Archive for September, 2017

Kids Today…

September 30, 2017

Whatever happened to Libby the Kid? (That’s Billy the Kid spelled sideways, sort of.) I mean, back in the 70s, he was always around, touting those Libbyland dinners on TV. Then – bam! Nothing.

I heard a rumour that he got into a drunken knife fight with Twinkie the Kid at Studio 54 and died. If anyone knows, drop me a line. I mean, I know Mr. Bubble is living in a retirement home in Boca Raton and Mr. Salty is buried in Arlington and the Frito Bandito was deported and King Vitaman – well, the less said about that megalomaniacal schmuck, the better…

But Libby the Kid? Man. Whatever happened to him?

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September 27 Trivia Rankings

September 28, 2017

Eights years, Quizlings! And it seems like only yesterday we started this l’il Q&A party we like to call Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia. It was actually 2009 which reminds me of the quote often attributed to Groucho Marx: “Time flies like an arrow – fruit flies like a banana.”

Thanks to all who came out to play and celebrate with us. Some lucky Quizling got a hotel night’s stay for two. Others walked off with gift cards to Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks, Tomato Jake’s bucks and some free ice cream coupons. Plus there was a nifty Mario t-shirt and some other cool swag. Plus: AUDIO QUIZ!!!!

If you missed it, you miss tons of fun including huge-ass diamonds, Galilean moons and the devil at the United Nations. Plus there was this lovely meme:

dysentery

Now let’s see how the teams stacked up…

No, Our Team Is Not Sponsored By Adidas 62
Corruption In College Basketball? Who Knew? 60
Target Is Walmart For Democrats 60
We Don’t Have To Use Our Phones 53
Scruffy’s Great Escape 47
Nailed It! 47
Puppies vs. Babies 45
How Soon We Forget The Bowling Green Massacre 44
The Price Is Wrong 44
I Thought You’d Be Taller 43
U Bum 42
It’s Britney, Betch! 39
All The King’s Men 35
Keeping Up With The Kardashians – I Literally Kannot 29
Los Narcos 24

The Dog Days Are Here!

September 26, 2017

This Wednesday, we’re wrapping up Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia’s 8th Anniversary celebration with a raffle – and it’s still not too late to get in on the fun!

The raffle will be for, among other things, a free night’s stay for two at a nifty Durham hotel. You get one raffle ticket just for playing (one per week). The raffle is only open to Quizlings 18 and above due to the nature of the prize.

You can also pick up extra raffle tickets for bringing a newbie, posting a flier to our trivia night and donating a new dog toy for our canine pals. How many extra raffle tickets? Two per item! And there’s no limit this week on how many of each you can claim. Seriously! Bring 56 newbies and get 112 extra raffle tickets! Post 139 fliers (and show me proof) and get 278 extra raffle tickets! Bring 3,861 new dog toys to donate to the pooches on the patio and get 7,722 extra – and I’m out of tickets. Crap, I didn’t think this through. Well, let’s cap them all “within reason” and see how it goes, okay? But the main idea is to bring someone who’s never played trivia at Jake’s before, post fliers to alert the unfamiliar and bring new dog toys because there’s nothing like seeing a dog smile.

smile

Spread the word! Bring your friends! Bring your enemies (best to keep them closer)! Just help us celebrate 8 years of fantastic trivia at Tomato Jake’s Pizzeria!

Broadcasting Recall

September 24, 2017

It was 1954, television’s golden age, and I was working as assistant to the lead property master at the now-defunct Dumont network. Aside from Captain Video and Studio 57, our main project was a fledgling game show called Blow Out The Candles. The premise was pretty elementary: three contestants vied for the chance to have their very own birthday party, complete with cake and ice cream. The questions were pretty simplistic (“Who created the cartoon character Mickey Mouse?”), but it was a bona fide hit for three weeks during the summer. 

One night, however, the lead prop guy, Buster “Crabby” Stunton, got stinkin’ blind drunk and fell onto the birthday cake we were gonna use in the prize sequence. Well, we didn’t have any others baked and the studio chef had already clocked out for the day and all nearby bakeries were closed. So, we made up our own, a “faux” cake, out of plywood and caulk and painted it with white chrome matte. It looked beautiful and no one would have been the wiser had not the emcee, on a spur of the moment lark, tried to take a bite right out of the upper tier. He broke two teeth. On live television.

Crabby and I got our heads handed to us by the producers and we never worked network television again. Last I heard, Crabby lived in a tent Phoenix where he spends his days taking pot shots at iguana with a pellet gun. Compared to my lot, that’s a bloody paradise.

Shapes of Things

September 22, 2017

vwbeetle

On my first day of kindergarten, I walked into class and they gave me a shape cut out of construction paper. All the kids got one and we had to match it up with the same shape and same color on the back of a chair – that would then be our chair for the year. Well, most of the kids got simple shapes like circles, triangles, squares, maybe an octagon or star. But me? Me, they gave a Volkswagen. Yeah, a construction paper cutout of a VW Beetle. I had started kindergarten a year early because I was precocious so here I was – this 4-year-old kid walking around, trying to match up a complicated shape like a Volkswagen. I looked all over but couldn’t find it and went back to the teacher, crying, “I don’t have a chair!” Seriously, I thought I was gonna have to stand up for the entire year. You’d think that would have scarred me for learning for life but I then went on to be the best student in that damn kindergarten class. Unfortunately, when I graduated, I was too young to start first grade and had to go back to that same kindergarten again the next year. They gave me a circle.

September 20 Trivia Rankings

September 20, 2017

Thanks to all who showed up to play. Raffle tickets a-plenty were given out to all who played and to some with pet pics and doggy toys. More next week, so stay tuned.

What did you miss? Winning streaks, test-your-limits cinema and Caribbean islands. Plus there was this haunting theme…

Now here are this week’s team rankings. See you next week, Quizlings!

Kevin Hart’s Sex Tape Is Kind Of Short 63
Maybe He’ll Have an Impeachment Parade 62
Trump at U.N. Means F.U.U.N. 61
We’re Following You, But Not On Twitter 60
Nambia Is Where They Grow The Covfefe 60
Pink And Purple 59
We Bull-ieved 59
No, That One 56
The League of Nations 54
Couch Pulls Out But I Don’t 54
West Side Story 2: Maria’s Revenge 54
Will Trade Brownies For Right Answers 52
We Brought A Foreigner 51
That Table Over There 46
Charlie’s Heroes 46
There’s No U In Team Either 41
My Teachers Are Here – Help! 40
Taco Truckers 39
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? 38
Los Narcos 29

The Dog Days of Trivia

September 20, 2017

We’re celebrating Tomato Jake’s Wednesday Night Trivia’s Eighth Anniversary All MONTH LONG and it’s still not too late to get in on the fun!

On September 27, we’re holding our raffle for, among other things, a free night’s stay for two at a nifty Durham hotel. You don’t have to be present to win and you get one raffle ticket just for playing (one per week). The raffle is only open to Quizlings 18 and above due to the nature of the prize.

You can also pick up extra raffle tickets for bringing a newbie (one per week), posting a flier to out trivia night (one per week) and donating a new dog toy for our canine pals (no limit).

So, doing the math, if you come out to play this week and bring a friend who’s never been to our trivia night before and you show me a picture of a flier you posted on a public bulletin board where local folks can view it and you bring five new dog toys to donate, then that’s … mumbling under breath … carry the one … eight raffle tickets you get this week alone! That’s some major odds in your favor!

Spread the word! Bring your friends! Bring your enemies (best to keep them closer)! Just help us celebrate 8 years of fantastic trivia at Tomato Jake’s Pizzeria throughout the month of September!

Party Animal

September 16, 2017

On a dare, I once put a whole birthday cake in a blender and made a smoothie out of it, candles and all. Drank every last bit of it. I got sick and threw up into the piñata. Boy, were those kids surprised when they beat that papier-mâché donkey and vomit came spewing out.

Needless to say, I was fired from that Chuck E. Cheese shortly thereafter.

September 13 Trivia Rankings

September 13, 2017

Awesomeness ensued. That’s what I want on my tombstone. It also describes the action that went down Wednesday night at Tomato Jakes. “Awesomeness ensued.”

The was a Terminator head, canine cinema and treats for Rosie, Ace, Sugar and Anthony. Plus this slow jam:

Now here are the rankings for the week:

J Is For Genius 70
Went To Orlando – All I Got Was This Stupid Hurricane 68
Mike Pence Hacked Ted Cruz’s Twitter Account 65
Where Were You And Your Bitches Last Week 63
Equifu** 62
Ted Cruz Promises He’s Never Liked Porn 62
Alexa, Is God Mad At Us? 62
Cassini is Taking A Dive 61
No Way, Jose 60
For Sale – Newly Minted Oceanfront Property 59
Thanks For Nothing, Equifax 58
Globetrotters 57
Pickles 54
Zodiac Twitter Hack 53
5 Dogs, 1 Park 53
Muffin Bullets 53
Somebody Tell Chipotle That’s Nacho Cheese 45
You Don’t Know Jac 31

FIVE RANDOM FIVE

September 10, 2017

Five Signs You’re Addicted To Pokémon

When ordering at the drive thru, you say things like “Quarter Pounder with Cheese, I choose you!”

Your Squirtle-shaped swimming pool

Your résumé lists Team Rocket as a reference

The Pikachu tattoo on your ass

Number of Pokémon tournaments you’ve entered – 65 / Number of dates you’ve had – 0

 

Five Reasons To Have Kids

Someone to look after you in your dotage

Irreponsable about birth control

Cheap labor

Need an excuse to drive a mini-van

To sit next to non-breeders in restaurants and annoy the hell out of them

 

Five Nicknames for Your Hand

High-Five Fanatic

The Glove Stuffer

Marvin

Clap Happy

The Back-up Girlfriend

 

Five Hanna-Barbera Characters I Think Are Jerkwads

Precious Pupp

Yankee Doodle Pigeon

The Great Gazoo

Ranger Smith

Shazzan

 

Five Deadly Snack Crackers

Goldfission Bomb

Wheatabullets

The Nekotomicon

Lance

Ginger Snaps-Your-Neck-Without-A-Second-Thought