A Chicken Pox

This is Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa, launching nationwide on January 26. It consists of a shell made with marinated chicken packed with lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and avocado ranch. It is evil. And people will die.


Mark my words: people will die from this insanity. Sure, we managed the McGriddle and the Thickburger and the Double Down but that was merely tempting fate. (Actually that was walking right up to fate, opening your shirt and writing with an indelible marker INSERT CORONARY HERE.)  Now, with this nascent poultry monstrosity (poulstrosity?), all bets are off and people will finally die. I envision customers taking a savory bite and then exploding right there by the fire sauce or collapsing into a puddle of fleshy goo under the banner that ironically implores you to Live Más. Either way, no one will be surprised and no one will sue because it’s just the natural evolution of caloric QSR offerings and that’s just the way it is and will forevermore be.

The Naked Chicken Chalupa. Yep, people will die. Mark my words.

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