and reggae. From The Sign to Don’t Turn Around, I just cannot get enough of Jenny, Malin, Jonas and Ulf. When I hear their songs on the radio, on TV, wherever, I dance, I sing, I jive and get down in a manner unparalleled with any other pop supergroup. Taylor Swift doesn’t do it for me, not like that. One Direction leave me cold in comparison. Not even my obsession with Girls’ Generation and O-Town measures in pure intensity to my longing for Ace of Base.

Oh, sure, the band’s continued inability to negotiate English-language lyrics with anything approaching subtlety is notorious and, outside of Cruel Summer, 1998′s Flowers was a disappointingly bland affair, not to mention their stateside popularity may be solely attributed to the heavy PR push of both distributor Arista and then pop-video record company lackey MTV, but, hey, their transatlantic chart success speaks for itself, as do multi-platinum albums.

So, scoff if you will. Mock if you must. I stand firm. I stand tall. I stand by my Tech Noir foursome.

Ace of Base, you rock!!

Well, maybe “rock” is too strong of a term.

Erm, Ace of Base, you promote generally healthy pop attitudes with your wholesome club-happy hits!

Uh … man. Do you think there’s a twelve-step program for this type of ridiculous addiction?

September 19 Trivia Rankings

September 20, 2018

What a lovely night for trivia. Thanks to one and all who came out to play. A light turnout, to be sure, but I’m happy to see all Quizlings  under any circumstances.

Next week is our 9th anniversary and the end to the Dog Days of Trivia. We’ll raffle off that gift basket (may be more of a gift bag, we’ll see), have some 9th anniversary fun  and generally engage in the usual triviawesomess. Tell your friends! BRING your friends! Let’s blow out this sucker in style!

This week, we grabbed a ride on SpaceX, read some Highlights and tasted Notorious whiskey. Plus there was this commercial featuring two then-future Oscar winners…

And if you haven’t been hip to the meme, check out the origin of “Sluggo is lit” in a recent Nancy comic:


Now here are the team rankings. See you next Wednesday!

Retiring After Round 3 69
Flamingoes Don’t Give A Flock 65
Donald Says We Can Testify 65
Mario Cart Is Trending You Don’t Wanna Know Why 63
Hurricanes Make Us Tremendously Wet 59
Heavy Flo 59
We’re Back, Baby! 55
Aloe Vera 54
Show Me Your Kitties 54
Tremendously Big and Tremendously Wet 53
Airheads 51
If You Steal A Tesla Is It Called An Edison 51

People I Hate #189 (In A Series)

September 17, 2018

Who: The teacher who punishes the whole class for the actions of one kid.

Why: It’s nothing more than a power trip enacted by an impotent overlord attempting to mask insufficient training due to a system lacking in true checks and balances and ceding actual justice to the crudest form of reactionary sanction and emotional retribution.

How I justify it: Mrs. Canterbury’s fourth grade class when Simon Spencer threw a paper airplane at the blackboard when old Mrs. Canterbury’s back was turned and she called us a bunch of “spoiled, snot-nosed brats” and said she was “counting the days until retirement” and then made us all stay after school and bang erasers together even though pretty much everyone eagerly turned jail yard snitch and pointed out Simon as the culprit because he was a jerk at recess and we couldn’t stand him. Y’know I read in the newspaper a few years back that Mrs. Canterbury died and I had to actively fight the urge to drive to the cemetery where she was buried and dance on her bloody grave. I’m not proud of that but I think most people would understand.

Sophie B. Good

September 14, 2018

You know, I been meaning to tell you something.

See, I’ve noticed that old dog has chained you up all right. Basically, given you everything you need to live inside a twisted cage and to sleep beside an empty rage. And the other night, I even had a dream I was your hero.

In fact, forgive me for being blunt but, damn, I wish I was your lover.  I’ll rock you till the daylight comes and make sure you are so smiling and warm. I am everything. Tonight I’ll even be your mother (if you’re into role playing). I will do such things to ease your pain. I will free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed.

Shucks, for me there is no other. You’re the only shoe that fits and I can’t imagine I’ll grow out of it.

To sum it all up one more time:

Damn! I wish I was your lover!

Just sayin’ is all.

September 12 Trivia Rankings

September 13, 2018

If you weren’t there because you were hunkered down somewhere because of Flo then you missed a fun night of trivia. Remember always that Tomato Jake’s goes on, rain or shine (barring major holiday or snowstorm, of course). To the hearty few who ventured out: Thank you, Quizlings! You make my heart sing – wait … no, sorry, that’s Wild Thing. You, Quizlings, make me proud to be a Quizmaster!

The Dog Days of Trivia continue. We’ll draw for that gift basket on September 26. You must be present to win but that is two more weeks to bring your pooch to the patio and get a raffle ticket. It’s also our 9th Anniversary so let’s celebrate that as well.

This week, we talked about weird shapes on other planets, baseball legends who can’t be killed and everyone’s favorite cinematic couple. Plus there was this musical blast from the past…

Now check out this week’s team rankings. And be there next Wednesday for more Tomato Jake’s trivia featuring yours truly, Sparky Mac!

Show Me Your Kitties 66
Aunt Flo Can’t Be Stopped This Time 65
We Are Anomenusssss 63
RIP Buddy 61
Fast As Flo Jo 58
Go For Last Place 54
Premature Evacuation 52
The Storm Never Bothered Me Anyway 51
And The Stanley Cup Goes To The Carolina Hurricanes 46
Montclair Mavens 45
Fear And Loathing In The White House 45
Flo No Mo 42

Somebody Save Me

September 10, 2018

Supposedly, as it was told, Superman was born on February 29th. At least that was the pat response that DC Comics and staff would give when queried as to the date of the Man of Steel’s birth either by mail or at comic book conventions or cocktail parties. Me, I always found that explanation to be a bit glib. Born on leap day? As if that explained the comic book contrivance of aging at a slower rate than the readership. If so, what about Batman? Or Wonder Woman? Or Julius Schwartz? And was the 29th supposed to be the day he was born on Krypton or the date he arrived on Earth and was adopted by the Kents? The apathetic answer, designed to quiet fanboys, disturbed me greatly as a young collector. But, to be honest, what really disturbs me the most about this whole Superman’s birthday commotion was how much time I spent obsessing over that particular piece of four-color minutiae when I was a teenager!

Yep, I didn’t date much in high school.


Blogs: A Quick Tutorial

September 8, 2018

The first blog was brought over from Europe in 1860. It was caught in the wild and transported via steamer to New York City where it was put on display for throngs of curiosity-seekers. After decades of captivity, it broke free during a citywide power failure and later bred with feral fanzines. The modern-day blogs are all the progeny of this original European escapee.

September 5 Trivia Rankings

September 6, 2018

A lovely Wednesday night for trivia. Some new faces, to be sure – but missing some familiar ones. I know September is a month of transition but come back to play with us, Quizlings! You are definitely missed.

For those who were there, it was all about presidential doughnuts, mathematical constants, snack food football and Cheers PSAs. Plus there was this I’ve-never-heard-of-that! cinematic moment:

Now let’s see how your team did this week.

All You Can Eat Every Sunday 71
Kavanooooooooo! 68
1st Grade Is More Like It 67
Pepperoni On National Cheese Pizza Day: Treason? 66
Pip Pip Hooray! 64
The Trivial 7 64
Bishop To Queen Boob Two – Checkmate 58
I Can’t Believe I’m Not Buddha 58
Show Me Your Kitties 52
Team 14 51
The Op-Ed Is Coming From Inside The White House 50
I Got Nothin’ 50
Ruth Bader Winsburg 48
Slice Slice Baby 47