Archive for May, 2018

May 30 Trivia Rankings

May 31, 2018

The rain would not stay away but, only slightly dampened, the Quizlings persevered. (You’ll never win, Fishel!) Thanks to everyone who came out to play and we’ll see you next Wednesday for more trivia (and some ice cream treats).

This week we rode an Iron Horse, explored the periodic table of elements and united the workers of the all lands. And there was, of course, this must-sing-along-to hit song…

Now here are the team rankings for the week. Come for the many Ambien references. Stay for Creepy Uncle Jeff.

Ambien Fueled And Still Not Racist 64
Drove 1200 Miles To Be Here 64
Jar Jar: A Star Star Wars Story 64
If Poor Judgement and A Big Mouth Had A Baby… 63
Abhorrent, Repugnant & Inconsistent With Our Trivia 62
We’re Too Tired To Make An Ambien Joke 61
North Korea: Better At Diplomacy than Us? 60
Roseanne Out-Twitters Trump 55
Only Best Buddies Excute Pedophiles Together 55
Blame Our Trivia Score On Ambien 54
MySpace Was A Lot less Racist 54
Who Needs Fronds When You’ve Got Anemones 53
Creepy Uncle Jeff 50
Dead Last 51
The Unkempt Bushes 48
The Big Boys 46
Trivia Wars: A New Hope 45

Remembering Their Sacrifice

May 28, 2018


My grandfather served with the U.S. 1st Infantry Division during the Second World War and fought with C Company in the Battle of Crucifix Hill. When company commander Captain Bobbie E. Brown destroyed three enemy pillboxes, my grandfather was by his side. As the company repelled German counterattacks, my grandfather was mortally wounded. For his bravery, he posthumously received the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor.

Today, I honored my grandfather by saving 50% on a new mattress.

Happy Memorial Day, America!

Aaaaah, Freak Out!

May 25, 2018

I admit the 1970s were bizarre time and place. For instance, there was a moment when Ralston Purina thought it would be a good idea to create a cereal full of hideous mutant creatures, sort of a Captain Crunch meats Tod Browning’s Freaks. Or maybe a Snap, Crackle & Pop for the Love Canal generation, if you will. Regardless, the Freakies were born and kids around the world became devotees of this ghastly cadre of breakfast beasts. Well, perhaps not around the world – but definitely around my breakfast table. Freakies was my favorite cer-e-eel. Y’know, I think I still have my rubber Snorkeldorf around in a box somewhere. (And, no, that’s not a euphemism.)

May 23 Trivia Rankings

May 24, 2018

What a great crowd this week, Quizlings! Some returning faces and some starving students. All are welcome at Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia!

There was talk of Royal Weddings, Triple Crowns and laboratory mice whose genes have been spliced (hint: one is a genius, the other’s insane). And there was this unfortunate athletic depiction:


Now check out this week’s rankings and see how your team stacked up…

Meghan Stole My Wedding Dress 71
Still Fat Drunk & Stupid After 40 Years 68
1990s & Later Pop Music Is Fake Trivia 66
Team Prime 66
See Ya, Ikea 66
Gerry Had  A Good One Last Week 64
Trump Blamed The FBI For The Sinkhole 63
Indyweek’s 2018 Best Trivia Team 60
I DVRed The Royal Wedding So No Spoilers 58
Four Hours Until Retirement 58
Yanny or Laurel? I Hear Covfefe 58
Say Yes To The Stress 57
Team Teamy McTeamFace 54
Super Absorbent Polymers 46
3 College Students Trying To Win Money 44
The Finger Family 44
Ebola Strikes Back 40

Last Chance To Vote!

May 18, 2018


Polls close midnight Sunday so please take a moment to go to and vote for Tomato Jake’s as Best Trivia in Durham County (in the Out & About Section). Tell your friends and family to vote – anyone with an email can do it! Thanks for your help.

Tales From My Screwed-Up Childhood #16

May 18, 2018

What’s worse than having your parents force you to go to a birthday party you don’t want to attend? Having someone else’s parents force you to go to a birthday party you don’t want to attend.

In middle school, my best friend’s little brother was having a birthday party. I got a perfunctory invite but didn’t plan on attending due to A) the somewhat annoying nature of the birthday boy, B) the fact that I wasn’t friends with the kid, and C) the realization that I’d rather spork my own eyes out than spend five minutes with the corduroy pillow-humping creep (sadly, a description I did not just make up). Unfortunately, my best friend’s mom, under the mistaken impression that my friendship with her elder son had stifled her youngest’s ability to maintain friends of his own (see C above and you’ll know why that wasn’t true), told me that I could not have my best friend at my upcoming birthday bash unless I attended the party of his younger brother.

Luckily, my best friend got sick the day of the party and his mother consented to allow me to leave the gathering early in order to keep him company. Sigh. Heart of a saint she had. (She kept it in an urn on the mantel.)

May 16 Trivia Rankings

May 17, 2018

I’m not Eddie Rabbitt and I don’t love a rainy night but I do love all the Quizlings who brave t-storms to come out and play trivia with us. Please – if you haven’t already done so – take a moment to vote at in the Best of the Triangle. We’re a finalist for Best Trivia Night in Durham County. Honestly, every vote is appreciated. Polls close May 21.

This week we took a midnight ride with Paul Revere, said goodbye to a Kidder and a Wolfe and discovered why Stacy’s Mom has got it going on. Plus, there was this Taylor Swift precursor…

Now here are this week’s rankings. See you next Wednesday!

I Paid For Play And All I Got Was This Lousy Indictment 71
Tomorrow’s My Birthday. I Like Cookies. wink wink 71
The Most Thunderful Time Of the Year 64
Laurel 64
I Can’t Take You To Dialysis, I’ve Got A Country To Ruin 64
Tim’s Tiny Tris 63
Tauntauns Are Luke Warm 61
When Harry Met Meghan 60
Hour Teecher Teeme Members R N Raley! 59
Why Pay Teachers When You Can Pay Porn Stars 58
#RedForEd 58
Royal Family Matters 56
No Name No Shame 54
Glen, Do You Have Any Other Necrophilia Jokes? 54
Protest To Drink And Drink To Protest 48 (tie)
Yanny 48 (tie)

I’m On A Boat

May 11, 2018

Okay, yes, this is ridiculously juvenile – only for folks with senses of humor at about a 7th-grade level (most guys, really). But check out this old Johnson Outboard Motor commercial and, well, wonder if they were in on it, really.

May 9 Trivia Rankings

May 10, 2018

I scream! You scream! We all scream! Often, it’s just a primal scream at the insanity of the universe but tonight – TONIGHT – it was for ICE CREAM!

Thanks to all you lovely Quizlings who came out to play. Vote for Tomato Jake’s for Best Trivia Night in Durham County at and show me proof next week and you’ll get a raffle ticket. Prize or power to the winner, it’s up to you. But please do vote for us. That would be really cool.

This week, we chatted about French presidents, NASA launches and candy villains. Plus there was this Sweet Lil’ Dude …

Now here are this week’s team rankings.

Don’t Blame Us, We Voted For Stormy 65
Saw an Atomic Bomb And Iran 63
If We Can’t Have Cookies, We Want Ice Cream, Glen 62
Putting America Back To Work Building Fallout Shelters 58
Ally Algae And Frankie Fungus Took A Lichen To Each Other 55
We All Met On Tinder 55
Fighting To Keep Our Trivia Credentials 52
Pooperintendent 51
Don’t Sass Me, Sparky 49
We’re Just Here For The Ice Cream 47
Basketball Cancelled 47
The Ocho 45
Is The Harlem Shake Still Cool? 44
Rock, Paper, Scissorhands 40
Blues Clues Booze Cruise 38
Trump’s Pulling Out Again 37
The Free Range Parents 36
Infinity Stones Don’t Melt Steel Beams 34

Stank You Very Much

May 8, 2018

My Aunt Jennie had really nasty halitosis. And when she blew out her birthday candles, she’d imbue the cake with her – er, essence. She couldn’t understand why no one wanted seconds. And nobody had the heart to tell the old dear it was because, thanks to whatever had crawled up and died in her mouth, the lemon-iced sheet cake now tasted like complete ass.