Celebrity Dissonance

I was perusing imdb.com for a side project and noticed that if you click on a date you can see all the folks in the Internet Movie Database born on that particular date. Neat enough but more interesting to note is that the names are all ranked according to some sort of popularity matrix called STARmeter. Now, I’ve no idea what the criteria STARmeter uses but I assume it’s along the lines of name recognition, star power, credits, etc. Most of the time, the rankings seem obvious. (For example, were they born on the same day, Bill Murray would be ranked higher than Bill Maher and both would be ranked higher than veteran actor Bill Macy.)

Sometimes, however, the rankings are more inscrutable.

Take the stars born on December 24, for instance. I won’t really get into the subjective nature of fame but I would point out that Ryan Seacrest is ranked at #22. Is that the correct ranking for someone of his stature? Probably not. He was the host of that television blockbuster American Idol for years. He’s executive producer of lots of shows, including the mega-hit Keeping Up With The Kardashians. He’s even conquered radio with a syndicated show and American Top 40 hosting duties. Given all of that, I’d day he’s pretty famous. Personally, if he dropped off the face of the planet tomorrow, I wouldn’t miss him but I acknowledge that he’s a major star and probably a household name. Regardless, STARmeter ranked him  at #22 for those born on December 24.

The major problem with that ranking? The dog from Frasier was ranked #21. Yep, Moose – the dog that played Eddie on the Cheers spin-off – is one notch higher on the STARmetter, one rung up and over Ryan Seacrest.


What the hell, imdb?!?! Not only does Moose have only four credits to his name (Frasier, My Dog Skip and guest roles on two TV shows) but the canine hasn’t worked in ten years because he died in 2006! 

Yes, Ryan Seacrest is ranked lower than a dog that’s “been living on a farm upstate” since before there was Twitter.

What does all this mean? For you and me: nothing (unless you get off on schadenfreude). But for Ryan Seacrest – wow, that’s gotta be a pretty low blow. I mean, armed with this ego-crushing data, I think it’s amazing he can muster the willpower to get out of bed in the morning. Yet assuming he does, there are three ways he can deal with it…

1) Laugh it off and chalk it up to the vagaries of fate.

2) Raise his profile in hopes of increasing his ranking.

3) Punch his agent and/or publicist right square in the face.

Me, I know which one I’d choose.

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