FIVE RANDOM FIVE

Five Rejected Emmy Award Categories

Outstanding Comedy Series That’s Really A Drama Series

Show People Pretend To Watch To Seem Hip

Best Police Procedural That’s Not “Ripped From the Headlines”

Most Overrated Late Night Host

Outstanding Guest Appearance By An Actor Who’s Only Doing It For The Paycheck

 

Five Bad Names For A Comedy Club

Upchuckles

Catch A Bloated Star

The Comic Stripped, Shaved And Left For Dead

The Donkey Punchline

The Laff Sweatshop

 

Five Fantasy Football Faux Pas

Missing Your League’s Draft

Drafting Nothing But Kickers

Naming Your Team After The League Commissioner’s Dead Mom

Your Entire Line-Up Is Composed Of Players You Did Not Draft

Halfway Through The Season, You Realize You’ve Been Playing Fantasy Foosball

 

Five Things I’ve Regretted Saying

“I can work an extra shift.”

“Yeah, honey, I’d love to meet your ferret.”

“No dessert for me.”

“One adult ticket for The Last Airbender, please.”

“I do.”

 

Five Other Illnesses Hillary Clinton Has Been Diagnosed With

Diverticulitis

Liberal Palsy

Pantsuit Rash

Billpolar Disorder

Illness? What – No, Hillary Doesn’t Have Any Illness! What Have You Heard?

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