FIVE RANDOM FIVE (All Cereal Edition)

 

Five Failed General Mills Monster Cereals

Cthuloops

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Honey

Zombie Toast Crunch

Chupacabran

Invisible Man Berries

 

Five Snap, Crackle & Pop Associates

Pow

Wham

Plop

Pffft!

Kazoowie

 

Five Rejected Breakfast Cereals

Froot Poops

Marion Boo Berry

Grope-Nuts

Licky Charms

Fruit ‘n Favre

 

Five Signs Your Breakfast Cereal Is Possessed

The instant it’s poured, the milk turns to blood

The ghost on the Boo Berry box is real

Your Alpha-Bits spell out “Prince of Darkness” and “666”

Cap’n Crunch’s head rotates 360 degrees

The perfunctory Snap, Crackle, Pop is followed by a statement of what your mother sucks in hell

 

Five Cereal Mascot Crimes

Toucan Sam – Cocaine possession

The Trix Rabbit – Child endangerment

Alfie, Carlyle, Dave, Brunhilde and Seadog (S. S. Guppy Crew) – Mutiny

Count Chocula – Indecent Exposure

Tony the Tiger – Grrrrrrrrand Theft Auto

 

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