Five Random Five

 

Five Noises That Frighten Me

Balloons popping

Snakes hissing

Sound of a pump-action shotgun

Unexplained scratches under my bed at night

Nickelback on the radio

 

Five Rarely-Used Condiment-Derived Adjectives

Ketchuppity

Mustardant

Mayonnasty

Worcestershiftless

Wasabitchin’

 

Five Reasons Not To Tip Your Waiter

Inattentiveness

The dessert arrives before the appetizer

He coughs in your face and laughs like a hyena

His BO is more pungent than your garlic curry

It’s a dine and dash!

 

Five Odd Things To Keep In Your Crisper Drawer

Leather falconry gauntlets

A calcified granuloma

A chastity belt

A copy of The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers #2

Actor J. K. Simmons

 

Five Muppet Mistakes

Getting drunk at Christmas Party & telling Kermit what you really think of him

Sharing a hot tub with Kevin Clash

Machine washing & not dry cleaning

Taking Henson’s name in vain

Biting the hand that fills you

 

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