What Can Brown Do For You?

When I was younger, I had a lyrical misconception. You know that song, Winter Wonderland? (Of course you do; what are you – from Jupiter?) Well, there’s a line that goes “In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is Parson Brown. He’ll say, ‘Are you married?’, We’ll say, ‘No, man, but you can do the job when you’re in town.’” Obviously, Parson Brown is an authority figure of some sort, most likely a religious personage with the power to bind people together in matrimony. Well, I, naive huckleberry that I am, was under the mistaken impression that “Parson Brown” wasn’t a person but a color, not unlike Lemon Yellow, Midnight Blue, Carnation Pink, or Forest Green, although, admittedly, I could not recall the shade from a Crayola box. This misunderstanding brought about one weighty question: Why would anyone want a brown snowman? I mean, isn’t this perilously close to that old axiom don’t eat the yellow snow? And why would anyone want a brown snowman to marry them? And, if he’s there, right there, I mean, talking to them, why do they have to wait for him to be “in town” to do the job? Does he book in advance? How heavy a schedule can a Parson Brown snowman have?

Granted, these questions all faded away into mootabilty when the actual lyrics were revealed to me. And these days – hey, I’ve got better things to do with my time. (Not really, but I think I should pretend I have.)

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