Archive for November, 2016

November 30 Trivia Rankings

November 30, 2016

Thanks for joining us, Quizlings, for the final trivia bout of the 11th month of the year. We bid a fond farewell to some familiar faces and tried to pin the name on some less than familiar ones (going by the score, any rate).

Along the way, we talked of champions (the NASCAR and canine varieties), TV spin-offs and the mantastic Ricky Martin.

We’ll do it again next week, folks, and on into the new year so join us every Wednesday for triviawesomeness!

Here are the team rankings for the week:

Powerpoint Rectums All Day 69
Hit the Road, Pat! 68
10,000 And Counting 67
We Demand A Recount! (Unless We Win) 66
White House, White Cabinet 64
Sour Patch Kids 64
Where’s The Wine? 63
Of All The Team Names We’ve Had, This Is One Of Them 63
Left Of Center 60
Bad Hombres And Their Nasty Women 58
Rectum? Nearly Killed Him 56
Petraeus For Secretary Of Scandal 55
We Won? Are You Sure? 54
Bad News Beers 52
Jakemandering 51
Bendj Like Beckham 50
I Can’t Feel My Wenis 39
Our Team Ditched Us 37

In the Cards

November 27, 2016


Moira’s parents gave me a birthday card that read:


“Happy Birthday, Son-In-Law!

We’re so glad you met our little girl

And happy for all the things you’ve brought her.

But please understand one thing, Son-In-Law,

We’ll NEVER forgive you for nailing our daughter.”


I guess you can say Thanksgiving was kinda awkward around here.


FIVE RANDOM FIVE (Thanksgiving Edition)

November 24, 2016

Five Regrettable Macy’s Parade Balloons

Hitler’s Moustache – 1937

Rob Lowe Dancing with Snow White – 1989

Occupy Wall Street – 2012

Nixon with a metal detector – 1973

Brian Dunkelman – 2002


Five Little Known Thanksgiving Traditions

Gravy dancing

Tryptophantasy football

Turducken chuckin’

Stuffing the second cousin

The pardoning of the yams


Five Pilgrim Complaints

That boat was really cramped.

The New World smells like ass.

Those #@&% posers in Jamestown.

Buckle hats are soooo 1618!

Squanto and Myles Standish should just get a room, already!


Five Pie Injuries

Hot cobbler blisters

Crust in the eye

Sprained meringue

A la mode on the knee

Carpal tunnel rhubarb


Five Broadway Musicals for Turkeys

The Best Little Henhouse In Texas

A Chorus Brine

Joseph and the Technicolor Butterball

Kinky Snoods

Giblets Over Broadway


November 23 Trivia Rankings

November 24, 2016

A fun pre-Turkey Day triviaganza. Thanks to the Quizlings who made it out. Thanks for all the hand turkeys. And thanks for taking that hefty Butterball off our hands (seriously, he was beginning to bum out the other poultry).

What did we learn? Something about turkey protuberances, escaping the Nazis (I hate those guys) and how it’s a nice day for a royal wedding.

Hey, can I tell you a secret? There’s more trivia next week. (Okay, not much of a secret but spread the word nonetheless.)

Here are the team rankings…

Beans, Greens, Potatoes, Tomatoes 64
Save A Turkey, Eat A Vegetarian 64
Fantastic Breasts And Where To Find Them 61
Take Your Turkey And Stuff It 60
Jake Gives Someone The Bird 56
Vandalay Industries 51
Stuffed Turkeys 42
Trivia Turkeys 39
Snoopy Makes Toast 39
The Troubled Turkey 39
Wolf Pack 38

Roamin’ Numerals

November 22, 2016

Sometimes, I like to go to the all-night Harris Teeter and pick up some of those candy numbers for kids’ birthday cakes.  I then go home and make out mathematical problems with them, like 45 x 3 = ?, usually breaking up the ones to form the times and equals signs.  If I can solve a problem within a preset time limit, say, ten seconds, I get to eat the entire problem, all the numbers and everything.

I stop when my teeth begin to hurt, I get a sour belly or I pass out from the sugar rush.

Don’t Let The Turkeys Get You Down

November 18, 2016

So we’ve received all the relatives’ dietary restrictions and I think it’s safe to say that this will be the best gluten-free, carb-free, nut-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, low-fat, low-sulfur, low-protein, low-sodium, kosher, macrobiotic, vegetarian Thanksgiving ever!

November 16 Trivia Rankings

November 17, 2016

A great night for trivia, Quizlings! Hope you had a chance to enjoy the festivities. If not – good news: we’ll do again next week. And give away a turkey to boot. Don’t stay home with the in-laws you can’t stand – come out to Tomato Jake’s and play trivia!

What’d you miss Wednesday night? If I said supermoons and detective hats and Vanilla Fudge, would that mean anything? Shoulda been there, folks.

Also, remember: it pays to look down occasionally:


So. How’d your team do? No need to wonder – here are the rankings for the week…

Don’t Know About You But this Week Has Felt Like Four Years 71
Dungeon Masters are Swingers 65
Bastards Of The Machine 64
Outrage Fatigue 63
Donald Trump NOT Voted Sexiest Man Alive 62
Glen’s Favorite 61
Mentored By Obama 60
Libbey Has Spoken 59
Canadian Immigration Is Closed For The Next Four Years 58
Cheeto Voldemort 58
#Sparky2020 55
Uncivil Procedure 54
Doomsday Party At Jake’s 51
Okra Of My Eye 50
M-Theory 49
In Other News…39 Sleeps Til Christmas 49
Last Year At The Kids’ Table 43
Cockroach 41
Citizens Of The Bar 39

Go To Bed, Old Man!

November 15, 2016

I officially became a curmudgeon today. Yep. I heard some pants-on-the-ground teenager use “sick” as a compliment and I instinctively shouted at him to “Get the hell off my lawn!” Unfortunately, I lost a few cool points for being in the soda aisle of the Harris Teeter when it all occurred but what can ya do?

Die Trying

November 11, 2016

In celebration of the Toy Hall of Fame inducting the nerdiest of geek icons, here’s Stephen Lynch and his pal Mark Teich performing D&D

November 9 Trivia Rankings

November 10, 2016

Yes, it was a somber night at Wednesday Night Trivia. Most were nursing recent political wounds (those that caused them were perhaps out celebrating – hard to say). But we persevered and triviaed on.

In case you missed it – we counted electoral votes, rewrote literary history and made a big hamburger even bigger.

Plus there was this guy…

We’ll do it again next week, Quizlings! Spread the word (and put up those fliers)!

Now see how your team did this week.

Breaking News: Canada Begins Wall Construction 65
Stop Asking – I’m Fine! 63
Mourning In America 62
We Can Watch TV Again 59
Idiocracy Becomes Documentary 58
4 More Beers! 57
Trumped Up, Trickle Down Election 48
Dammit, Our Passports Are Expired! 44
WTF 42
Putin 2020 41
Finally, No More Political Ads 32
Glen Gordon 29