Archive for April, 2018


April 27, 2018


Five Bad Local Commercials

Bear Mountain Sports

Jesus Christ Bail Bonds

Auto Connection

Girl, Job Fair, Word

Eastwood Insurance


Five Books I Recommend That You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

The Wampanaki Tales by James Howard Kunstler

The Quartzsite Trip by William Hogan

Super-Folks by Robert Mayer

The Choking Doberman: And Other “New” Urban Legends by Jan Harold Brunvand

Diet for a New America by John Robbins


Five of My Favorite Sci Fi Clichés

The alien planet turns out to be Earth

Protagonist attempts to change the past, thereby creating the future he hoped to prevent

The alien is not the bad guy but the good guy

The hero turns out to be dead or from a parallel Earth or an alien

… But no one remembers!


Five Ways to Prank a Roommate, Two of Which I’ve Done

Lysol in his milk

Ex-Lax brownies

Identity theft

Skunk juice in his fabric softener

Cardboard standup of Batman in the shower


Five Bad Places to Hide a Spare Key

Under the front door mat

The lock

On your keychain with the other keys


The Paleozoic Era


April 25 Trivia Rankings

April 26, 2018

Thanks to all the Quizlings who made it out to play this week. It’s a busy, transitional time of the year for many, so I hope to see some missing faces soon. If we fill the place up then Glen might just give us ice cream!

This week it was all about American Girl Dolls, Pulitzer Prizes and Charles Dickens. And because I promised, here’s a behind the scenes look at one of the songs mentioned Wednesday night…

Now, here are this week’s team rankings:

Uranus Stinks … Yeah, We Know 67
We Still Want Our Prize Money In Cookies 67
Working For Ronny and Donnie 63
Perfect Date – Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold 58
It’s Gonna Be May 57
Macron-aroni & Geeze(r) 55
My Broshake Brings Macron To The Yard 53
April 25 Is The Perfect Date 50
Les Planet “B” Team 46
Our Team Is The Bomb … Syria…sly 45
Tactleneck 45
Trump’s Doctor (Is) Strange, Love 44
Two Blondes And A Lawyer 42
Pedego e-Bikes 29


April 24, 2018


Five Royal Baby Name Odds

Winston, 10 to 1

Banger and/or Mash, 25 to 1

Lil Uzi Vert, 13 to 2

Groot, 1 to 1

Outdated Heritable Succession Repressor, 10,000 to 1


Five Times You Really Need A Spoon

When you’re eating soup

When you’re eating breakfast cereal

When you’re measuring small amounts for a recipe

When you’re the Tick shouting your battle cry

When you’re an eloping dish in a nursery rhyme


Five Cutesy Brew Pub Names

The Twisted Cistern

Brewed Awakening

Pop on Hops

Lager Rhythm

Drag Me To Ale


Five Slang Terms for Twins

Double Vision

Thing One & Thing Two

Ditto DNA

Akin Kin

The Devil’s Mirror


Five Signs the Kool-Aid Man Is Stalking You

The cherry stains in your driveway

Your new mailman looks exactly like the Kool-Aid Man – but with a giant fake moustache

You can’t get the smell of grape out of your upholstery

In the past six months, you’ve spent 500 grand repairing unexplained holes in your walls

Whenever you and your wife have sex, you hear a muted “Oh yeah” coming from the closet



April 21, 2018

April 22 has been designated as Earth Day, a time set aside to honor our Mother Earth through conservation, education and environmental awareness. And so, THE FLEHMEN RESPONSE sat down with the planet of the hour … the Third Rock From The Sun, the Big Blue Marble, Terra, our world, home … Earth. Here are some excerpts from the interview.

TFR: Scientists believe that you are around four and a half billion years old. Can you reveal your actual age?

EARTH: Six thousand. Don’t you read the Bible?

TFR: Uh, I don’t … I mean, that doesn’t …

EARTH: Ah, just yanking you! I think those religious nutjobs are hilarious. No, really, I’m 4 billion, 542 million, 938 thousand, and nine years old, as of today.

TFR: So Earth Day is your birthday?

EARTH: Well, it’s the day I celebrate. I was adopted.

TFR: Adopted?

EARTH: By Jupiter. I don’t like to talk about it much. We’re estranged now. (more…)

April 18 Trivia Rankings

April 19, 2018

What a beautiful night for trivia! (Technically, a beautiful night for anything so I’m glad you chose trivia.) How lovely it was to see some old faces and a few new ones as well. But those empty seats are sure a kick in the gut, metaphorically-speaking. Spread the word, Quizlings! Let’s fill ‘er up and gets us some ice cream!

This week? It was old timey snacks and mnemonic devices* and Y2K figures. And, of course, there was this Broadway melody (damn, Wolverine got pipes!) …

Now here are the team rankings for the week. See you next Wednesday!

Glen’s Back From Cancun –  Time For Ice Cream! 66
Raiders Of The Law Office 65
Cohen Seeing Hannity Behind Trump’s Back 65
Good Night Court, Sweet Prince 65
We  Were Gonna Make A Time Travel Joke But None Of Them Liked It 62
We Ain’t Got No Team Name 61
Thank You Very Little 61
Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me … Carl Kassell Died 60
The Vice Presiders Of Fun Employment, Inc. 59
NASA Shoots Sperm Into Space 57
Cohen’s Fourth Client 55
Nora’s First Trivia Night 51
Quizards of Waverly Place 44

*Here’s some of my favorite mnemonic devices from the evening…

My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nothing

My Very Excited Mother Just Sold Unicycles Nightly

My Very Enormous Mind Just Stuns Underground Nomads

My Very Excellent Mother Just Saw Unicorn Nuns

BTW the one I like to use is:

Meredith Vieira Enters My Jacuzzi Slowly Unveiling Nudity

Dad Man Balking

April 16, 2018

My old man absolutely hated birthdays and refused to celebrate his under any circumstances. Once I made the mistake of baking him a birthday cake and presenting it to him after dinner. He wasn’t the least bit thankful or happy. In fact, he threw the cake against the wall and locked me in an old freezer we had out in the garage for two days.

To this day, I can’t eat angel food without balling up into the fetal position and crying.


A Mighty Wind

April 13, 2018

In case you think the Rapture is happening on April 23…

April 11 Trivia Rankings

April 12, 2018

Lovely to see some folks back from Spring Break this week, Quizlings! As the weather warms and we sit outside and bring doggies for Sparky to pet, spread the word about our little Trivia Night and bring your friends and family and co-workers and baristas and greengrocers and pretty much anyone you know who might like our brand of fun.

This week we chatted about iconic burgers, quarterback crashes and really old school books in Oklahoma. And then there was this advertising trifle…

Now check out the rankings for the week. Someone’s gotta be at the top and someone’s gotta be … well, you know.

Trump Remodeling His Cabinet 68
We Want Our Prize Money In Cookies, Please 67
Paul Ryan’s Run Out Of Thoughts And Prayers 64
Benny Pickled The Beast 62
Twitter War For Real 60
Insert Name Here 60
You Can Have My Data – I’m Not That Interesting 59
Adele! The Answer Is Adele! 58
Ryan’s Cowards 56
We Lost Waldo 56
We Need A Better Witch Hunt 55
The Feds Are Coming! The Feds Are Coming! 54
Freedom Avengers 53
Micropigs 50
Werther’s Original: The Amber Alert Of Caramels 45
Team MySpace 42
Aviators 25


April 8, 2018


Five Songs I Haven’t Heard On the Radio In Decades

Driver’s Seat – Sniff ‘N’ The Tears

No Time To Loose – Tarney Spencer Band

Girl of My Dreams – Bram Tchaikovsky

Sausalito Summer Nights – Diesel

If I Had A Rocket Launcher – Bruce Cockburn


Five Bad Excuses To Turn Down A Date

Grouting my shower

Shampooing my hair

Experiencing entropy

Cupcake Wars marathon



Five Bizarre Places to Find Chocolate Chip Cookies

Remainder bin at a Sam Goodys

Viking’s armpit

An Olsen twin’s kitchen


In a can, in aerosol form


Five Good Names for a Boy Band




A Lad Din



Five Embarassing Confessions

I am scared to inflate a balloon

I once wrote a love letter to Amy Carter

I was born with an extra toe on my left foot

I was kicked out of the Webelos for rigging the Pinewood Derby

When I was 8, I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer


April 4 Trivia Rankings

April 5, 2018

A light turnout, a raffle for nominating and some crossword puzzle clues. All told, an interesting evening. Thanks to all the Quizlings in attendance (and come back soon, the rest of you).

Last chance to nominate Tomato Jake’s for Best Trivia Night in Durham County at (polls close Sunday). Please take a few minutes to do this and get someone you love to do it as well (or someone you hate – either way works).

This week? It was a lovely menu of KFC, salad vegetables and pickle slush – all USDA approved! And then there was this Scoobynatural crossover …

Now let’s see how your team stacked up.

Is It Curling Season Yet? 69
Star Wars > Trade Wars 69
The New England Patriots of Trivia 68
NEVER Question Josh’s Cat Knowledge 66
Eggplant² 59
We’re Only Here Becase It’s Spring Break 57
Kim’s Midnight Train To China 55
Trump Cleaned Out His Cabinet For Passover 54
Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’) 52
8-Ball 50
Han Shot First 45
Take Me Out To A Ballgame 43